The Last CaB post that made you GUFFAW out loud II: The GUFFAWther Part 2

[touchingcloth]

I think it's funnier that you left it out and cut to the chase.

Yep, it's funnier being a bit of a bait and switch like that I think, the opening clause lets you know the reference and then the next subverts it. Whether or it's funnier without the "...and I did not speak up", it's definitely funnier to deconstruct it days after the fact.

New page frog dissection cunt.

[Pearly-Dewdrops Drops]

Bit of a tangent, but I remember years ago I read a Twitter thread by erstwhile comedy writer and current-day bigot Graham Linehan, in which he was talking about how much he disliked The Big Lebowski. The crux of his argument, which he repeated a few times and which was meant to demonstrate the weakness of the film's screenplay, was the fact that "you don't get to see the final of the bowling tournament at the end."

[Ferris]

https://soundcloud.com/user-97161028/whole-new-world

I had a rough idea what it would be, but about halfway through the sheer commitment to the idea had me cackling.

[Replies From View]

Sounds like the woman singing is trying not to laugh throughout as well.

[Egyptian Feast]

In response to speculation about Badly Drawn Boy's hair:

He's deffo bald

Here he is in the 90's

https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn%3AANd9GcTXZMsIzsmSwpvLZ1AYeSE0K3BJKAribuJlrXCuXgPFQ438yVFV&usqp=CAU

There's more hair on a dropped lollipop

[idunnosomename]

that was a good 'un yeah

[Blue Jam]

i feel bad for barron but it's probably for the greater good

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Big hairy cocks. Little tiny prangers. All part of life's tableaux. Brushing aside dropping penises as you saunter through an avenue of honeysuckle, to an appointment with a cockmaster. Drawing several glans on the back of a receipt and tucking it gently into a cashier's breast pocket at The Dick Emporium. Your uncle sends his regards, and it's a schematic of his spunking knob. The Queen is seen on an embankment, gobbling truckers on a bet. Wave to her Maj with your purpose-built prong! Getting home in the afternoon from a hard shift as a grip foreman and clamping your bell to a kitchen cupboard full of members. Riffle through a ledger of Victorian todger wrongs, only to find an entry for your great grandfather, underlined in cream.

Twit2

[phes]

and another

Aspirational sludge for deluded peasants. No amount of convenience justifies the squalor. Cesspit remnants banged off a ladle. The muck of a thousand anuses farted onto foil.

[chveik]

old Greg Torso thread, Musique Concrète The X Factor

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

So fucking relieved I complimented GT on it at the time.

[Gregory Torso]

Fuckin hell chveik mate, I'd forgotten about that. Shame the images aren't there anymore so you can't enjoy the Pauline Oliveros joke.

[Poirots BigGarlickyCorpse]

fwoar mate i went to this shithouise cuntplace for shitting cunt peasant cunt pauper bastard fuckpipe poor people called McDondald's right and the BURGERS WERENT THE SAME AS THE HOMEMADE SWAN SLICES I MAKE FOR MY SCREECHING YOUNG FOR A QUIOD!!!! ufkcing Isnane intit??? FUCKIN MENTAL!!!!! imagine bein a fucking shit bogan fucking pauper pissant ollie twist bastard cunt eating a mcdondalnd burgon!!!!!! cunts!!!!

swan slices

[earl_sleek]

Congrats to the Musks on their new son Aeon Flux

[Pseudopath]

Only just saw yer man Gregory Torso's incredible polemic in the Ready Meals thread. So many wonderful images:

Ready meals aren't shit, though. Tesco does a good range of, they call it, "The Finest", and the macaroni cheese and the fish pie editions are extremely good. I've had some good curries from Morrison's large fridge section, too. But then I also drink instant coffee, I keep my bread in the fridge along with my mustard, I never spend more than £5 on wine unless it's in a box, the only thing I ever cook with eggs is more fucking eggs, I have never squeezed into a pair of nylon cycling shorts and a high viz bodywarmer and duck-walked down to Waitrose, the safe space for self-castrated paedophile insectivore front garden cunts to swap tips on how to beat the shit out of your Eritrean house servant without leaving visible bruising (that's why black help is better)
I have never "ironically" tried on a barbour quilt jacket in Debenhams with a Nutribullet under my arm and imagined how deliciously indecorous it would be to purchase a pack of Dairy lea dunkers
I have never corrected Sandra on her pronunciation of "brioche", never cut out a picture of Fred West and put it in my underpants with the Fred side pressed against my tiny snail for comfort and reassurance and wished it was real and wished his booze-flushed whiskery red face was snaffling my leaky caterpillar like a white mini roll

Ready meals are decent these days. Unless you've been living in a Ben Elton stand-up routine from say 1988, boil in the bag ha ha they are no longer the food al of just never i I have never
I have never been down the farmers market with the twins Leylandi and Gin O'Clock to barter ferociously with a hungover teenager about the give of the durians.
I like looking at the shoes in Shoezone although I could never dream of walking out with a pair, I go out every night for my allowed exercise but actually I am looking for dogshit. I like to take photos of interesting formations of dogshit. There is rich diversity there, a sui generis architecture of canine waste. This one looks like a coat dropped on the floor at the back of a school disco; this one like a support sock flung from the top of the community centre; and lastly, the classic joke shop cigar, black as a slept-on chicken nugget.

I have very fat testicles. Masturbation is almost impossible without one of them forcing the other up into the cavity of my groin. Like two obese stay-at-home brothers fighting over the remote to change the channel between Picard and Babestation and one of them getting absorbed into the sofa due to the collusion of mass.

What I am saying, is that the rather outdated notion of microwave meals, TV dinners, and that, is woefully off target. Ready meals have proper flavour - yes, obviously they utilise oh wait a minute am I not making a point here, damn it Ralph why did we have to go to Tortillas for lunch and why did you insist on pinning the waiter to the floor with your knees on his windpipe and hissing "TORR-TEE-YAS" into his gasping face

Maybe I'm just not qualified to weigh in on this topic.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Cheers

[alan nagsworth]

Top dude that Momofuku Ando, his products must agree with him. Here he is looking good at 27

Died aged 96 - they can't have done him that much harm.

He allegedly ate his original Chicken Ramen instant noodles nearly every day from their invention in 1958 to the day before he died.

Bet he wishes he'd eaten them that day now.

[Pseudopath]

Cheers for the shout-out, Nags!

[Danger Man]

Given Starmar's pathetic handling of coronavirus, should there be a leadership challenge?

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

[Ferris]

Madhair's post in the glinner thread had me really laughing because I just didn't see it coming.

[Sebastian Cobb]

I once made a student film that required a large number of Pot Noodle pots that we could fill with soil and have soil spill out of.

This 'required' me to eat about 4 a day for several consecutive days.

Not recommended. It wasn't soil spilling out of my arse; it was hot mud, climbing out.

[holyzombiejesus]

Bending the rules as I didn't actually post this but it's made me laugh and I don't know where else to put it. Doesn't really warrant a thread of it's own.

[Sebastian Cobb]

Got really confused and thought it was the Cecil, as in the one Elisa Lam was in until it mentioned Brighton.

[non capisco]

"At last, the Ram Man", skeletor purred in a voice like Kenneth Williams calling his cat indoors.

He's really captured the erotic essence of Skeletor there.

[Hand Solo]

EDIT

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Not sure why that post is in this topic but just to say Rothenberg ob der Tauber is a splendid place. I visited just after Christmas so fewer crowds, however it was -9 degrees, even colder down at the valley bottom where my guesthouse was located. The lake was frozen over and on New Years Eve everyone was messing about with fireworks on the city walls.

[Hand Solo]

Not sure why that post is in this topic but just to say Rothenberg ob der Tauber is a splendid place.

Oops, was obviously meant to go in "F**k my Hat, I didn't know that!" Amazing things you've only just found out" thread. Will edit my post and quote your reply.

[chveik]

Bending the rules as I didn't actually post this but it's made me laugh and I don't know where else to put it. Doesn't really warrant a thread of it's own.

this kind of stuff usually goes there

https://www.cookdandbombd.co.uk/forums/index.php/topic,49372.1860.html

[Elderly Sumo Prophecy]

Not sure why that post is in this topic but just to say Rothenberg ob der Tauber is a splendid place. I visited just after Christmas so fewer crowds, however it was -9 degrees, even colder down at the valley bottom where my guesthouse was located. The lake was frozen over and on New Years Eve everyone was messing about with fireworks on the city walls.

Lol bald