Cook'd and Bomb'd

Forums => General Bullshit => Topic started by: canadagoose on April 04, 2021, 03:22:41 PM

Title: Peter's Mad Thoughts 2021
Post by: canadagoose on April 04, 2021, 03:22:41 PM
Can't believe we've not had one of these this year yet. Either that, or we have, and Google hasn't indexed it yet.

When I was in Boots earlier today, I was walking past a guy stacking the bottom shelf, with his arse sticking out. I couldn't stop thinking what would happen if I just "accidentally" gave him a gentle boot up the bum. Obviously I wasn't going to do it, because he didn't deserve it and I'm not a total arsehole (well, usually). The thought just seemed funny at the time.
Title: Re: Peter's Mad Thoughts 2021
Post by: bgmnts on April 04, 2021, 03:24:45 PM
Genuinely fantasised about killing someone the other day. Just walking past them and jamming a knife in their throat and walking away, totally random.

Consoling myself that these intrusive thoughts are fine.
Title: Re: Peter's Mad Thoughts 2021
Post by: Scarlet Intangible on April 04, 2021, 05:02:54 PM
You had the chance to call this 'Rita's Mad Thoughts' and you blew it, canadagoose.


Sometimes, when my cat is sitting at the top of the stairs, it flashes in my mind to kick him like a rugby ball. And sometimes, when my cat is curled up on my bed, it flashes in my mind to throw him against the wall.[1]

These are just flashes, mind. But even if I did it it wouldn't matter because he is male and I am a misandrist. Fuck men. My cat is the oppressor.
 1. like a fluffy, four-legged dart
Title: Re: Peter's Mad Thoughts 2021
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on April 04, 2021, 05:35:25 PM
When I see a single duck swim past on a river, often I start planning how I'm gonna get it home.
Title: Re: Peter's Mad Thoughts 2021
Post by: Chedney Honks on April 04, 2021, 08:41:58 PM
Genuinely fantasised about killing someone the other day. Just walking past them and jamming a knife in their throat and walking away, totally random.

Consoling myself that these intrusive thoughts are fine.

I do this all the time. It's normal to want to right a few wrongs.
Title: Re: Peter's Mad Thoughts 2021
Post by: icehaven on April 05, 2021, 02:34:13 AM
You had the chance to call this 'Rita's Mad Thoughts' and you blew it, canadagoose.


Sometimes, when my cat is sitting at the top of the stairs, it flashes in my mind to kick him like a rugby ball. And sometimes, when my cat is curled up on my bed, it flashes in my mind to throw him against the wall.[1]

These are just flashes, mind. But even if I did it it wouldn't matter because he is male and I am a misandrist. Fuck men. My cat is the oppressor.
 1. like a fluffy, four-legged dart

:|
Title: Re: Peter's Mad Thoughts 2021
Post by: Poobum on April 05, 2021, 12:23:18 PM
My initial reaction to anything cute is wanting to hug it till it bursts, pick it up and scream at it, or kick it out a window. When my guinea pigs run to me wheaking there heads off I often imagine drop kicking them over the fence, I never question why.

I had a mad thought that genuinely upset me, it was after holding a tarantula, where I imagined myself putting it on the floor and stamping its guts out; the imagined reaction of horror, betrayed trust, and anger caused a genuine spike in anxiety.
Title: Re: Peter's Mad Thoughts 2021
Post by: Scarlet Intangible on April 05, 2021, 12:33:34 PM
Solidarity Poobum.
Title: Re: Peter's Mad Thoughts 2021
Post by: wrec on April 08, 2021, 07:10:56 PM
I had a mad thought that genuinely upset me, it was after holding a tarantula, where I imagined myself putting it on the floor and stamping its guts out; the imagined reaction of horror, betrayed trust, and anger caused a genuine spike in anxiety.

It would probably be dead before having a chance to feel any of those emotions
Title: Re: Peter's Mad Thoughts 2021
Post by: An tSaoi on April 08, 2021, 07:52:15 PM
Driving home. Big truck coming the other way. "What would happen if I crossed into the other lane at the last second? I'd be killed dead hahaha"

Man walking a dog on the hard shoulder. "All it takes is one wee turn of the wheel. Ah got ya, ya cunt!".

I actually jiggled the wheel a bit as I passed.

Another driving one: you have to press a button to open the gate at work. Stupidly, the button is on the passenger side, so you have to get out and walk round. There's one guy always shows up just before me. I'd love to just drive up to him and slowly pin him up against the gate. He'd be hunched over the dash, looking at me, in incredible pain, wondering what the fuck is wrong with me, and I'd just blow the horn and keep inching forward until he died. Or maybe I'd wave at him. "Well lad, what's the craic?" "Argh eurgh fuck oh god!" hahahaha

My thoughts don't go as far as what would happen next. I'd probably get the sack or something.
Title: Re: Peter's Mad Thoughts 2021
Post by: Poobum on April 09, 2021, 11:29:08 AM
It would probably be dead before having a chance to feel any of those emotions

I refute.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G4DjMYn7SIU


Title: Re: Peter's Mad Thoughts 2021
Post by: wrec on April 09, 2021, 04:10:22 PM
I refute.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G4DjMYn7SIU

Caught a few mice in traps recently and when disposing of them my main fear was that they'd pull off something like this, either involuntarily or as a calculated act of vengeance
Title: Re: Peter's Mad Thoughts 2021
Post by: Scarlet Intangible on April 10, 2021, 11:11:03 AM
Hello father. Forgive me, for I have sinned with my brain:


I sometimes - when I see a lorry with big wheels coming 'towards' me (when I'm walking) - imagine what it would be like to dive head first into them.

And I sometimes - as I am walking down the stairs - imagine myself falling down the stairs.



And also - most despicably - I once walked past a very pretty garden, with lots of beautiful flowers - all neatly arranged - and I thought about sneaking there in the dead of night and tearing all of the flowers to shreds (and dumping them in a pile in the middle of the garden), and how whoever lived there would find them in the morning - with utter disbelief - and be maybe livid or distraught; and the thought of that, as I walked past the garden, made me actually laugh, out loud, in the street, like an actual mad person.


NOW DO YOU FORGIVE ME?

(SAY HI TO CHERYL AND THE KIDS, BY THE WAY. AND REMEMBER I AM FREE TO BABYSIT WHENEVER YOU WANT. JUST SAY.)
Title: Re: Peter's Mad Thoughts 2021
Post by: icehaven on April 13, 2021, 08:05:16 AM
Went for a long canal side walk with Mr. Haven the other day, and every time he peered in to see if he could see any fish I desperately wanted to just give him a little shove so he splooshed in.
Title: Re: Peter's Mad Thoughts 2021
Post by: Thomas on April 14, 2021, 09:57:45 AM
scissors in the bathroom

willy in the bathroom

snip willy
Title: Re: Peter's Mad Thoughts 2021
Post by: Fambo Number Mive on April 14, 2021, 10:04:17 AM
scissors in the bathroom

willy in the bathroom

snip willy

The Beat consider rewrite.
Title: Re: Peter's Mad Thoughts 2021
Post by: buttgammon on April 14, 2021, 10:24:07 AM
scissors in the bathroom

Slap me on the patio, I'll take it now.
Title: Re: Peter's Mad Thoughts 2021
Post by: Cuellar on April 15, 2021, 06:49:52 PM
Them: "[Old PE teacher who was a prick] died suddenly the other day. Heart attack"
Others:"ah that's a shame"
Me (too cowardly to send it to the group chat): "Cya mate! 😂😂😂"
Title: Re: Peter's Mad Thoughts 2021
Post by: Shameless Custard on April 29, 2021, 05:32:06 PM
New noisy neighbours downstairs, a small young family. Just constant door slamming and them generally existing

During a particularly noisy moment I found myself telling Mrs Custard how I could maybe slice up his wife and kid with a Stanley knife one enchanted evening, and then use it to pin the kid to his door, as a welcome home present for when he gets back from work. Maybe use the blood to scrawl "NO MORE NOISE PLEASE" on his door above the carcass

She actually laughed, which I didn't expect. Maybe it was out of shock

Would never do such a thing, obviously. Just a mad thought. Probably too much Limmy. Or sugar

Kicking kittens, though? I'm feeling like a saint, compared

I still get the old mad thought of suddenly sticking a pint glass in someone's neck as we're happily chatting in the pub. A sticky bloody Heineken neck as the life drains from their panicked, confused face. Told you beer gardens were trouble. When the rozzers come, just blame it on forgetting to bring your sunhat
Title: Re: Peter's Mad Thoughts 2021
Post by: Dex Sawash on May 01, 2021, 11:56:21 AM
Think sometimes of doing my own edit glitch sock account.
Edit Glitch Terminator, possibly.
Title: Re: Peter's Mad Thoughts 2021
Post by: Video Game Fan 2000 on May 10, 2021, 03:53:22 PM
I was getting the paper coffee filters out the other day and I wondered how many I'd have to eat for it to be a fatal dose.
Title: Re: Peter's Mad Thoughts 2021
Post by: Endicott on May 10, 2021, 04:56:57 PM
I regularly walk past a garden where the owner obviously looks after it quite well. There's some plants in it, no idea what they are but they look like 5 foot high carrot tops. I would like to leave a 3 foot plastic carrot in the garden one night. If it had bites out of it like in Bugs Bunny so much the better. Got as far as googling to see if such a thing exists but couldn't find one.
Title: Re: Peter's Mad Thoughts 2021
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on May 13, 2021, 10:08:45 PM
I regularly walk past a garden where the owner obviously looks after it quite well. There's some plants in it, no idea what they are but they look like 5 foot high carrot tops. I would like to leave a 3 foot plastic carrot in the garden one night. If it had bites out of it like in Bugs Bunny so much the better. Got as far as googling to see if such a thing exists but couldn't find one.

Once poured 4 boxes of golden graham's on someone's gold pebble driveway

THIS'LL BLOW HIS GODDAMNED MIND

my idiot brain thought