Help me decide if I should

[Dex Sawash]

replace my toilets. Kind of fancy those ones with slightly increased seat height.

Pro- can stop thinking about if I should replace every time I'm sat there and after move on to thinking some other thing like 'was this a waste of money/effort?

Con- pointless replacement of probably the most durable fixture in my house. Toilets will probably last 500 years barring misadventure (with occasional repair of moving parts/seals)

[Brian Freeze]

Can you store the old ones and swap them back if you don't get on with the new ones?

My spidey senses are screaming "pins and needles!!!!!" at the thought of increased bog height though.

[checkoutgirl]

Never skimp on your toilet or your camel because if you're not on one you're on the other.  Old nomad saying there.

[touchingcloth]

yer a toilet

[Norton Canes]

Do you find your current seat height uncomfortable? Feel this is a key question

[thenoise]

can stop thinking about if I should replace every time

Bit wasteful - just wipe it over and disinfect it once a week.

[Shaxberd]

If you're gonna replace it, make it worth it, get a Japanese one with built in bum-washing and drying features.

[Norton Canes]

Oh god yes, at least make sure you get a bum gun. It will change your life.

[The F Bomb]

The higher you sit, the less you splay.

Help me decide if I should get shit all up my arse cheeks

[Buelligan]

I think replace.  As you say, they're durable.  Buy one you and your family can actually get inside and then hope, when the bombing starts, you're all nearby.  Obvious, really.

[seepage]

you can get a plinth to raise the toilet height. Don't know if that's any cheaper than just getting a new toilet though. The flush is more powerful if the toilet is higher.

[Buelligan]

A step ladder might be cheaper.  If it doesn't work, you still have an almost new step ladder.

[KennyMonster]

Shouldn't you go for lower instead of higher?

The more you squat the more your guts'll open up and allow for a good ol' clear out and probably mean you'll get rid of your toxic waste more.

In other words, high toilet=Dead Soon.

(My source for this is comedian Rob Beckett buying a stool for Greg on Taskmaster that'll help him 'assume the position').

[Beagle 2]

Fuckin' TREAT yersen mate, GET that posh shitter and LIVE LAUGH SHIT

[dissolute ocelot]

Shouldn't you go for lower instead of higher?

The more you squat the more your guts'll open up and allow for a good ol' clear out and probably mean you'll get rid of your toxic waste more.

In other words, high toilet=Dead Soon.

(My source for this is comedian Rob Beckett buying a stool for Greg on Taskmaster that'll help him 'assume the position').

Yeah, get a hole in the ground. No more arguing about leaving the seat up either.

[Endicott]

[falafel]

Never mind seat height, get a rimless one that's boxed in at the back too and save yourself literally seconds of cleaning

[Goldentony]

you're bored, you need to have a wank and play Tetris for ten minutes

[Gurke and Hare]

There are probably smart toilets now that connect to the internet and can order you some toilet paper after you've had a certain number of shits. Get one of those.

[Sebastian Cobb]

you can get a plinth to raise the toilet height. Don't know if that's any cheaper than just getting a new toilet though. The flush is more powerful if the toilet is higher.

That's not how it works, the flush power is governed by the distance between the cistern and the shitpan, if you put the pot on a plinth and move the cistern up relative to that (or if they sit on top of each other) then there won't be any difference.

[Glebe]

[dontpaintyourteeth]

Is your anus still toilet-shaped?

[Proactive]

The higher you sit, the less you splay.

Help me decide if I should get shit all up my arse cheeks

If it were up to me I'd have one so low that I just squat over it. If you really wish to evacuate your bowels, that's the fucking way to do it.

[Elderly Sumo Prophecy]

Get one of those toilets with an inspection shelf so you can sift through your Todmorden like a German.

[PlanktonSideburns]

Really miss my shitgaze German toilet. Barely know what my turds are upto midweek these days

[Dex Sawash]

Is your anus still toilet-shaped?

CURRENTLY IN SHAPE OF AN ANTIQUITY

[Jasha]

You never see any second hand toilets for sale anymore these days do you

[Gurke and Hare]

If you're going to get a new one you may as well go for broke and  spend ten grand on one.

[PlanktonSideburns]

Do the turds just flop down your cavity wall with that one

[The F Bomb]

Sqwat is the best for shitting. Low, ultimate splay, full excavation of crap from your intestines. Whatever plans you have, change em, your guts will be much less full of crap.