Dating Apps

[Joe Qunt]

I'm the least fussy human on the planet.

Well get a ride in then.

[bgmnts]

?

[Joe Qunt]

Shag.

[bgmnts]

Oh hadn't thought of that!

[Marner and Me]

Shag.

Marry

[flotemysost]

Plenty of Fash

Ha!

[Dr Rock]

Well partly due to this thread and partly due to overcoming my algophobia, I thought that after a two year break maybe I'd dip my toe in the strange waters of dating apps again. Bumble was still on my phone, I threw together a fab intro ('no terfs') and took a couple of crappy photos, and the next thing I've matched with three loverly ladies. On Bumble the lady does the first message, and so far they've all been too shy or uninterested to say hi.

Christ though, so many of them want to travel and go hiking, nobody seems to want to just sit around watching netflix and have sex.

[Sonny_Jim]

That reminds me, ages ago I did a MITM attack on tinder, which basically meant auto-swipe right on anyone and I also had the ability to set whatever location I wanted.  Completely useless, but was fun matching with random Brazilian women.

[greencalx]

What happens if you swipe wrong?

[Pink Gregory]

What happens if you swipe wrong?

electric shock to genitalia and eyes

[Jerrykeshton]

I met my now wife on one about 6 years ago, so it can be done.

Bald, tall, not particularly muscular. But enough about the missus.

Seriously though, it's a absolute pain in the arse.
My best tip is to get a literate female friend to have a look at the profile. They are able to suggest the type of things they might find attractive, which might give you an advantage over the  "gunshow in the mirror" ads

[phes]

Sign up for absolutely every single app with bio fuck is this shit? sit back and watch the magic happen

[MojoJojo]

('no terfs')

I agree with the sentiment, but using your bio as a list of restrictions is a pet peeve of mine. It's your advertising space - even if I pass your rules, it's a very negative and conceited way of presenting yourself.

[Dr Rock]

I changed it to 'no murderers or terfs'

[phes]

I agree with the sentiment, but using your bio as a list of restrictions is a pet peeve of mine. It's your advertising space - even if I pass your rules, it's a very negative and conceited way of presenting yourself.

Agree about the list of restrictions thing but I've been on dates with three terfs now and that's a waste of both our time 

[JaDanketies]

yeah I definitely hated it when people put restrictions in their bio, even 'no nazis' is a little aggressive on a dating app made with pink and pastel tones. Perhaps instead a positive thing in your bio about how 'we should all be nice to each other' would be good and would filter the same people. 'I really hope you're accepting and tolerant, because I'm weird and frustrating" maybe

[iamcoop]

I always found it was better to frame something positively rather than negatively, ie "I support trans rights" or something along those lines.

It's the same reason why you'd say "I love cooking" rather than "If you expect me to cook for you then you can fuck off" which would frankly be weird.

I think it's a tough balance to get, I agree I'd feel like my time had been wasted if I went on a date with someone and quickly found them to be a terf/massive tory etc but conversely people who's profiles are just a long list of "If you're A/B/C then fuck off" just give off needlessly aggressive vibes, even if I largely agree with those sentiments.

[Sebastian Cobb]

'I really hope you're accepting and tolerant, because I'm weird and frustrating" maybe

Alright, Marilyn Monroe.

[flotemysost]

To paraphrase Hanlon's Razor: never assume "pickiness" when "crippling social anxiety" will suffice! Honestly, plenty of women have these insecurities and worries too; paired with a lifetime of internalised social conditioning bollocks about being passive and not "chasing" partners, plus possibly very legitimate safety concerns around meeting strangers, it's not really a shock that many of us can be a bit rubbish at initiating things.

With me, it normally goes something like: "Right, this attractive, cool-seeming person has messaged me... shit, what do I say (that won't make me sound like a complete boring loser)?! I'll think of a reply after this meeting. Actually I need a bit more time, I'll do it after lunch. Hmm, it's a got a bit late now - is it going to look weird/sad if they think I just spend my evenings going through dating apps? Yeah, let's do it tomorrow. I'll definitely do it tomorrow. Oh God, it's been three days now, that's too long isn't it? They're probably happily settled with the love of their life by now anyway."

I always found it was better to frame something positively rather than negatively, ie "I support trans rights" or something along those lines.

It's the same reason why you'd say "I love cooking" rather than "If you expect me to cook for you then you can fuck off" which would frankly be weird.

I think it's a tough balance to get, I agree I'd feel like my time had been wasted if I went on a date with someone and quickly found them to be a terf/massive tory etc but conversely people who's profiles are just a long list of "If you're A/B/C then fuck off" just give off needlessly aggressive vibes, even if I largely agree with those sentiments.

Agree, it's a tricky one; giving some indication of values that are important to you is good, but it's easy to come off as an unnecessarily hostile shopping list, which isn't particularly enticing. But then stuff like "be kind to everyone" is a bit wishy-washy and still doesn't really give the other person much to go on. Hinge has a prompt that's something like "A cause that's important to me is...", which is probably a good way of framing it, as you say.

I reckon a vaguely entertaining anecdote is a good way of giving people something to ask about; not so much the humblebrag "I climbed Kilimanjaro in 5 minutes"-type ones, which don't actually stand out all that much (in fact travel stories in general... fine if they're genuinely interesting/funny, but being privileged enough to afford lots of expensive flights and time off work isn't an interesting personality train in itself!). Just something with "tell me more" potential to it, no matter how mundane - I have a particularly stupid one on my profile and that's normally the thing that people comment on initially.

[Claude the Racecar Driving Rockstar Super Sleuth]

This has been my chief frustration with Hinge (followed closely by recieving no replies from anyone yet). 90% of the profiles I've looked at amount to little more than "I'm looking for a man who isn't a shithead". The irony is that, in providing no evidence of their own personality, they've made it so you can only judge them on looks, which is what shitheaded men do.

[C_Larence]

Hinge can be frustrating seeing the same answers to prompts over and over. "I'll fall for you if: you trip me over" Yes, very droll.

 "Don't hate me if I: Take three to five business days to respond" I loathe this one, the specificity combined with the ubiquitousness really depresses me.

"My last shower thought: it's wet in here" (I think this one is sometimes a genuine misunderstanding of the term tbf)

[flotemysost]

Yeah the one-word replies crack me up. "A life goal of mine is: Live" and "I take pride in: Life" on the same profile was a recent fave.

Feel like a bit of a twat laughing at this stuff actually, because not everyone finds it easy to express themselves in writing, or perhaps aren't fluent in English, and you're automatically at a disadvantage if that's the case; I'm sure there are plenty of people who probably come off a bit wooden or awkward in this (already quite unnatural) context, but would be perfectly charismatic and interesting in person. And on the contrary, lots of people are far more confident when they have time to prepare and compose written messages, than when they're on the spot in person.

Agree that it's easy to feel jaded by the very obviously hackneyed "joke" answers once you've seen them a million times though.

[El Unicornio, mang]

I've had much more luck with meeting women "naturally" through arranged social events like Meetup than the apps. I have a friend who is desperate for a girlfriend. He's a decent looking guy, nice personality, good job, but he gives off the desperate vibe which is massively off-putting and of course it's a vicious cycle. He showed me his phone the other day and he literally has 8 different dating apps installed on there (I hadn't even heard of half of them) which he's not getting anywhere with but he'll spend the bulk of the time we're out drinking or whatever swiping through/messaging.

[Dr Rock]

Looking for a partner in crime

Likes - dancing in the rain

Ok, I'm off dating apps again.

[drummersaredeaf]

This is a good one that I dug out of the archives. I stopped replying as you might imagine, and I think it was around this time I knocked it on the head full stop.

[Dr Rock]

I like her cos of the 'fucking traveling' rule

[drummersaredeaf]

I think she wanted a butler rather than a boyfriend. But one who could keep their possessions down to a small suitcase.

[bgmnts]

I wonder how many men would fuck her off before she really stretches the word 'reasonably' close to where she lives?

[drummersaredeaf]

Much of it is fairly reasonable really - as a choice in a partner even if many would 'fail' the assorted criteria. The entire tone and approach is fairly self-defeating though, in that it screams 'i will not bend or compromise, and any of your interests take up space in my life, in which you are not welcome'.

[JamesTC]

I remember I was so excited to meet the woman. Spent a ridiculously long time getting ready and then waiting. The time finally came and she was cold and unresponsive throughout the whole thing and I felt so dejected.

EDIT: Sorry, meant to post this in the dead Queen thread.