Childish pathetic stuff you find funny because you're childish and pathetic

[hamfist]

Still think about things I made up as a kid.

Like this poem about a local motorcross biker who would tear up our road doing wheelies and stuff:

Monto Keysa Rank
He kissed a petrol tank
We don't know if he's dead
Or still asleep in bed

[Terry Torpid]

The species Homo erectus

[Sebastian Cobb]

styling a loud yawn into the Bodyform advert

[Average Comedy Enjoyer]

This page of Fart Buttons got me through tedious lockdown zoom meetings.
(https://www.myinstants.com/en/search/?name=fart)

I would get a real thrill out of spamming Fart (Reverb) while the director was talking knowing there was a small chance I'd accidentally unmuted.

I also used it as a treat for previous shit job, I'd tell myself I couldn't press the fart button until I sent two more emails etc. Then I'd gleefully jam it as a treat.

(Just realised that's much like the joy button in HHG2G)

Forgot to say:
Chimbley
Skellingtons
Draclea
Bolog-nasey
Crud-ites
Whores Derve
Testiclé
Blank-mange
Ironical
Pedantical

[Video Game Fan 2000]

speaking of sound boards

[Sebastian Cobb]

putting a leek in the bathroom and telling someone there's a 'big leak' in there

[Ron Superior]

My son's reached the age where he's started choosing his own clothes and he wears a lot of Adidas. Every time he's wearing any, I point to the letters one by one and spell out "after dinner I did a shit".

Any time my wife says she likes a photo I always say "I took that one". It "works" whether I actually took the photo or not, cos if I did take it she's knows I did so it's annoying, and if I didn't take it then that's annoying too. Perfect. It was our wedding anniversary this week so she got our wedding album out. Didn't last long.

[The Mollusk]

I was back in my home town for a stag party the other week. I hadn't been out with my oldboys like that in a long time, and I forgot that me and one of my closest pals from school dayz always used to flip each other off all the time when we were out in big groups partying. Looking across a room and realising he's over there and he sees me, middle finger. Walking through a pub and walk past him, stick a middle finger in his face. Be as serious as possible about it until you both eventually crack up. He suddenly started doing it at the stag party for the first time in like 10 years and we both immediately found it hilarious again, it was great.

[Cold Meat Platter]

Saying "Eh?" or "Pardon?" whenever someone starts talking about hearing, earplugs etc.

Cocks being drawn on things people don't want cocks on.

[Average Comedy Enjoyer]

Saying "Who?" whenever the world health organisation is mentioned (used to happen a lot more, not so common these days)

[Cuellar]

Double entendres

"He's having a terrible game, I might have to pull him off at half time"

Oh???

[The Mollusk]

Often watching films or telly when something definitely not real/CGI comes on the screen  I'll ask my wife "that's not real is it surely? It can't be, is that real?" as if I can't tell the difference and am confused. She probably thinks I'm insufferable.

[non capisco]

Often watching films or telly when something definitely not real/CGI comes on the screen  I'll ask my wife "that's not real is it surely? It can't be, is that real?" as if I can't tell the difference and am confused. She probably thinks I'm insufferable.

Hahaha! This is gold standard patter as far as I'm concerned.

[Sebastian Cobb]

Cocks being drawn on things people don't want cocks on.

All about doing it in the middle of a notebook or diary so they don't find it for a while. Did one in a notepad at a mates and got a whatsapp of the offending page about 6 months later asking if it was me.

[Cerys]

Blowing raspberries.  Because they sound like farts.  Which are funny.

[Sebastian Cobb]

been a lot of talk of farts and they are funny but I feel like I ought to mention that doing horrifically loud belches is pretty fun too.

[Average Comedy Enjoyer]

Use of the phrase "follow through".

I remember there was a PE lesson before and after we all found out what it meant and the change was night and day.

[Cerys]

been a lot of talk of farts and they are funny but I feel like I ought to mention that doing horrifically loud belches is pretty fun too.

Oh, hell no.  The sound of people doing that makes me feel sick.

[Average Comedy Enjoyer]

been a lot of talk of farts and they are funny but I feel like I ought to mention that doing horrifically loud belches is pretty fun too.

I like to stick my tongue out to really articulate it into a cartoony noise

[JesusAndYourBush]

Saying "Who?" whenever the world health organisation is mentioned (used to happen a lot more, not so common these days)

Whenever the International Monetary Fund is mentioned I can't help doing an "Unbelievable!". (And yes I do realise one of the initials isn't quite right.)

All about doing it in the middle of a notebook or diary so they don't find it for a while. Did one in a notepad at a mates and got a whatsapp of the offending page about 6 months later asking if it was me.

At school in Chemistry we'd dribble iodine halfway though someones book, and it would't be discovered for months.

[WhoMe]

Replacing the first letter with B on all the off brand stuff in Aldi. Butella, barte d'or, shit like that.

[buttgammon]

Bodily functions in general but especially farts. I'm particularly fond of describing them in purple prose, like the ovate miasma which descended on my flat like a cloud of noxious smog, bringing top notes of dogshit above a weighty base of sulphur. I have IBS so there's a lot of mileage in this.

Lists of actual things tapering into made-up words. Whenever my partner asks me if we have any snacks, I'll start by saying we have crisps, olives, grapes, but follow it with frunch, a packet of grip, hehhem etc.

[Moj]

The name of noted actress Marcia Gay Harden

[Average Comedy Enjoyer]

If someone comments on my above average height I usually say "it's a good think my legs aren't any shorter or my feet wouldn't reach the ground".

[Sebastian Cobb]

someone i know's partner nearly murdered them because they like to sing everything as if it's a verse from 99 Luftballons


🎵 Are you going to the shop
...because I would like some beers 🎵

[buttgammon]

Silly names, both real and imaginary. I once had to hide in the stationery cupboard in work because we were dealing with someone called Mr Alan Baby and I couldn't stop laughing. There was a similar incident during a Masters tutorial, when the lecturer recommended a book by Ronald Bins. I love making up silly names too, really stupid ones like Lady Malcolm Arsewater.

[dissolute ocelot]

I can't help making stupid suggestions for pub quiz answers even though in the past I've played with people whom it has immensely annoyed.

Just watched Buster Keaton's The General. People getting very wet will never not be funny. Less sure about the Confederacy.

[Video Game Fan 2000]

every single time there is a salami or such in the shopping bag

LOOK AT THE SIZE OF THAT SAUSAGE

[Cuellar]

Guessing either very high numbers or very low numbers when people ask you to guess how much something was/how old someone is/how far away something is

"Guess how much I paid for that!"
"10 billion pounds"
"No"

[Sebastian Cobb]

Silly names, both real and imaginary. I once had to hide in the stationery cupboard in work because we were dealing with someone called Mr Alan Baby and I couldn't stop laughing. There was a similar incident during a Masters tutorial, when the lecturer recommended a book by Ronald Bins. I love making up silly names too, really stupid ones like Lady Malcolm Arsewater.

I have to say I've been really amused by the username @Clive Dogshit seeing as it's relevant.