Feeling short-changed because a bad event didn't happen to you.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

It felt like I had swollen glands this morning, slightly uncomfortable swallowing anything. Immediately the 'uh-oh, cold or mumps or AIDS or something' alarm bells rang off. Popped into town, had a sandwich, now sat here realising that whatever was going on is no longer going on. I'm healthy. What was the physical point of that then, body?

And then in town I passed a series of young folk handing out leaflets. I didn't make it clear I wouldn't be interested (using that swervy body language that sometimes does the trick). I walked very near to them, but the cunts didn't even bother trying to offload their shitty club thingies onto me. Of course in reality this is great, because it means I don't have to worry about disposing of it, but it also left me feeling left out. I'm no longer in the potential sphere of custom. I bloody hate being bothered and having bits of coloured card thrust in front of me (probably why I lost that job at the stationers), so this makes no sense.

What a bizarre feeling.

[Mister Six]

I was reading Things the Grandchildren Should Know, the autobiography of Eels frontman Mark 'E' Everett, and felt slightly jealous that I'd never had a tragic death in the family[nb]I mean, grandparents and all that, but you half expect that don't you?[/nb], hung around with a bad crowd or had an aeroplane land on my neighbourhood.

I wouldn't actually want any of these things to happen to me in real life but I still feel like I've been robbed of some interesting autobiographical fodder.

[Zero Gravitas]

I was really hoping for gang rape when I woke up this morning.

[Delete Delete Delete]

I was really hoping for gang rape when I woke up this morning.

Its not rape if you want it to happen.

[Neville Chamberlain]

The very same thing happened to me just this very lunchtime while I was walking through town (EDIT: Not gang rape, obviously!!!!!!!!!!!)! These young chaps and girls handing out leaflets for some scumhole of a "club" I wouldn't go near unless I wanted to get stabbed or otherwise fatally roughed up seemed to actively avoid handing out a leaflet to me. I even put on a slightly jaunty walk and adjusted my jacket to a more rakish angle as I approached them. Obviously, had they given me a leaflet I would have chucked it straight into the bin, but it's the fucking principle of the matter! As with you, shoulders, they didn't even fucking try!

[Ronnie the Raincoat]

I have seriously toyed with the idea of calling my book, "Daddy Didn't: One Woman's Triumph Over Not Being Raped By Her Father".

[biggytitbo]

I'd rather feign a fatal collapse in the street than get acosted by the clipboard cunts that infest Leeds city centre, but I too do feel slightly afronted when they don't stop me. It must be the scowl.

[Claude the Racecar Driving Rockstar Super Sleuth]

I was robbed of my chance to become Batman because some selfish sod didn't tragically murder my parents when I was little.

[buttgammon]

If I don't get club flyers, I always assume it's because they don't think I look 'cool' enough to bother. It's as if to say "we know he'll spend Saturday night watching MOTD and probably end up masturbating in the dark anyway so we might as well give the little piece of pointless paper to someone who has enough of a life to at least be worthy of putting it in the bin." The judgemental bastards. I WANT A FUCKING FLYER TO DISPOSE OF ONCE IN A WHILE!

That said, the political activists force every leaflet going on me and I keep them too. Beneath a stack of paper here, I've got tonnes of 'Stop the BNP' material and even something inviting me to a talk about Castro or something so take that you clubby bastards.

[ThickAndCreamy]

I like to have shit events happen to me every now and again for a variety of reasons. Firstly, it puts your ordinary life into perspective, in that it makes you recognise how much you have, how much experiences truly have meant to you and the whole taking things for granted stuff. It also stops me devaluing comfort and happiness, in that to not know the extreme lows of life is to not realise just how incredible and transforming the highs can be. It's understandable to want shit to happen to you, and whilst I don't encourage it, when something utterly bleak happens, I try to embrace the faults, acknowledge how it's made me a better person and generally move on. I've had days this summer wherein I've felt severe depression and an anxiety that stops me from enjoying the most beautiful aspects of life, then the next being the opposite, enhanced by the day before.

I'm not saying you should try to get stuck in sub-zero temperatures on a mountain range with just a compass and a slice of toast so you can feel alive, just that it does make some sense to want bad things to happen, in that it may make you live a fuller and more widely experienced life.

People don't usually climb Everest because it's a lot of fun.

_{This is probably too serious for what I can see is a non-serious thread... but fuck it.}

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

This is an odd way to derail my own thread, but you know when people describe fulfilling ambitions as having scaled 'their Everest'? Well, even if I do at some point scale Everest I'll still feel like I haven't scaled metaphorical Everest.

Carry on.

[ThickAndCreamy]

If I ever scaled Everest I could just imagine being impressed at myself for a week and then thinking how it's a meaningless achievement and a mountain for twats. See, K2 is where the real action's at, and it's not cliche like the ponce known as Everest. Still, once I climb K2 I'd realise that it is also a complete twunt and anyone can climb it.

_{Note: I will never climb Everest as climbing mountains when not on a bike is very boring.}

[Claude the Racecar Driving Rockstar Super Sleuth]

All mountains are equally weedy compared to the Mariana Trench.

If Mount Everest, the highest mountain on Earth at 8,848 metres (29,029 ft), were set in the deepest part of the Mariana Trench, there would be 2,076 metres (6,811 ft) of water left above it.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

No one wants to plummet to their metaphorical Marianas Trench though.

[The Boston Crab]

I have seriously toyed with the idea of calling my book, "Daddy Didn't: One Woman's Triumph Over Not Being Raped By Her Father".

I double-double-dare you. It made me laugh for about five to seven seconds. Can't be sure how long, you lose time in a laugh.

[QDRPHNC]

I got the feeling Canada was a bit put out on 9/11.