I'm off to Hollywood!

[Poobum]

That Farrelly Brothers remake of Come and See was ill advised.

[Ferris]

I think it is time to reveal my next artistic manoeuvre.

I plan to talk about... my nudity.

[Ferris]

It may make you uncomfortable but I think that is just part of the conversation.

What about my nudity is it that makes you uncomfortable? Why can you not see and appreciate my nudity without feeling you have to comment on the physicality of it?

This is the part I was born to play.

[Ferris]

I am excited to announce a 6 continent tour of my newest production "My Nudity, a Ferris Production (and Concept)".

Tickets on sale now, check listings for a show near you.

[Glebe]

What happened to the 'no nudity' clause you put in your contract after one producer asked you to go topless for straight-to-DVD sequel Total Recall: Back in the Martian Saddle!?

[Ferris]

This is empowering.

Buy tickets now.

[Glebe]

No. of tickets sold so far = 0.

Cover up, for goodness' sake!

[popcorn]

Sitting opposite Ferris as he prepares to adapt my nudity was an extraordinary feeling. His relentless, laser-like focus, and uncanny vocal and physical resemblance to me and my nudity ... I've always been a fan of his and the palpable sense of will that he brings to a character.

[Glebe]

It's natural for you to shed your fleece, mind. We're talking about an adult human going starkers - in Hollywood!

[selectivememory]

It's utterly scandalous.

[Glebe]

It's utterly scandalous.

As is everything Ferris does in Tinseltown! Watch this space tattle fans!

[Glebe]

I've changed my mind- I wanna see Ferris nude!

[Ferris]

I've changed my mind- I wanna see Ferris nude!

$269 for something towards the back but if you want to be up the front it can be $1000+ per seat.

Worth it, mind. Better than whatever shit popcorn is parping out

[Glebe]

Got a $2000 ticket off a scalper. It's not even a seat, I'll be standing behind a pillar at the back of the auditorium! Won't see your nudity now!

[Ferris]

My nudity is now streaming on some of your favourite digital platforms.

[Glebe]

It's really getting out of hand now. You've gone from hotly-tipped star to Beverly Hills embarrassment!

[Glebe]

This nudist clothed yet?

[Glebe]

Watch out Hollywood - I'm packing up my bums in an old kit-bag and heading west! My naked bum reveals will make me the envy of Tinseltown!

[Ferris]

Apparently you can tell I'm pissed up on the Jay Leno show I did. Airs tonight.

[Glebe]

Leno demanded you wear a pair of briefs apparently.

[Senior Baiano]

Do you find that everyone is just so fake over there

[Glebe]

Do you find that everyone is just so nude over there

[Glebe]

Ferris is expecting a visit from his old showbiz pal Malcolm Hebden, but we've heard reports that the former Corrie star has been arrested at LAX.

"Guy had a packet of plain digestives in his suitcase," reveals LAPD spokesperson Officer Kowalski.

[Ferris]

I am launching a podcast. My first guest will be Conan O'Brian.

[frajer]

Second guest rumoured to be Conan the Barbarian! Live on tape from Hollywood, it's ConanCast with Ferris!

Sponsored by Squarespace, MeUndies and Kevin Smith's backwards hat and long shorts emporium.