Cook'd and Bomb'd

Forums => Picture Box => Topic started by: Jumble Cashback on February 03, 2011, 08:08:53 PM

Title: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Jumble Cashback on February 03, 2011, 08:08:53 PM
Just spotted the headline 'GOOGLE EYES APPLE IN TABLET WAR' on the BBC's website.  Imagine waking up from a 30 year coma and seeing that in the morning paper.  Anyone else seen any headlines that could lunge happily out of CM's newsmouth?
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on February 03, 2011, 08:16:33 PM
Retweet maiself? OH YAEAH

Quote
'rapist wins junk food ban case' 'frozen egg mother abused online'. are these real, beeb?

Both existing modern BBC news headlines.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: chand on February 04, 2011, 12:04:22 AM
The Mail's "Parkinson's medication turned me into gambling gay sex thief, says 51-year-old married father" from yesterday was impressive.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Zero Gravitas on February 04, 2011, 12:19:58 AM
(http://i.imgur.com/ywotP.jpg)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: thecuriousorange on February 04, 2011, 12:27:50 AM
(http://www.brightoncity.com/argus-frontpage.jpg)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: actwithoutwords on February 04, 2011, 12:44:33 AM
(http://sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/photos-ak-sf2p/v81/169/42/37300499/n37300499_30278020_313.jpg)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: thecuriousorange on February 04, 2011, 12:48:24 AM
(http://www.holdthefrontpage.co.uk/images4/welwyntimesdead.jpg)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Marty McFly on February 04, 2011, 12:59:07 AM
A couple from Norfolk newspapers this week:

"Stiletto Attack in Nightclub"
"Woman hurt by exploding Washing Machine"
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Mister Six on February 04, 2011, 01:06:02 AM
A couple from Norfolk newspapers this week:

"Stiletto Attack in Nightclub"
"Woman hurt by exploding Washing Machine"

Dunno, they sound a bit mundane to me. "Woman hurt by exploding washing" might be more impressive.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: TIAL on February 04, 2011, 01:11:05 AM
(http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v79/Polska/953082d2.jpg)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: El Unicornio, mang on February 04, 2011, 01:15:34 AM
Dunno, they sound a bit mundane to me. "Woman hurt by exploding washing" might be more impressive.

Or: "washing machine hurt by exploding woman"
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: thecuriousorange on February 04, 2011, 01:28:02 AM
(http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v79/Polska/953082d2.jpg)

At first glance I thought that said Girls' School Stiff Offering.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Zero Gravitas on February 04, 2011, 01:35:26 AM
It's already been in the tags but what the hell, it's a tradition!

(http://i.imgur.com/Zdioj.jpg)

I still have warm memories of that spate of dog electrocutions in 2007

Second dog electrocuted by lamppost
Mastiff ‘shot five feet in the air’

http://www.thecnj.com/camden/022207/news022207_16.html (http://www.thecnj.com/camden/022207/news022207_16.html)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Small Man Big Horse on February 04, 2011, 02:22:16 AM
(http://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb300/smallmanbighorse/castles.jpg)

(http://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb300/smallmanbighorse/femaledogwalker.jpg)

Alas I cropped the headline, but the story's a good one.

(http://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb300/smallmanbighorse/michaeljackson.jpg)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on February 04, 2011, 02:28:14 AM
The one remaining one I can find of:

(http://t2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcR6AtJYqQXWXrAHHut3buaIBqzTPSG65FBkAhFndHJPWepi2r1k&t=1)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: thecuriousorange on February 04, 2011, 02:38:20 AM
(http://www.pootergeek.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/06/lavenderbush.jpg)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Big Jack McBastard on February 04, 2011, 02:48:33 AM
(http://i740.photobucket.com/albums/xx44/Big_Jack_McB/obam.jpg?t=1296787652)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Depressed Beyond Tables on February 04, 2011, 03:10:21 AM
I always thought this was a bit insensitive:

(http://img841.imageshack.us/img841/3243/thesun911frontpage.jpg)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: El Unicornio, mang on February 04, 2011, 03:19:38 AM
Some failblog ones

(http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2009/04/fail-owned-headline-fail.jpg)

(http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2011/01/cbc2388d-024f-475d-98c1-3a9c2ac5715b.jpg)

(http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2010/12/98adb705-98c1-491a-b627-d402597ca3fb.jpg)

(http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2010/11/83cee58e-27d7-4fc1-a686-ca2d4e7bf0e8.jpg)

(http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2010/11/d4a8c137-563a-4e10-8a79-ff2f99b1e523.jpg)

(http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2010/07/24932a20-5e39-4cdf-8760-e3ecd2df6870.jpg)

(http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2010/07/d7617c47-664c-41a2-afb3-7270d6f82c8f.jpg)

(http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2009/10/suezq-shotbyhouse.jpg)

(http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2009/10/maxm-delicioussandwich.jpg)

(http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2009/10/picdump_24.jpg)

(http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2009/08/cougar.jpg)

(http://failblog.files.wordpress.com/2009/08/yum.jpg)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Santa's Boyfriend on February 04, 2011, 09:21:58 AM
(http://kevinallman.typepad.com/photos/uncategorized/2008/03/13/picture_7.png)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: biggytitbo on February 04, 2011, 10:11:52 AM
This wins:
German throws puppy at Hells Angels then flees on bulldozer
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Jemble Fred on February 04, 2011, 03:01:21 PM
This really doesn't belong here, but I can't find our last 'weird news' thread. http://www.kcra.com/r/26722035/detail.html (http://www.kcra.com/r/26722035/detail.html)

Quote
"Nice Tits," said Derrick Deanda, reading the message printed on the small piece of candy that referred to a woman's chest.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Jumble Cashback on February 05, 2011, 08:32:01 PM
Just seen another good one on the BBC website: CHERNOBYL BIRDS ARE SMALL BRAINED.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: momatt on February 08, 2011, 11:13:18 AM
This is as good a place as any to write this - On last night's News Night they included a clip of The Day Today in the opening few minutes.  It was the patriotic bit they show in emergencies after John Major and the Queen have a fight, including a policeman smoking a spliff etc.
Just thought it was a bit odd, as so much of Morris’s character is based on Paxman in the first place, didn’t quite fit either.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Doctor Stamen on February 08, 2011, 08:18:04 PM
Saw this a couple of days back and it made me chuckle.  I think it's the "NOT" that does it.

TV presenter Bob Wilson's son-in-law was killed by corned beef sandwich NOT sea urchin (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1352764/TV-presenter-Bob-Wilsons-son-law-killed-corned-beef-sandwich-NOT-sea-urchin.html)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Lookalike Mark Chapman on February 09, 2011, 03:57:36 PM
ROBOTS TO GET THEIR OWN INTERNET (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/technology-12400647)

Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Ignatius_S on February 09, 2011, 04:06:16 PM
Man killed by knife-wielding cock (http://www.metro.co.uk/weird/854925-man-killed-by-knife-wielding-cock)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on February 09, 2011, 04:08:41 PM
Quote
UK buttock injection woman dies

It might be slightly insensitive to post that but the BBC seem to want to wring out the weirdness for all it's worth, because it's The Sun, apparently.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: sirhenry on February 09, 2011, 04:19:48 PM
Boy killed in giant snowman horror.
Still my favourite headline. It's the extra 'horror' for no reason that makes it.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: AnonymousPoster on February 09, 2011, 07:59:13 PM
(http://i.imgur.com/0ssBt.jpg)
http://goo.gl/WqnU2
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Lord Mandrake on February 09, 2011, 08:15:23 PM
Inventor to fight giant bear in robocop titanium suit.

Matrix copycat killed by train.

Dog shoot woman.

Man's head found in giant cod.

Pc knocked out by own reflection.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: 2 Light Ales Please on February 09, 2011, 08:53:03 PM
I saw "MY RAPE TERROR AT HANDS OF PIRATES" on the front of the Daily Mail last year.  Dunno if it's exactly the Day Today standards, but it certainly made me chuckle.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on February 09, 2011, 09:30:58 PM
Local Sheffield News:

PERVERT LOLLIPOP MAN THROWN OUT

Which I'm sure you'll agree is laced with intrigue.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: George Oscar Bluth II on February 09, 2011, 11:37:03 PM
Transvestite had sex with a dog at English Heritage castle

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/7902348/Transvestite-had-sex-with-a-dog-at-English-Heritage-castle.html (http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/7902348/Transvestite-had-sex-with-a-dog-at-English-Heritage-castle.html)

Quote
A spokesman for English Heritage said: "This was a very rare incident".
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Zetetic on February 09, 2011, 11:39:10 PM
Hooker Overcomes Illness, Slaps Beaver
Or as it later was… (http://www.swdtimes.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=3694)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Mister Six on February 10, 2011, 10:37:38 AM
(http://a2.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc6/180127_10150137088091690_622131689_8512509_4618866_n.jpg)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: sick as a pike on February 10, 2011, 10:48:31 AM
Not the headline, but this picture caption from the other day:

(http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v202/sickasapike/JohnSudworth.jpg)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Panbaams on February 10, 2011, 12:42:10 PM
(http://i26.tinypic.com/v6okz8.jpg)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on February 10, 2011, 12:45:10 PM
I can actually still remember Mark Lawrenson cutting over Ray Stubbs who had the unenviable job of saying his name, with "What did you say his name way Ray, FUCKS?!"
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: biggytitbo on February 10, 2011, 01:15:07 PM
Transvestite had sex with a dog at English Heritage castle

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/7902348/Transvestite-had-sex-with-a-dog-at-English-Heritage-castle.html (http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/7902348/Transvestite-had-sex-with-a-dog-at-English-Heritage-castle.html)

Quote
As the two ladies spotted the cross dresser he ran away. Later one of the dogs chased after the man; by the time the women had caught up, the man was having sex with the pet.

You have to admire how quickly he talked the dog into it. He must be a right charmer!
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: BlodwynPig on February 10, 2011, 01:25:07 PM
^ Utterly utterly bizarre. How big was the dog?
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: George Oscar Bluth II on February 10, 2011, 07:02:30 PM
I like how the guy's train of thought must have gone:

"Oh shit! I've been caught outside dressed as a woman, how embarassing! Better run off, the shame, the shame..."

...

"Phwor, that dog's a bit of alright"

Baffling.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Blumf on February 11, 2011, 06:36:26 PM
Kubica gets dead Pope's blood (http://m.news24.com/sport24/Motorsport/FormulaOne/Kubica-gets-dead-Popes-blood-20110211)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Chomsky Honk on February 13, 2011, 02:31:13 AM
Not so much Day Today-esque as The Day Today actually happening:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-12429353 (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-12429353)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Small Man Big Horse on February 13, 2011, 02:43:46 AM
Transvestite had sex with a dog at English Heritage castle

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/7902348/Transvestite-had-sex-with-a-dog-at-English-Heritage-castle.html (http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/7902348/Transvestite-had-sex-with-a-dog-at-English-Heritage-castle.html)

Quote
A spokesman for English Heritage said: "This was a very rare incident".


Which suggests it's happened at least once before...
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Still Not George on February 14, 2011, 12:19:27 PM
He means it's only partially cooked.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on February 14, 2011, 12:33:18 PM
He means it's only partially cooked.

Bravo
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Jumble Cashback on February 24, 2011, 12:53:44 PM
Another one from BBC online: Sexy Monkys Wash With Own Urine.  At what point did the pronouncement of inter-species 'sexiness' fall under the category of objective reportage.  Did I miss a meeting?
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: El Unicornio, mang on February 24, 2011, 09:44:57 PM
http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2011/02/24/us-man-gets-25-years-for-south-park-threats/ (http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2011/02/24/us-man-gets-25-years-for-south-park-threats/)

Quote
A US man was Thursday sentenced to 25 years in prison on terror charges, including threatening the creators of the animated series "South Park" for portraying the Prophet Mohammed in a bear suit
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: George Oscar Bluth II on February 24, 2011, 10:48:41 PM
Kate Middleton launches a boat, then walks about

http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2011/feb/24/kate-middleton-launches-a-boat?CMP=twt_fd (http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2011/feb/24/kate-middleton-launches-a-boat?CMP=twt_fd)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: mobias on February 26, 2011, 04:39:13 PM
Trying to link some photos from my facebook page but can't seem to manage it
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Famous Mortimer on March 04, 2011, 07:26:27 AM
Not so much a headline, but there's an apparently real academic study into student drinking called

Student Choices and Alcohol Matters.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Ignatius_S on March 04, 2011, 03:25:31 PM
Live sex class troubles university president (http://news.nationalpost.com/2011/03/04/live-sex-class-troubles-university-president/)

Quote
CHICAGO — The head of a U.S. university said Thursday he was launching an investigation into an on-campus presentation of a live sex act performed for students at an after-class event.

Morton Schapiro, president of Northwestern University, a private school in the Chicago suburb of Evanston, said he was “troubled and disappointed” after hearing about the use of a motorized sex toy on a naked woman by her fiancé in front of more than 100 students.

Jim Marcus and Faith Kroll were part of a group of four adults brought to speak about the world of kink and fetish in an optional seminar that followed psychology professor J. Michael Bailey’s popular class on human sexuality, the Chicago Sun-Times reported.

The live sex act featured a sex toy with a power-saw handle and an attachment representing erect male genitalia in place of the saw blade.

Meanwhile, Daily Northwestern reports (http://www.dailynorthwestern.com/mobile/campus/northwestern-investigates-sex-toy-demonstration-1.2505155):

Quote
Bailey has publicly defended the demonstration as educational about sexual diversity, which is a common theme in his classes. He said he has received no complaints about the incident...

...The optional presentation last Monday, attended by about 120 students, featured a naked non-student woman being repeatedly sexually stimulated to the point of orgasm by the sex toy, essentially a motorized phallus.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: NoSleep on March 04, 2011, 04:12:20 PM
Inventor to fight giant bear in robocop titanium suit.

http://www.inventortroy.com/ (http://www.inventortroy.com/)

This guy was featured on In Bed With MeDinner in his "bear armour". Check out his "Trojan S Series" video.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Lord Mandrake on March 04, 2011, 07:37:36 PM
http://www.inventortroy.com/ (http://www.inventortroy.com/)

This guy was featured on In Bed With MeDinner in his "bear armour". Check out his "Trojan S Series" video.


lol, "Sniper's can be fuckers sometimes".

He wouldn't look out of place in fetish club in that Trojan get up.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: chocolateboy on March 09, 2011, 03:16:05 AM
(http://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb300/smallmanbighorse/castles.jpg)

That if it's real. And that if it's not.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: El Unicornio, mang on March 09, 2011, 10:35:59 PM
More for the mug shot really

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/03/09/david-davis-stabs-man-whi_n_833520.html (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/03/09/david-davis-stabs-man-whi_n_833520.html)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: El Unicornio, mang on March 14, 2011, 11:49:55 PM
I actually heard this ad on the radio recently and it made me think of something which would appear in a US-themed segment on TDT or Brass Eye

http://www.wftv.com/news/25775408/detail.html (http://www.wftv.com/news/25775408/detail.html)

Only in America!
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Blue Jam on March 29, 2011, 05:35:18 PM
This reminded me of the housing estate that shaped itself into a gun:

The Hitler house: Semi in Swansea looks eerily like Nazi dictator (complete with naff side parting) (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1371091/Hitler-house-Semi-Swansea-looks-eerily-like-Nazi-dictator.html)

(http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2011/03/29/article-1371091-0B62B82400000578-120_468x412.jpg)

Er... it just looks like a house to me. Only a Channel Fünf exec could possibly make that mistake.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: lazyhour on March 30, 2011, 05:24:34 PM
CLONED MEAT BETRAYAL

(http://news.sky.com/sky-news/content/StaticFile/jpg/2011/Mar/Week4/15962622.jpg)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: George Oscar Bluth II on March 30, 2011, 10:15:08 PM
Norwich puppet man shows “new lease of life” after death rumours
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: SetToStun on March 31, 2011, 09:58:10 AM
Is he the guy who pops up in Great Yarmouth as well? Old mini-boom-box, waves cloth "puppets" up and down with no regard to the beat of the music?
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: HAYRDRYAH on March 31, 2011, 05:32:12 PM
PM just did an 'audio metaphor' with a reporter walking around and around in the revolving door at the Audit Commission. Pure Austen Tasseltine
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: George Oscar Bluth II on March 31, 2011, 08:49:37 PM
Is he the guy who pops up in Great Yarmouth as well? Old mini-boom-box, waves cloth "puppets" up and down with no regard to the beat of the music?

Yes he is. And he's not dead.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: chocolateboy on March 31, 2011, 10:17:06 PM
I've just googled "Armacession". 0 hits. Modern Chris Morris dues-paying is rubbish.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Queneau on March 31, 2011, 10:30:42 PM
Yes he is. And he's not dead.

How does he survive? Is he government funded?
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Glebe on July 04, 2011, 10:32:47 PM
Tiny water bug with "singing penis" sets noise record. (http://www.globalpost.com/dispatches/globalpost-blogs/weird-wide-web/europe-science-news-water-bug-singing-penis)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Glebe on July 28, 2012, 06:35:53 PM
Double-decker bus does pushups for Olympics glory. (http://news.cnet.com/8301-17938_105-57479788-1/double-decker-bus-does-pushups-for-olympics-glory)

Pudsey in Hollywood movie talks. (http://www.rte.ie/ten/2012/0728/pudsey.html)

(Although sadly its not the one-eyed Children In Need bear.)

Madagascar Director Tom McGrath Tapped To Helm Ben Stiller's RentaGhost. (http://www.cinemablend.com/new/Madagascar-Director-Tom-McGrath-Tapped-Helm-Ben-Stiller-RentaGhost-32166.html)

Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: hummingofevil on July 29, 2012, 12:17:50 AM
On the front of one of those mental women's mags.

"Wind of doom; my farty bum was cancer!"

Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Jerzy Bondov on July 29, 2012, 08:10:54 PM
On the front of one of those mental women's mags.

"Wind of doom; my farty bum was cancer!"
Ah yes, the current issue of Chat if I'm not mistaken. I was reading it in the chinese takeaway the other night, it's absolutely amazing. Another headline from the same cover:

"My bangers went bang!"

There's also a page where you can touch a photograph of a key and it'll give you good luck. To prove it, they tell you somebody who touched it in a previous issue went to a haunted house and saw a ghost! What luck.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: castro diaz on July 30, 2012, 03:28:07 PM
The first and last time I read the South Wales Echo.  What a scoop!

(http://img862.imageshack.us/img862/6201/cardifftheives.jpg)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: QDRPHNC on July 30, 2012, 08:35:30 PM
From the Daily Mail:

"Man who pretended to be blind to get sympathy and carers found dead in a ditch."

A tragic tale I'm sure, but it's the bluntless of the headline that appeals to me.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: BlodwynPig on July 30, 2012, 08:53:32 PM
From the Daily Mail:

"Man who pretended to be blind to get sympathy and carers found dead in a ditch."

A tragic tale I'm sure, but it's the bluntless of the headline that appeals to me.

Incredible. This is wonderful, what happened?
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: QDRPHNC on July 30, 2012, 09:22:59 PM
Incredible. This is wonderful, what happened?

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2180002/Man-pretended-blind-sympathy-carers-dead-ditch.html
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: DrGreggles on July 30, 2012, 09:43:29 PM
It appears that whoever chose that photo was actually blind.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: BlodwynPig on July 30, 2012, 10:07:28 PM
Quote
But the inquest was told he could see perfectly well and if someone dropped money on a pavement he would be the first to pick it up.

A common occurrence.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: sirhenry on July 31, 2012, 05:06:00 PM
BBC News website continue with their misleading headlines:
(http://www.51055.com/cab/deadonbail.jpg)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Replies From View on July 31, 2012, 08:18:58 PM
On the front of one of those mental women's mags.

"Wind of doom; my farty bum was cancer!"

(http://goodtoknow.media.ipcdigital.co.uk/111%7C00000ad3a%7Cd60a_orh300w235_CHAT-31-2012.jpg)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Glebe on August 04, 2012, 06:58:49 PM
Teddy bears defeat Belarus generals. (http://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/europe/teddy-bears-defeat-belarus-generals-8001362.html)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: sirhenry on August 04, 2012, 07:42:16 PM
The BBC were at it again today with Man killed after glider crash. First he crashes his glider, then some fruitbasket killed him. It wasn't his day. Or the truth.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Hymenoptera on August 04, 2012, 09:09:23 PM
A couple from the BT Yahoo homepage:

Birds' Heads Torn off in Zoo Rampage
Well Done... Now Are You On Drugs?

Just saw this an' all: "What if Michael Phelps Were a Country?"
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Slaaaaabs on August 09, 2012, 03:03:27 PM
Madonna Appeal Over Pussy Riot (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-19175307)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Jemble Fred on August 09, 2012, 03:04:15 PM
Madonna Appeal Over Pussy Riot (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-19175307)

I did note Elton John calling her a 'fairground stripper' the other day... what kind of fucking fairgrounds has he been going to? Hook the duck yes, strippers, no.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Mr Eggs on August 09, 2012, 03:47:19 PM
(http://goodtoknow.media.ipcdigital.co.uk/111%7C00000ad3a%7Cd60a_orh300w235_CHAT-31-2012.jpg)

CHAT magazine has a companion publication that is far more focused on providing factual journalism

(http://www.pdfmagazines.org/uploads/posts/2012-08/1344078083_1.jpg)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Jerzy Bondov on August 09, 2012, 04:22:15 PM
Right that's brilliant, I'm going to go and buy it because it looks amazing. Sincere thanks
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: mrfridge on August 09, 2012, 04:46:30 PM
CHAT magazine has a companion publication that is far more focused on providing factual journalism

(http://www.pdfmagazines.org/uploads/posts/2012-08/1344078083_1.jpg)

Jesus Christ, how are these magazines successful? It genuinely boggles the mind that this shit gets read. I mean I understand that people leading god awful lives need to feel better about themselves by reading how even more tragic other people's existences are but it's a sad state of affairs when a front cover splash consists of a paedo's list of conquests.

"Oooh Kelly, look, let's see what the nonce did, quick before Kenny gets back and punches me in the face". Fucks sake.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Dark Sky on August 09, 2012, 08:48:28 PM
I understand that people leading god awful lives need to feel better about themselves by reading how even more tragic other people's existences are

I dunno, the farty bum cancer woman looks jolly happy to me
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Replies From View on August 09, 2012, 11:10:30 PM
CHAT magazine has a companion publication that is far more focused on providing factual journalism

(http://www.pdfmagazines.org/uploads/posts/2012-08/1344078083_1.jpg)

Because of the farty bum cancer one from earlier, I read one of the ones on that cover as "I was farted to get cancer".
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Jerzy Bondov on August 10, 2012, 01:01:27 PM
They don't have Chat It's Fate in Waitrose, just normal Chat. I'll have a look in Tesco tomorrow if that's alright with you lot.

I saw normal Chat and said to my girlfriend 'ha ha look at this magazine, it's mental'. We could only see the headline 'You've GOAT to be kidding' with a picture of a goat, which we enjoyed, but then I pulled the magazine down, still laughing, and the main headline this month is RAPED AS MUM SLEPT. Made me look like a right nutter.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: BlodwynPig on August 14, 2012, 08:44:37 PM
(https://fbcdn-sphotos-f-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/s480x480/420020_489705207726295_858842160_n.jpg)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: gmoney on August 14, 2012, 09:06:16 PM
Nanny state.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: BlodwynPig on August 14, 2012, 09:21:34 PM
Caught on camera

(http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/4/4c/Goat_in_a_car.jpg)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Replies From View on August 14, 2012, 09:31:38 PM
Goats have human children's teeth.  I have always taken this to be due to theft of some kind and you have merely confirmed it.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: BlodwynPig on August 14, 2012, 09:43:45 PM
A goat once stole my map and ate it. More proof.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: momatt on August 16, 2012, 06:16:18 PM
Norwegian driver hits bear after trying to avoid moose

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-19288749
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: BlodwynPig on August 16, 2012, 07:58:45 PM
(http://news.bbcimg.co.uk/media/images/55239000/jpg/_55239942_drunkenmoose.jpg)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Natnar on August 17, 2012, 02:23:14 PM
http://www.dailycamera.com/state-west-news/ci_21124974/goat-man-spotted-mountains-northern-utah

Quote
SALT LAKE CITY -- A man spotted dressed in a goat suit among a herd of wild goats in the mountains of northern Utah has wildlife officials worried he could be in danger as hunting season approaches.

(http://cdn.newsday.com/polopoly_fs/1.3851220.1342829796!/httpImage/image.JPG_gen/derivatives/display_600/image.JPG)

Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: BlodwynPig on August 17, 2012, 02:23:59 PM
Where is Biggy?
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Glebe on August 25, 2012, 05:27:29 PM
"Operation Frozen Dumbo" gets elephant Tonga pregnant. (http://www.reuters.com/article/2012/08/14/us-austria-elephant-baby-idUSBRE87D0Q520120814)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Hank Venture on August 29, 2012, 11:48:58 PM
(http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-aEr0d4pOUxs/UAmWlQvYMeI/AAAAAAAACSg/BqJ13B6uksw/s1600/breitbart.jpg)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: QDRPHNC on August 31, 2012, 12:57:09 PM
Hah, reminds me of this Elvis headline from the Onion.

(http://o.onionstatic.com/images/8/8739/original/445.jpg?4062/)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Thomas on September 01, 2012, 12:09:09 PM
From the Metro yesterday:

Young people 'not very bright in sun',
Tell-tale signs your child's a psychopath ,
and Teenager sleeps in garden for a year for charity.


Now over to Alan, with the sport.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Glebe on September 02, 2012, 06:53:38 PM
Sky News are on a role at the moment:

Whale-Eating Seagulls To Be Shot By Police.

Was Essex 'Lion' A Pet Cat Called Teddy Bear?

Bear-ly Believable: Video Of Swimming Koala.

Runaway Dog Lets Train Take The Strain.

Cameron Vows To 'Cut Through Dither'.

Woman Arrested Four Times For Playing AC/DC.


...And here is said woman, looking surprised with hair up and sad with hair down:

(http://i1265.photobucket.com/albums/jj506/Chuckopixs/8603949-1-1-522x293.jpg)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Gulftastic on September 03, 2012, 08:03:40 PM
Sadly, he didn't have to eat his own foot. (http://www.portsmouth.co.uk/news/local/emsworth-boy-was-stuck-in-bedroom-1-4218961)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: mycroft on September 05, 2012, 08:29:03 PM
This was on the front of today's Irish Metro...

(http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y4/dr-talbot/headline.jpg)

It was going to be the title of my debut album, as well...
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Slaaaaabs on September 06, 2012, 12:48:45 PM
(http://i.imgur.com/No9EF.jpg)

That car had a family damnit!
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Glebe on September 13, 2012, 10:19:30 PM
Cheeky Monkey 'Found In Smuggler's Trousers' (Sky News).
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: jenna appleseed on September 15, 2012, 04:58:49 AM
have we had "Parents' fury after Bobby Davro simulates sex with giant kangaroo during children's panto" (Mail Online)?

crap photos (http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2011/04/17/article-1377758-0BAA0CE000000578-700_468x416.jpg)

http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2011/04/17/article-1377758-0BAA0CF600000578-523_468x372.jpg

http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2011/04/17/article-1377758-0BAA0CFE00000578-281_468x367.jpg
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Glebe on September 15, 2012, 05:11:30 PM
(http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2011/04/17/article-1377758-0BAA0CE000000578-700_468x416.jpg)

Heh heh... one for Up The Arse Corner, surely!
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Thomas on September 21, 2012, 11:27:04 AM
Dog Shoots Man

http://news.uk.msn.com//blog/trending-blogpost.aspx?post=733b4cd4-2eab-4d3b-a743-d7e0d2807dd9&_nwpt=1
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Clatty McCutcheon on September 21, 2012, 11:36:42 AM
Dog Shoots Man

http://news.uk.msn.com//blog/trending-blogpost.aspx?post=733b4cd4-2eab-4d3b-a743-d7e0d2807dd9&_nwpt=1

Also from the same page 'Old man dances at rave with Zimmer frame'

http://news.uk.msn.com//blog/trending-blogpost.aspx?post=ec2b6fcc-171e-4968-9329-e00026e38887
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: BlodwynPig on September 21, 2012, 12:14:23 PM
Also from the same page 'Old man dances at rave with Zimmer frame'

http://news.uk.msn.com//blog/trending-blogpost.aspx?post=ec2b6fcc-171e-4968-9329-e00026e38887

i have to say that is the shittest thing I have seen on here for a long time.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: icehaven on September 21, 2012, 07:51:20 PM
''Bristol gets it's Own Currency.'' I really did think this was a joke.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Glebe on September 22, 2012, 10:26:12 PM
''Bristol gets it's Own Currency.'' I really did think this was a joke.

*splutter* You mean it's not?
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: NoSleep on September 23, 2012, 09:42:52 AM
http://www.itv.com/news/update/2012-09-19/bristol-gets-its-own-currency/
(https://dl.dropbox.com/u/318457/pics/bristol.jpeg)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Glebe on September 24, 2012, 06:03:11 PM
Are you sure its not 'Bristol gets it's own currants, see?'

(http://i1265.photobucket.com/albums/jj506/Chuckopixs/bristolcurrants_zps5becd435.jpg)

I am very sorry.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: biggytitbo on September 25, 2012, 06:32:59 PM
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/A3n7ehGCUAAkErT.jpg:large)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Johnny Textface on September 25, 2012, 10:08:36 PM
Busted trying to sneak into Spain disguised as CAR SEAT


(http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2012/09/25/article-2208201-15305BDE000005DC-265_636x428.jpg)

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2208201/Illegal-immigrant-tries-sneak-Spain-disguised-CAR-SEAT.html
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: sirhenry on September 27, 2012, 06:11:01 PM
Nazi Buddha originally from space
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/science-environment-19735959 (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/science-environment-19735959)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: BlodwynPig on September 27, 2012, 10:15:42 PM
Just reading up on meteorites and there is a term "meteorwrongs" for objects falsely identified as being from outer space.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: WesterlyWinds on October 02, 2012, 03:06:43 PM
Head in bin man 'had lost hat' (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-north-east-orkney-shetland-19790191)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: QDRPHNC on October 02, 2012, 07:52:53 PM
OK, I think I've calmed down enough to post this now. The combination of the story itself, the photograph of the two men looking sad, and a couple of the nastier comments (speficially, DB from Norfolk), had me choking with laughter.

"Diners branded 'pigs' by owner of Mongolian all-you-can-eat restaurant and banned for life 'because other diners didn't get a look-in'"

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2211766/Hungry-diners-given-life-ban-eat-restaurant-dont-look-in.html (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2211766/Hungry-diners-given-life-ban-eat-restaurant-dont-look-in.html)

I don't know.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: biggytitbo on October 02, 2012, 08:03:37 PM
OK, I think I've calmed down enough to post this now. The combination of the story itself, the photograph of the two men looking sad, and a couple of the nastier comments (speficially, DB from Norfolk), had me choking with laughter.

"Diners branded 'pigs' by owner of Mongolian all-you-can-eat restaurant and banned for life 'because other diners didn't get a look-in'"

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2211766/Hungry-diners-given-life-ban-eat-restaurant-dont-look-in.html (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2211766/Hungry-diners-given-life-ban-eat-restaurant-dont-look-in.html)

I don't know.
I feel very sorry for the man on the left. His face is far too small for his head and no amount of pig outs at Chinese resteraunts will cure that.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: biggytitbo on October 02, 2012, 08:06:43 PM
Man eaten by own pigs.

http://www.independent.ie/breaking-news/world-news/farmer-is-eaten-by-his-own-pigs-3248107.html

The piggy featured looks like he wouldnt eat a fly.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: BlodwynPig on October 02, 2012, 08:12:09 PM
Man eaten by own pigs.

http://www.independent.ie/breaking-news/world-news/farmer-is-eaten-by-his-own-pigs-3248107.html

The piggy featured looks like he wouldnt eat a fly.


There is a whole thread on this for your delectation, Biggy
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: QDRPHNC on October 02, 2012, 08:12:34 PM
I found this comment from one of the diners, the man on the right, on a local newspaper site (The Argus? Never heard of it). Now I don't know what to think:

Hello there , I'm George, one of the guys what got told never to come back to the eat as much as you
 like at gobe in brighton! Last week!.. now I have been looking at some of the comments and some of you just don't get it at all!, it's not about being greedy at all and we was not, the bows are very small so u can only get just a mouth full into them any way!, the point is it says eat as much as u like, me and my friend like to try things on the menu as it says you can make up any thing you wish to try, so like lots of others that's what we do!. We are not pigs at all and we was not trying to eat every thing! On the menu ,and we have payed a tip b4 , it's just a few times we have been in there one of the bosses was very rude and took such a long time getting are drinks and did not even say hello to us so why should we leve a tip for a rude **** bag like that!, and then to come over and call us pigs and say never come back agen but making sure he said it after we payed the bill!. No one should be treated in that way at all we have been going there for some time paying for what we have had, and then he treats us like **** its not on! To make ppl feel like that,
thay have been greedy pigs. and  We did not do any thing wrong!....so thats why we called the argous so every one know's what a rude man he is and how he treats paying customers!!.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: momatt on October 03, 2012, 08:47:25 AM
I feel very sorry for the man on the left. His face is far too small for his head and no amount of pig outs at Chinese resteraunts will cure that.

That's what I thought.  They're both very Dick Tracy, scarily so.

Telegraph link if you hate the Daily Heil:

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/foodanddrink/restaurants/9581559/Pair-banned-from-all-you-can-eat-restaurant-for-eating-too-much.html

(http://i.telegraph.co.uk/multimedia/archive/02357/eat_2357563b.jpg)

(http://tonymooreillustration.com/v-web/gallery/albums/sketchbook/dicktracy2.jpg)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Thomas on October 05, 2012, 11:04:47 AM
From BBC News:

'Killer put porn on vicar's body.'

Grim indeed, and very sad, but definitely Day Today-esque.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Subtle Mocking on October 08, 2012, 08:56:02 PM
Bedford Couple Unwittingly Grow Cannabis
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-beds-bucks-herts-19868327
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Danger Man on October 10, 2012, 05:16:51 PM
Sarah Brightman to travel to space station

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/science-environment-19901386
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: sirhenry on October 10, 2012, 10:41:10 PM
Sorry, but this one from the BBC news site has to go in here:

Why do we behave so oddly in lifts?


You know why...
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Absorb the anus burn on October 12, 2012, 04:05:49 PM
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-essex-19921055 (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-essex-19921055)

Couple virtually destroy house trying to locate a beeping noise that turns out to be an old smoke alarm in a drawer.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: BlodwynPig on October 12, 2012, 04:09:14 PM
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-essex-19921055 (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-essex-19921055)

Couple virtually destroy house trying to locate a beeping noise that turns out to be an old smoke alarm in a drawer.

Duh Duh Duh de Duh de Duh. "Larry!!!"
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Butchers Blind on October 24, 2012, 10:52:54 AM
Face of Jesus appears in mould behind Herne Bay fridge (http://www.kentonline.co.uk/kentonline/news/2012/october/19/jesus_mould.aspx)

Quote
"I took a picture on my mobile and then wiped it off - it might look like Jesus but I've got three kids and can't be doing with mould in my house."
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Jerzy Bondov on October 24, 2012, 10:55:41 AM
I'm staring at that thing and I can't see Jesus or anything. Is it like a Magic Eye or what?

My knee looks more like Jesus than that does.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: BlodwynPig on October 24, 2012, 11:14:51 AM
Did Jesus really look like that? It looks more like Chris Bonnington.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: daffs on October 24, 2012, 11:29:07 AM
http://www.thetelegraphandargus.co.uk/news/local/localbrad/10000216.Bradford_woman_raised_by_monkeys_to_tell_story/

where now?

edit: thought I'd been sent it by a friend, seems I've just ripped it off from here: http://www.cookdandbombd.co.uk/forums/index.php?topic=33559.msg1753331#new
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: DuncanC on October 26, 2012, 12:09:46 AM
Truncated Guardian headlines, off of Guardian Truncation Team (http://guardiantruncationteam.tumblr.com/):

(http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lx9xiyyQ1O1r5i6evo1_400.png)

(http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mbzufhDVDj1r5i6evo1_500.jpg)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: thisaintnopicnic on October 29, 2012, 11:24:47 PM
My favourite local news story of the year so far:

'Bomb-maker Paul Smith was more of a danger to himself than anyone else' (http://www.thisishullandeastriding.co.uk/Bomb-maker-Paul-Smith-danger/story-16827714-detail/story.html)

Quote
Unemployed electrician Paul Smith, 40, made deadly pipe bombs in his workshop.

...

Det Sgt Watts said: “In truth, Mr Smith was probably more of a danger to himself than anyone else.

“It was clear he and his family thought nothing of his bomb-making hobby. He was even given a cake in the shape of a bomb.

“In interview, Mr Smith did not appear to think he had done anything wrong. He told us, ‘Some people collect stamps. I make bombs’.”

...

He also pleaded guilty to possession of amphetamines, a class B drug, which he injected.

...

The Mail visited Smith’s home for comment, but his father said to our reporter: “Will you explain to me how this is in the public interest?”

Follow the link to see a picture of the bomb cake. Incredible.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Glebe on October 30, 2012, 05:14:21 PM
More from Sky News:

Mystery Monkey Captured After Years On The Run. (http://news.sky.com/story/1002349/mystery-monkey-captured-after-years-on-the-run)

Wild Boar Sparks Terror In Chinese Office. (http://news.sky.com/story/1003823/wild-boar-sparks-terror-in-chinese-office)

Moo-bile Phone: Apple Gadget Lost Inside A Cow. (http://news.sky.com/story/1002457/moo-bile-phone-apple-gadget-lost-inside-a-cow)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: jenna appleseed on October 31, 2012, 02:38:17 PM
Gang Attacks Boy With Silly String In Attempt To Steal His Pet Owl (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/10/26/silly-string-attack-pet-owl_n_2024099.html).
Love the unrelated disapproving owl photo - in case anyone reading doesn't know what an owl looks like.
(http://i.huffpost.com/gen/834873/thumbs/s-SILLY-STRING-ATTACK-OWL-large.jpg?4)
Disapproving owl is not impressed by this article.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Treguard of Dunshelm on November 01, 2012, 10:14:54 AM
Gene Hackman slaps homeless man in self-defence (http://uk.news.yahoo.com/hackman-slaps-homeless-man-self-defence-095028431.html)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: sirhenry on November 01, 2012, 10:24:35 AM
Lance Armstrong Effigy To Burn On Bonfire (http://uk.news.yahoo.com/shamed-lance-armstrong-flames-023754914.html)

Not so much the headline, but the first paragraph is priceless:
Quote
A 30ft effigy of disgraced cyclist Lance Armstrong wearing a Jim'll Fix It badge will be burned Edenbridge's annual bonfire celebrations this weekend.
and
Quote
Other well-known figures who have had the dubious honour of being the celebrity guy at Edenbridge's celebrations in past years include Cherie Blair, Katie Price, Gordon Brown and Russell Brand.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Treguard of Dunshelm on November 01, 2012, 10:47:03 AM
Hedgehog trapped in crisp packet in Weston-super-Mare (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-somerset-20151566)

Quote
A baby hedgehog which found itself stuck in a crisp packet has been released after a three-and-a-half hour rescue involving six people.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Queneau on November 01, 2012, 11:13:50 AM
Quote
A baby hedgehog which found itself stuck in a crisp packet has been released after a three-and-a-half hour rescue involving six people.

One of them must have been a professional.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Lyndon on November 01, 2012, 11:22:54 AM
My favourite local news story of the year so far:

'Bomb-maker Paul Smith was more of a danger to himself than anyone else' (http://www.thisishullandeastriding.co.uk/Bomb-maker-Paul-Smith-danger/story-16827714-detail/story.html)

Follow the link to see a picture of the bomb cake. Incredible.

Great story. I used to run past that street too. THIS IS WHY I LOVE HULL, WE HAVE SUCH KERAZY CHARACTERS, ONLY IN HULL!!!!
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: sirhenry on November 01, 2012, 04:17:30 PM
Trick-or-treat children given cocaine in Oldham (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-20172392)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Glebe on November 01, 2012, 07:28:58 PM
Gene Hackman slaps homeless man in self-defence (http://uk.news.yahoo.com/hackman-slaps-homeless-man-self-defence-095028431.html)

"Were you picking your feet in Poughkeepsie?"

Hedgehog trapped in crisp packet in Weston-super-Mare (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-somerset-20151566)

That's the most wonderfully cute and silly thing ever!
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Hank Venture on November 06, 2012, 12:32:55 AM
Alton attorney accidentally sues himself
http://madisonrecord.com/issues/332-class-action/148217-alton-attorney-accidentally-sues-himself
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Jerzy Bondov on November 06, 2012, 12:57:46 PM
Naked man throws rocks at swans in Plymouth as temperature drops to freezing
http://www.thisisplymouth.co.uk/Naked-man-throws-rocks-swans-Plymouth-temperature/story-17246106-detail/story.html
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: thisaintnopicnic on November 15, 2012, 08:57:41 PM
"Judge calls trolleys dangerous after woman shatters her arms looking for pork pie"

http://www.thisisplymouth.co.uk/Judge-calls-trolleys-dangerous-woman-shatters/story-17326597-detail/story.html (http://www.thisisplymouth.co.uk/Judge-calls-trolleys-dangerous-woman-shatters/story-17326597-detail/story.html)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Jerzy Bondov on November 15, 2012, 09:02:52 PM
Yep, that certainly is Plymouth.

[spoiler]It's actually Tavistock if you read the story. I used to go in that Morrison's all the time! Luckily for me I never had a pound coin to release a trolley. Reading on further, it's not that kind of trolley. It's a shelf stacking one. So I can just fuck off, can't I?[/spoiler]
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Jerzy Bondov on November 15, 2012, 09:09:35 PM
"Drunken Plymouth vandals hurled concrete through skylights"

http://www.thisisplymouth.co.uk/Drunken-Plymouth-vandals-hurled-concrete/story-17326117-detail/story.html (http://www.thisisplymouth.co.uk/Drunken-Plymouth-vandals-hurled-concrete/story-17326117-detail/story.html)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: BlodwynPig on November 15, 2012, 09:38:53 PM
"Drunken Plymouth vandals hurled concrete through skylights"

http://www.thisisplymouth.co.uk/Drunken-Plymouth-vandals-hurled-concrete/story-17326117-detail/story.html (http://www.thisisplymouth.co.uk/Drunken-Plymouth-vandals-hurled-concrete/story-17326117-detail/story.html)

Rueben Bates and Galvestan Lathan, you say? Those odd Devonians.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Petey Pate on November 16, 2012, 01:00:07 PM
Man to stand trial for 'trying to feed sausage rolls to police horses'

http://local.stv.tv/glasgow/200797-man-stands-trial-for-trying-to-feed-sausage-rolls-to-police-horses/
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: BlodwynPig on November 16, 2012, 02:30:14 PM
Jeff Goldblum found inside antique cabinet outside Nantwich

Quote
The star of The Tall Guy and The Fly was shaken and confused but unharmed. The actor says he has no idea how he ended up in Nantwich, let alone the cabinet. Auctioneers believe the incident may have increased the starting price for the 16th century piece ten-fold.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: turnstyle on December 10, 2012, 01:02:28 PM
Monkey in sheepskin jacket on the loose at Ikea in Toronto

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-20667481
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: BlodwynPig on December 10, 2012, 01:03:25 PM
Monkey in sheepskin jacket on the loose at Ikea in Toronto

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-20667481

Discuss this in detail over in the Biggy's Canadian adventure thread.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Jumble Cashback on December 10, 2012, 02:28:30 PM
BBC website today:

GRAIL MISSION SHOWS BATTERED MOON

Again, it's the non-sequiturs that please me the most.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Glebe on December 10, 2012, 04:27:39 PM
Ikea Monkey: Macaque In Coat Seen In Toronto. (http://news.sky.com/story/1023214/ikea-monkey-macaque-in-coat-seen-in-toronto)

Its getting to the stage where you really don't have to make things up.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: BlodwynPig on December 10, 2012, 04:30:18 PM
Gibbon in Bomber jacket seen harassing nightclub attendees
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: sirhenry on January 01, 2013, 11:16:21 AM
Oompa Loompas sought by police over Norwich assault

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-norfolk-20873831 (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-norfolk-20873831)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Head Gardener on January 13, 2013, 03:51:48 PM
Sydney, yesterday

(http://sphotos-a.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-prn1/14778_10151626586357729_1599530686_n.jpg)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: jenna appleseed on January 13, 2013, 05:11:20 PM
"  'Bono's eyesight is deteriorating,' says John Lennon's son"
http://www.nme.com/news/bono/68023

(There's a moment in the With Or Without You video where Bono suddenally turns into day today Chris Morris  - I think it's the hideous slicked back hair + the face he pulls that does it. Him & the Edge keep turning into their Harry and Paul parody during the rest of the video.)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: jenna appleseed on January 13, 2013, 05:17:23 PM
yesterday's front page of the Daily Mirror

(http://images.frontpagestoday.co.uk/frontpages/archive/Daily_Mirror_12_1_2013.jpg)

can't find a large pic of the full page but this was the genuine, instore cover yesterday - it's like a Brass Eye hoax/photoshop fuckery gone far too far 

(http://sphotos-b.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-snc7/c0.0.403.403/p403x403/422258_10151341242944162_264468211_n.jpg)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Thomas on January 14, 2013, 12:57:22 PM
Puppy thrown at German biker gang (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/10333211)

Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: BlodwynPig on January 14, 2013, 01:01:50 PM
Puppy thrown at German biker gang (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/10333211)

This is 2 and bit years old - I don't know why it popped up on BBC most read today...
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Thomas on January 14, 2013, 01:03:25 PM
That's strange. Maybe it should be amended to 'Puppy thrown at German biker gang two-and-a-bit years ago'. That would be Day Today-esque.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: BlodwynPig on January 14, 2013, 01:03:58 PM
That's strange. Maybe it should be amended to 'Puppy thrown at German biker gang two-and-a-bit years ago'. That would be Day Today-esque.

i've fallen into this trap a few times - bloody BBC on slow news days.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: George Oscar Bluth II on January 14, 2013, 01:09:23 PM
(http://i.imgur.com/9Mudd.jpg)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Kane Jones on January 14, 2013, 01:17:22 PM
I read that as 'Cannabis' and now I'm trying to figure out which would be worse.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Petey Pate on January 20, 2013, 04:19:13 PM
CBeebies apologises for Tweenies Jimmy Savile spoof

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-21108337
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: SteveDave on January 31, 2013, 01:43:07 PM
"Rare whale vomit found on beach"

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-lancashire-21267404
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Thomas on February 04, 2013, 05:34:33 PM
The caption and the tourist quote made me laugh in the shop this morning:[nb]Yeah, the shop, not a shop.[/nb]

(http://media.tumblr.com/dfdc8a44579a24aa3ffafed4a5da4389/tumblr_inline_mhpi32dJjK1qz4rgp.jpg)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: SteveDave on February 11, 2013, 11:27:11 AM
World's longest cat dies in US

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-21346868
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: BlodwynPig on February 11, 2013, 12:32:07 PM
World's longest cat dies in US

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-21346868

big racist
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: SteveDave on February 11, 2013, 01:42:17 PM
Samuel Mullet and Amish beard-cutters jailed in Ohio

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-21389094
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Butchers Blind on February 14, 2013, 04:29:39 PM
Chubby Checker sues Hewlett-Packard over app to measure penis size (http://www.guardian.co.uk/music/2013/feb/14/chubby-checker-sues-hewlett-packard?CMP=twt_gu)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Benway on February 21, 2013, 07:05:30 PM
Perhaps less The Day Today and more Blue Jam:

Man tried making love to an ambulance in Barnstaple bus station (http://m.thisisnorthdevon.co.uk/story.html?aid=18137026&category=news)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Head Gardener on February 22, 2013, 10:41:09 AM
(http://i4.ytimg.com/i/kC7xap72YawL8E04ZLdQcA/1.jpg)

R.I.P. Cap'n Pool Plunge (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HvftCxoLLYw)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Thomas on March 01, 2013, 10:05:30 PM
BigDog robot throws breeze blocks  (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/technology-21632849)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Mister Six on March 04, 2013, 03:26:02 PM
Is that just a viral promo for Half Life 2 episode three?
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Head Gardener on March 04, 2013, 04:47:16 PM
Is that just a viral promo for Half Life 2 episode three?

I wish it was...
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Notlob on March 04, 2013, 05:41:33 PM
We chose to ignore the prophesies...

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2287882/Mother-twos-static-caravan-smashed-shard-frozen-human-waste-dropped-passenger-jet.html
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Thomas on March 04, 2013, 10:40:45 PM
Morrissey blames Beyonce for extinction of the rhino (http://www.gigwise.com/news/79953/watch-morrissey-blames-beyonce-for-the-extinction-of-the-rhino)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: SteveDave on March 19, 2013, 09:10:11 AM
Is it possible to accidentally do a Nazi salute?

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-21829682
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Glebe on March 22, 2013, 10:06:53 PM
Adams distances himself from 'Slab'. (http://www.thesundaytimes.co.uk/sto/news/ireland/article1231193.ec)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: BlodwynPig on March 22, 2013, 10:34:16 PM
Is it possible to accidentally do a Nazi salute?

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-21829682

(http://static.guim.co.uk/sys-images/Guardian/Pix/audio/video/2012/6/1/1338548460456/Alan-Partridge-shows-us-r-011.jpg)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Thomas on March 26, 2013, 06:28:56 PM
It's not as bizarre as we've had, but I did read it in Chris Morris' voice -

BBC News - Google 'forces' Swedish word removal
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: jenna appleseed on March 27, 2013, 07:16:54 PM
from France 24

STOP PHOTOSHOPPING OFFICIALS INTO PORN, AUTHORITIES ASK BLACKMAILERS
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Pepotamo1985 on April 04, 2013, 01:43:19 PM
http://metro.co.uk/2013/04/04/jeremy-irons-gay-marriage-could-lead-to-fathers-marrying-sons-to-avoid-tax-3582791/

Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: checkoutgirl on April 04, 2013, 01:47:38 PM
Is it possible to accidentally do a Nazi salute?

(http://www.bbc.co.uk/manchester/content/images/2008/02/08/nazi_salute_203_203x152.jpg)

Dunno.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Glebe on April 04, 2013, 04:18:43 PM
Justin Bieber's Monkey Quarantined in Germany. (http://www.peoplepets.com/people/pets/article/0,,20686970,00.html)

...Apologies if this is old news. Wouldn't be surprised if it has it's own thread by now.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: jenna appleseed on April 04, 2013, 08:51:06 PM
Cross dressing Catholic priest and adult store owner to plead guilty to meth dealing ring (http://www.irishcentral.com/news/Cross-dressing-Catholic-priest-and-adult-store-owner-to-plead-guilty-to-meth-dealing-ring-200488521.html?mob-ua=Y)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Thomas on April 12, 2013, 12:00:56 AM
(http://liberalconspiracy.org/images/media/dailymail_teacher.gif)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Morrison Lard on April 12, 2013, 01:26:02 PM
Could an asbestos-coated tarantula be on the loose in Cardiff?  (http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/arachnophobes-look-away-now-could-an-asbestoscoated-tarantula-be-on-the-loose-in-cardiff-8544532.html)

Bristol man banned for driving "under influence of drum and bass" (http://www.thisisbristol.co.uk/Bristol-man-banned-driving-influence-drum-bass/story-18605524-detail/story.html#axzz2QFcgR8Nh)

Sorcery crackdown: Chechnya leader orders hard line on wizards (http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/europe/russia/9862776/Sorcery-crackdown-Chechnya-leader-orders-hard-line-on-wizards.html)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Johnny Yesno on April 13, 2013, 02:09:21 AM
Is it possible to accidentally do a Nazi salute?

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-21829682

Easily done, depending on the angle:

(https://images1-focus-opensocial.googleusercontent.com/gadgets/proxy?url=http://i2.ytimg.com/vi/9x70bndpc70/hqdefault.jpg&container=focus&gadget=a&rewriteMime=image/*&refresh=31536000&resize_w=497) >>> (http://beestonia.files.wordpress.com/2010/07/are_you_right_there_father_ted.jpg)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Jemble Fred on April 13, 2013, 10:25:29 AM
Okay everyone, left feet out, if we can get a bit of purchase I'm sure we can stop the world together...

(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/BHriLjtCQAA4QFg.jpg:large)

[nb]Also:

(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/BHuBkA_CMAICDct.jpg:large)[/nb]
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Thomas on April 18, 2013, 07:24:46 PM
'I was stupid', says horse punch man (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-tees-22188333)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: The Beached Torpedoes on April 18, 2013, 08:02:43 PM
Jeep smashed again hours after fat ninja called a 'Space Hopper' (http://www.thisissomerset.co.uk/Jeep-smashed-hours-fat-ninja-called-Space-Hopper/story-18719310-detail/story.html#axzz2QqCeGkI3)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Morrison Lard on April 19, 2013, 03:43:43 PM
Buzz Lightyear and friends sentenced for Saffron Walden brawl (http://www.cambridge-news.co.uk/News/Toy-Story-costumed-thug-and-friends-sentenced-for-Saffron-Walden-brawl-20130419113111.htm)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Deanjam on April 19, 2013, 04:32:13 PM
This is an old one, so apologies if it's been shown before, but it makes me laugh:

(http://cdn0.lostateminor.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/03/funny-newspaper-headline.jpg)

also:

(http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m4sndpxKPQ1qasthro1_1280.jpg)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Pepotamo1985 on April 20, 2013, 11:30:55 PM
http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2013/apr/20/played-tag-23-years-experience

Possibly the best thing I'm going to find all year.

"Experience: I've played a game of tag for 23 years

Now we are grown men, we don't run like Usain Bolt, so subterfuge and collusion have become our weapons. Eleven months of the year are spent planning. Collaborating with a friend is where the fun is – we can spend hours discussing approaches.

I was tagged spectacularly a few years back when a friend popped round to show me his new car. As I approached it, Sean sprang out of the boot where he'd been hiding and tagged me. He'd flown 800 miles from Seattle to San Francisco just to stop being "it" – to shrug off the "mantle of shame", as we call it. My wife was so startled she fell and injured her knee, but she wasn't angry; she was pleased to see Sean. All our partners are good-natured about the game – they even get involved in the sting operations.

Some things we did early on we wouldn't do now – like when Mike sneaked into Brian's house at night, crept into the bedroom and woke him up to tag him, surprising the life out of him and his girlfriend.

Perhaps one of the most unexpected tags was during Mike's father's funeral. During the service, he felt a hand on his shoulder and turned to find Joe mouthing, "You're it." Afterwards, he said his father would have approved, because he found our game hilarious.


When the month arrives, you feel as edgy as a deer in hunting season, locking doors and checking under cars to avoid being caught. When a friend stops answering his phone, you know he's up to something – and your days are numbered. Patrick, who does everything he can to avoid being caught, sometimes spends February in Hawaii. When he learned that he was likely to be tagged as he arrived at the airport, he hired a man to hold up a card with his name on it in arrivals, so one of us would wait near it. Then he slipped out of another exit.

As well as nerve-racking, it's hugely enjoyable, and I love the ingenuity involved. When the game had a lull a few years back, my daughter persuaded me to reactivate it; we disguised ourselves as an elderly couple and surprised Joe in a restaurant. His double take was classic.

Sometimes the strategies don't come to fruition. Mike once flew to Boston and staked out Chris's place, hiding in bushes and searching in bars, only to discover after two days that he was away for the weekend."
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Morrison Lard on April 29, 2013, 05:55:18 PM
"Banana to be sentenced for benefit fraud"

http://www.belfasttelegraph.co.uk/news/local-national/uk/banana-to-be-sentenced-for-benefit-fraud-29228165.html

Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Glebe on April 30, 2013, 10:23:11 PM
The Sun headline about 'The Rude Planet' (just glanced it in a shop, cannae remember it exactly) RE: the Nasa penis incident was pure Morris.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Deanjam on May 02, 2013, 01:49:14 PM
Not a headline, but didn't know where else to put this, as seen on Twitter today from a North Devon paper.

(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/BJQFZLRCMAAaNQV.jpg:large)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on May 03, 2013, 09:55:23 AM
http://www.bbc.co.uk/

Scotch Egg Dish Wins Masterchef
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: BlodwynPig on May 06, 2013, 01:22:57 PM
A whole host of greats here

http://www.thepoke.co.uk/2013/04/26/unfortunate-publishing-layouts-of-our-time/ (http://www.thepoke.co.uk/2013/04/26/unfortunate-publishing-layouts-of-our-time/)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: billtheburger on May 08, 2013, 01:03:49 PM
Joe Nagy's Runny Nose Turns Out To Be A Leaky Brain  (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/05/07/joe-nagys-runny-nose-turn_n_3229896.html)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Head Gardener on May 15, 2013, 09:25:38 PM
$43.8 million painting (http://www.nypost.com/p/news/local/million_for_this_1UU8ue4EhpQE75xkWCAFQO)

(https://fbcdn-sphotos-e-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-frc3/p480x480/971660_10151908869682729_860086371_n.jpg)

$43 painting

(https://fbcdn-sphotos-g-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-frc3/p480x480/971858_10151908871207729_211904992_n.jpg)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: NoSleep on May 16, 2013, 10:51:45 AM
$43.8 million painting (http://www.nypost.com/p/news/local/million_for_this_1UU8ue4EhpQE75xkWCAFQO)

Surely that's more in the category of a Littlejohn-esque/"you couldn't make it up" headline?
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: sirhenry on May 16, 2013, 11:05:56 AM
US man killed dribbling football to Brazil World Cup (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-22537627)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: billtheburger on May 16, 2013, 11:06:19 AM
On Radio 4's PM show last night Carolin Quinn started off the show (after the Mervyn King bit) with two Day Today headlines including something about catapulting marbles in the bathtub & toxic caterpillars versus helicopters.
Glorious drive home.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Pepotamo1985 on May 17, 2013, 10:47:56 AM
http://www.romseyadvertiser.co.uk/news/news/10412714.Charity_dance_became_illegal_rave/

Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: BlodwynPig on May 17, 2013, 11:05:53 AM
US man killed dribbling football to Brazil World Cup (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-22537627)

fucking hell - as kids you are told never to play football near busy roads. This was inevitable.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Head Gardener on May 17, 2013, 11:06:52 AM
Surely that's more in the category of a Littlejohn-esque/"you couldn't make it up" headline?

probably, but its still fuckin ridiculous
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Pepotamo1985 on May 17, 2013, 11:07:54 AM
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-norfolk-22542222
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Natnar on July 10, 2013, 08:50:06 AM
"Catford Fox Horror For Man On Toilet"

http://www.newsshopper.co.uk/news/lewisham/10534660._/

(http://www.newsshopper.co.uk/resources/images/2530979.jpg?type=articleLandscape)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: sirhenry on July 10, 2013, 10:10:42 AM
"Catford Fox Horror For Man On Toilet"

http://www.newsshopper.co.uk/news/lewisham/10534660._/

(http://www.newsshopper.co.uk/resources/images/2530979.jpg?type=articleLandscape)
I assumed that you'd thrown together that photo, it couldn't have come from a newspaper, surely? But yes, just the first in a stunningly shit set of pictures. Presumably this paper runs entirely on schoolchildren doing work experience.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: bigfatheart on July 10, 2013, 10:39:11 PM
Tired of crows stealing your glasses? (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-derbyshire-23206966)

I used to joke that the news on East Midlands Today was a seemingly never-ending series of puff pieces about owl sanctuaries, but as the recession bites it seems even the birds are turning against us.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: NoSleep on July 11, 2013, 09:25:41 PM
"Catford Fox Horror For Man On Toilet"

http://www.newsshopper.co.uk/news/lewisham/10534660._/

(http://www.newsshopper.co.uk/resources/images/2530979.jpg?type=articleLandscape)

Quote
"It was like a wild animal."
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: jenna appleseed on July 15, 2013, 05:24:37 AM
Two from the Metro

Jay-Z accosted by doppelganger dwarfs at Wireless Festival

Thrill seeking runaway pig discovered in theme park
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Edley on July 15, 2013, 10:48:05 AM
"Catford Fox Horror For Man On Toilet"

http://www.newsshopper.co.uk/news/lewisham/10534660._/

(http://www.newsshopper.co.uk/resources/images/2530979.jpg?type=articleLandscape)

Hank Schrader's let himself go.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: jenna appleseed on July 16, 2013, 04:59:08 PM
Local paper front page (Mid Devon Gazette)

Hot tub stolen at balloon fest
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: mrfridge on July 26, 2013, 08:41:34 AM
Plague-infected squirrel shuts Los Angeles park

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-23460709
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: turnstyle on July 26, 2013, 10:06:09 AM
MASSIVE CHIP SPOTTED IN GLOUCESTERSHIRE

http://www.gloucestercitizen.co.uk/biggest-chip-Gloucestershire/story-19547377-detail/story.html (http://www.gloucestercitizen.co.uk/biggest-chip-Gloucestershire/story-19547377-detail/story.html)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: mrfridge on July 26, 2013, 11:12:50 AM
It's not even that big FFS.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: SetToStun on July 26, 2013, 12:24:18 PM
And does it contain an egg? No, it doesn't, so it simply doesn't count.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Thomas on July 26, 2013, 04:49:47 PM
Tomato excuse for prostitute in car (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-birmingham-23449261)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Thomas on July 28, 2013, 03:32:19 PM
Man 'too fat' to live in New Zealand (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-asia-23475583)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: SteveDave on July 30, 2013, 12:03:41 PM
Not the headline but this quote from Nicole Appleton's sister caught my eye

"She is absolutely devastated. She looks like she has been hit by the bus from the movie Speed"

http://www.nme.com/news/beady-eye/71702
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Petey Pate on August 01, 2013, 03:19:18 PM
Ice Cream and Fizzy Drinks Avert Mass Chimpanzee Escape

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/ice-cream-and-fizzy-drinks-avert-mass-chimpanzee-escape-bid-at-twycross-zoo-8741866.html
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Mildly Diverting on August 01, 2013, 05:39:19 PM
BBC apologises for broadcasting picture of Prince William with penis drawn on his head (http://www.independent.co.uk/arts-entertainment/tv/news/bbc-apologises-for-broadcasting-picture-of-prince-william-with-penis-drawn-on-his-head-8742180.html)

I kid ye not.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Hank_Kingsley on August 09, 2013, 10:24:45 AM
HOLY FUCK GUYS THIS IS AMAZING:

http://videos.huffingtonpost.com/trayvoning-a-disturbing-trend-you-wont-believe-is-real-517854937 (http://videos.huffingtonpost.com/trayvoning-a-disturbing-trend-you-wont-believe-is-real-517854937)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Cuntbeaks on August 10, 2013, 03:22:15 AM
"Man battered with tin of dog food"

http://www.greenocktelegraph.co.uk/news/greenock/articles/2009/05/22/387727-man-battered-with-tin-of-dog-food/ (http://www.greenocktelegraph.co.uk/news/greenock/articles/2009/05/22/387727-man-battered-with-tin-of-dog-food/)

Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Thomas on August 13, 2013, 05:05:52 PM
Jeremy Paxman 'may keep' beard (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-23683727)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: BlodwynPig on August 13, 2013, 07:53:45 PM
Jeremy Paxman 'may keep' beard (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-23683727)

Paws ground.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Butchers Blind on August 16, 2013, 10:09:37 AM
Unremarkable men walk 40 miles for no particular reason (http://www.thisissurreytoday.co.uk/Unremarkable-men-walk-40-miles-particular-reason/story-19658769-detail/story.html#ixzz2c7FeMTcz)

Quote
Some 16 hours later, they reached the lowly bench, to the acclaim of no-one
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: SetToStun on August 16, 2013, 10:49:11 AM
Unremarkable men walk 40 miles for no particular reason (http://www.thisissurreytoday.co.uk/Unremarkable-men-walk-40-miles-particular-reason/story-19658769-detail/story.html#ixzz2c7FeMTcz)

That's a great story - I thoroughly enjoyed that. Thanks. Have karma.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Butchers Blind on August 16, 2013, 11:32:16 AM
China zoo in trouble after disguising dog as 'African lion' (http://www.digitalspy.co.uk/odd/news/a507103/china-zoo-in-trouble-after-disguising-dog-as-african-lion.html)

Quote
A visitor, identified only by her surname Liu, reported the zoo after her son noted that the lion was barking.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: BlodwynPig on August 16, 2013, 11:52:04 AM
China zoo in trouble after disguising dog as 'African lion' (http://www.digitalspy.co.uk/odd/news/a507103/china-zoo-in-trouble-after-disguising-dog-as-african-lion.html)

Quote
steveo67
Sounds like it was a ShihTzu.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Starlit on August 16, 2013, 10:18:01 PM
I'm convinced that I read a story a couple of days ago about a nurse who was sacked for various incompetencies, including not dealing with a man who had blood all over his face because she "thought that it was jam".
I can't find it now though. Sorry.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Thomas on August 16, 2013, 10:20:35 PM
This be it, I imagine -

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-wiltshire-23693729
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: daffs on August 17, 2013, 09:12:26 PM
this is old enough to be on the third page of this thread, but I have found it now and you are having it.

'No jail time for rubbing buttocks on $30M painting' (http://www.nbcnews.com/id/47642942/ns/us_news-crime_and_courts/?ocid=twitter#.Ug_XbW2wT-J)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Natnar on August 19, 2013, 01:23:53 PM
"Fork stuck in man's penis after bizarre sexual mishap"

http://www.canberratimes.com.au/act-news/fork-stuck-in-mans-penis-after-bizarre-sexual-mishap-20130819-2s5w2.html
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: thecuriousorange on August 20, 2013, 01:46:42 PM

Man who dressed up as a dog arrested for 'having sex with a cat'

http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/weird-news/man-who-dressed-up-dog-2161612 (http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/weird-news/man-who-dressed-up-dog-2161612)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Subtle Mocking on August 20, 2013, 01:52:53 PM
Yeah, we've had that in the furries thread. KEEP UP.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Lord Mandrake on August 20, 2013, 06:44:47 PM
Saudi king intervenes to help 1,355 pound man - CNN
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Starlit on August 20, 2013, 08:35:15 PM
That's the one, thanks.


This be it, I imagine -

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-wiltshire-23693729
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: mycroft on August 21, 2013, 11:15:30 AM
Bodybuilder High on Drugs Breaks into Angela Merkel's Jet and Parties Around in Underpants (http://www.spiegel.de/international/zeitgeist/man-in-underpants-partied-in-german-government-jet-for-angela-merkel-a-917494.html)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Butchers Blind on August 21, 2013, 12:56:26 PM
Bodybuilder High on Drugs Breaks into Angela Merkel's Jet and Parties Around in Underpants (http://www.spiegel.de/international/zeitgeist/man-in-underpants-partied-in-german-government-jet-for-angela-merkel-a-917494.html)

Superb.  Love a one man party story.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Artemis on August 22, 2013, 09:55:27 PM
Bradley Manning: 'I am a woman named Chelsea' (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-23798253)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Subtle Mocking on August 22, 2013, 09:56:58 PM
Bradley Manning: 'I am a woman named Chelsea' (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-23798253)

That's such a fucking terribly written article that I've complained to them about it. They've seemingly edited it and still not corrected the obvious misgenderings. Expected a lot better from them.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Edley on August 22, 2013, 10:12:49 PM
That's such a fucking terribly written article that I've complained to them about it. They've seemingly edited it and still not corrected the obvious misgenderings. Expected a lot better from them.

The BBC News site has long been an absolute abomination. Adjust your expectations or lose your mind.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Subtle Mocking on August 22, 2013, 10:15:39 PM
The BBC News site has long been an absolute abomination. Adjust your expectations or lose your mind.

I suppose. But to read things like "He asks that people refer to him with the feminine pronoun", and then to see that they haven't even observed it themselves, who moderates this shit?

EDIT: And to add to that, they have another article with no less than 47 examples of it. http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-11874276
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Glebe on August 23, 2013, 02:15:55 AM
Bradley Manning: 'I am a woman named Chelsea' (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-23798253)

He's really flipped now, thinking he's the Clinton's daughter and everything.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Thomas on August 23, 2013, 04:48:29 PM
Lego boy meets real human self (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-leicestershire-23808442)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Natnar on August 24, 2013, 08:39:29 PM
"Lembit Opik bitten in the GROIN by sausage dog"

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2401356/Ex-MP-Lembit-Opik-bitten-GROIN-sausage-dog.html
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: nugget on August 24, 2013, 10:27:08 PM
Edit- Nevermind, should have read back a page before posting.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Small Man Big Horse on August 24, 2013, 11:41:44 PM
Unremarkable men walk 40 miles for no particular reason (http://www.thisissurreytoday.co.uk/Unremarkable-men-walk-40-miles-particular-reason/story-19658769-detail/story.html#ixzz2c7FeMTcz)

My Sister showed me that, as she lives in Dorking. Sadly she doesn't know the men, so this anecdote really is pointless. Thisissurreytoday seem to enjoy posting ridiculous stories, like this one: http://www.thisissurreytoday.co.uk/hell-helter-skelter-mum-daughter-3-stuck-slide/story-19599004-detail/story.html#axzz2cve6mlrO


Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Glebe on August 25, 2013, 01:31:24 AM
"Fork stuck in man's penis after bizarre sexual mishap"

http://www.canberratimes.com.au/act-news/fork-stuck-in-mans-penis-after-bizarre-sexual-mishap-20130819-2s5w2.html

"Hmmm, should I continue with this wank or eat my fry-up before it get's cold? Ah feck it, I quite fancy a nice, thick sossie -AAAAAAARRRRGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!"
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: SteveDave on August 26, 2013, 08:13:01 AM
Will We Ever Want To Have Sex With Robots?

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-23637225
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: sirhenry on August 26, 2013, 10:00:10 AM
Will We Ever Want To Have Sex With Robots?

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-23637225
That goes perfectly with your avatar.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: mycroft on August 26, 2013, 06:50:58 PM
Edinburgh ketchup charge 'racist', says filthy Weegie scum (http://www.edinburghnews.scotsman.com/news/glasgow-man-says-edinburgh-ketchup-charge-racist-1-3062264)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: sirhenry on August 29, 2013, 12:32:49 PM
May wants domestic violence action

I won't bother linking to the story, it's the usual Teresa May rabble-rousing hate babble, not the perverse masochism implied by the headline.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Natnar on August 29, 2013, 07:37:47 PM
Zombie Pigeons Plague Moscow

http://uk.news.yahoo.com/comment/geekquinox/bizarre-zombie-pigeons-plague-moscow-raising-concerns-infectious-175021354.html#w6pieFa
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: DrGreggles on September 03, 2013, 10:37:48 AM
Australian Rules-Player apologises for burning dwarf (http://www.theguardian.com/sport/feedarticle/10957188)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: momatt on September 03, 2013, 04:20:51 PM
Lego boy meets real human self (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-leicestershire-23808442)

That boy is crap.  He looks nothing like that Lego model.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: MojoJojo on September 03, 2013, 04:27:40 PM
Who is strangling the pigeons in historic Cambridge city centre street? (http://www.cambridge-news.co.uk/News/Serial-pigeon-strangler-strikes-in-historic-Cambridge-city-centre-street-20130902022903.htm)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: mycroft on September 04, 2013, 10:13:33 AM
Pensioner Shampoos Genitals on Bus Due to Issues with Briefs (http://www.mkweb.co.uk/News/Man-74-shampoos-genitals-on-Bedford-bus-after-having-issues-with-his-briefs-20130903121453.htm)

Worth it for the penultimate paragraph alone.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: billtheburger on September 04, 2013, 10:27:06 AM
Stork held on suspicion of spying (http://news.sky.com/story/1135591/stork-held-in-egypt-on-suspicion-of-spying)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Subtle Mocking on September 04, 2013, 10:28:33 AM
Angry grandad kicks spitting teen up the bum (http://www.dover-express.co.uk/Angry-grandad-kicks-spitting-teen-bum/story-19722316-detail/story.html)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: sirhenry on September 04, 2013, 11:44:40 AM
Stork held on suspicion of spying (http://news.sky.com/story/1135591/stork-held-in-egypt-on-suspicion-of-spying)
Quote
In 2010, a series of shark attacks along Egypt's Mediterranean coast were blamed on "GPS-controlled sharks" allegedly sent by Israeli security services into Sinai waters.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: DuncanC on September 04, 2013, 11:55:41 AM
(http://i.imgur.com/Bvh9Qfw.jpg)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Old Nehamkin on September 04, 2013, 02:32:29 PM
'Semi-erect' OAP caught shampooing his genitals on a bus claims he's 'no hardened criminal'.
 (http://www.bedfordshire-news.co.uk/News/Man-74-shampoos-genitals-on-Bedford-bus-after-having-issues-with-his-briefs-20130903121453.htm)

EDIT: Already posted, never mind, move along everyone.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: BlodwynPig on September 04, 2013, 08:58:30 PM
(http://i.imgur.com/Bvh9Qfw.jpg)

That's the Walkie Talkie building again isn't it?
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: DuncanC on September 06, 2013, 06:38:13 PM
Yeah.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Marty McFly on September 06, 2013, 11:50:23 PM
Thug who claimed he was bedridden during 'one-man crimewave' was caught out when he was seen swinging from CCTV camera (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2414025/Scott-Beecham-claimed-bedridden-man-crimewave-caught-CCTV.html)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: NoSleep on September 07, 2013, 10:08:13 AM
You afforded me my first save via Tea & Kittens (http://www.tomroyal.com/teaandkittens/index.html#) Firefox add-on. I will never be led unwittingly to the Mail's website again. Highly recommended.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: jenna appleseed on September 10, 2013, 08:19:39 PM
Usvsth3m is ripping us off
http://usvsth3m.com/post/60838212450/is-chris-morris-on-duty-writing-headlines-for-the-bbc

Quote
Bob Geldof to travel into space, Geller mystified by river letterbox
(http://i.imgur.com/7RHthVM.png)

(*quickly checks bbcnews to make sure I'm not being trolled*
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/science-environment-24031979 (Geldof in space)
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-berkshire-24028902 (Geller, geller geller)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: jenna appleseed on September 12, 2013, 07:36:02 PM
Scarecrows resurrected 'by magic' (http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/kent/6943860.stm)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Slingback Synapse on September 13, 2013, 06:17:54 AM
Currently on BBC News:

Are there really 'rules' to what to wear? http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-24019737 (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-24019737)

is followed by:

Rules 'may have helped paedophiles' http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-24019737 (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-24019737)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: neveragain on September 13, 2013, 10:54:12 AM
That's the same link.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Butchers Blind on September 15, 2013, 09:34:26 AM
Man bites into neighbour's penis in row over loud music (http://www.kentonline.co.uk/east_kent_mercury/news/man-bites-into-neighbours-penis-5997/)

Quote
Jason Martin had told the jury: “I didn’t do that..I am not a gay man in any way. The thought of putting a man’s penis in my mouth..well it’s not for me. Not in a million years would I do it!”

Quote
“I have only got a couple of teeth in the lower part of my mouth...I can’t even bite into a hard-boiled egg!”
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: mycroft on September 15, 2013, 12:46:58 PM
TC Raymond pemieres new persona...

Spooky Clown Mystery Grips Northampton (http://www.northampton-news-hp.co.uk/News/Northampton-News/Spooky-clown-mystery-grips-Northampton-14092013.htm)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Slingback Synapse on September 15, 2013, 01:49:01 PM
Currently on BBC News:

Are there really 'rules' to what to wear? http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-24019737 (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-24019737)

is followed by:

Rules 'may have helped paedophiles' http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-24075588 (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-24075588)

Fixed
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Bored of Canada on October 17, 2013, 01:18:28 PM
Not quite but this was the closest thread I could find.
People at the Sun clearly haven't played the newest Deux Ex. The source of the Wikileaks was actually just an old VHS of Bladerunner.

(http://cdn.destructoid.com//ul/263698-deus1.jpg)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: DuncanC on October 20, 2013, 09:23:00 PM
JFK's Brother "May Have Stolen His Brain" (http://news.sky.com/story/1157227/jfks-brother-may-have-stolen-his-brain)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Subtle Mocking on November 01, 2013, 03:02:20 PM
Statue of cricket umpire Dickie Bird is to be raised to stop pants & condoms being left on it (https://twitter.com/BBCEngland/status/396271019482034176)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Head Gardener on November 01, 2013, 08:32:53 PM
(https://fbcdn-sphotos-b-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-prn1/1385156_10152316728677729_1359889836_n.jpg)

"zee Harry Potter toys are in row zwei"
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: sirhenry on November 02, 2013, 08:49:49 PM
Giant duck deflates in earthquake (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-asia-24789539)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Johnny Textface on November 13, 2013, 02:46:59 PM
Spy probably locked himself in bag (http://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2013/nov/13/mi6-spy-dead-bag-locked-himself-gareth-williams)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Gulftastic on November 13, 2013, 09:34:13 PM
Premier Inn guest hurled racist abuse with fire extinguisher hose up his bottom (http://metro.co.uk/2013/11/12/premier-inn-guest-hurled-racist-abuse-with-fire-extinguisher-hose-up-his-bottom-4184507/)

Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Bored of Canada on November 15, 2013, 11:29:44 PM
Santa Guilty of Sex Assault. (http://www.theguardian.com.au/story/1912883/santa-guilty-of-sex-assault/?cs=12)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Pepotamo1985 on December 23, 2013, 08:19:18 PM
I'VE PIERCED MY FOOT ON A SPIEYYYYYYYYYK

http://www.northamptonchron.co.uk/news/local/drunk-man-impales-himself-on-metal-fence-of-northampton-pub-1-5766640

Well, almost.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Benjaminos on December 24, 2013, 07:38:48 PM
Surgeon 'Burned Initials On Patient's Liver' (http://news.sky.com/story/1186735/surgeon-burned-initials-on-patients-liver)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: samadriel on December 25, 2013, 07:20:12 AM
Surgeon 'Burned Initials On Patient's Liver' (http://news.sky.com/story/1186735/surgeon-burned-initials-on-patients-liver)
Quote
Joyce Robins, of campaign group Patient Concern, said: "This is a patient we are talking about, not an autograph book."
Thanks for the clarification!
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Glebe on December 25, 2013, 11:29:00 AM
Homes Left Without Power As Wire Stolen. (http://www.gazettegroup.com/news/homes-left-without-power-wire-stolen)

All sympathy to those affected, but I can't help being amused by the fanciful thought of someone bringing down the local power source by stealing a piece of wire.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: The Beached Torpedoes on December 25, 2013, 12:31:22 PM
Ewe look familiar! Police put stolen sheep in an ID parade so farmers can reclaim them (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2499679/Police-stolen-sheep-ID-parade-farmers-reclaim-them.html)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Thomas on April 17, 2014, 01:17:00 PM
Brampton car tyres vandal unmasked as dog (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-cumbria-27055750)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Queneau on April 17, 2014, 01:39:12 PM
Can you help? Huddersfield ice-cream man has ding-a-ling chimes stolen by thieves[nb]Typical. Who else?[/nb]

The Huddersfield man is far from happy after thieves targeted his one-man business for a SEVENTH time and stole the musical equipment that provides his van with its chimes

(http://i4.examiner.co.uk/incoming/article6882139.ece/alternates/s615/JS34194094.jpg)

If it wasn’t so serious, Philip Hanson would smile about it.

After all, what good’s an ice-cream man who has lost his ding-a-ling?

But the Huddersfield man is far from happy after thieves targeted his one-man business for a SEVENTH time and stole the musical equipment that provides his van with its chimes.

He even saw the pair running away with the equipment but despite his efforts, and those of a police dog-handler, the thieves got away with the sound equipment worth almost £800.

(http://i4.examiner.co.uk/incoming/article6882140.ece/alternates/s615/JS34194162.jpg)

Surprised he hasn't topped himself... More here: http://www.examiner.co.uk/news/west-yorkshire-news/can-you-help-huddersfield-ice-cream-6881000
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Subtle Mocking on May 23, 2014, 05:04:27 PM
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/BoVQxhWCYAEhNdM.png)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: sirhenry on May 23, 2014, 05:40:26 PM
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/BoVQxhWCYAEhNdM.png)
Been there, done that. Except it wasn't Manchester, it was Leeds; it wasn't 'comic sketches', it was agitprop[nb]what's the difference? plausible deniability;)[/nb]; and it wasn't Steven, it was my friend and co-conspirator Little Neil, back in the heady days of 1984.
Hopefully it will end the same though, with a reprimand and all the police in the station laughing their heads off at the arresting officer.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Thomas on May 24, 2014, 07:08:58 PM
'Boring' hedge turned into dragon in East Rudham (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-norfolk-27519536)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Head Gardener on May 30, 2014, 11:28:04 PM
(http://static.fjcdn.com/pictures/Senior+Prank+from+my+School.+This+is+the+senior+prank_dce8d9_5139796.jpg)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: momatt on May 31, 2014, 02:41:24 PM
Ha ha, worth a try.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: BlodwynPig on May 31, 2014, 02:49:10 PM
'Boring' hedge turned into dragon in East Rudham (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-norfolk-27519536)

I like this little detail.

Quote
has to climb a pair of 6ft-high (1.8m) stepladders

For our growing American Readers, yours lovingly, The Daily M...The BBC.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Subtle Mocking on June 05, 2014, 04:36:45 PM
Zoo worker in gorilla costume mistakenly shot with tranquiliser dart
http://www.itv.com/news/update/2014-06-05/zoo-vet-shoots-gorilla-suit-man-he-mistook-for-animal/
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Bored of Canada on June 23, 2014, 07:16:06 AM
Student gets stuck in giant stone vagina
in Germany

Read more: http://www.smh.com.au/world/student-gets-stuck-in-giant-stone-vagina-in-germany-20140623-zsiet.html#ixzz35RMqzuc9
http://www.theage.com.au/world/student-gets-stuck-in-giant-stone-vagina-in-germany-20140623-zsiet.html
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: jenna appleseed on June 23, 2014, 04:57:08 PM
eta- meant to post these the other week but my internet went down & I forgot -
Man dies after Parklife inflatable doll attack (eta2: article actually horrible & they've changed the headline - http://metro.co.uk/2014/06/12/man-dies-after-parklife-inflatable-doll-attack-4758769/)

WrestleMania wardrobe malfunction blamed for Diva loss (eta3: that ones a bit rubbish as it makes perfect sense in context)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: jenna appleseed on July 04, 2014, 12:44:01 AM
Rescue helicopter finds Jedward stranded on sandbank
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: jenna appleseed on July 05, 2014, 04:39:10 PM
spotted in the facebook trending sidebar "Gigantic insect lands on James Rodriguez shortly after scoring for Colombia (Yahoo Sports)"

cue a very confused Alan Partridge wondering about football playing giant insects.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: DrunkCountry on July 19, 2014, 05:13:17 PM
Driver used rope to kill himself

Quote
A depressed businessman going through a divorce decapitated himself by tying a rope to a tree and driving away in his open-top car, an inquest has heard.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/wales/7548504.stm (http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/wales/7548504.stm)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: BlodwynPig on July 19, 2014, 06:50:39 PM
Driver used rope to kill himself

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/wales/7548504.stm (http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/wales/7548504.stm)

I was about to post that, couldn't find a decent thread, stumbled on to this one and bingo!

2008, why are so many people reading it today - or was it "traffic" from here, "pulling" in the punters?
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: DrunkCountry on July 23, 2014, 01:42:15 PM
I was about to post that, couldn't find a decent thread, stumbled on to this one and bingo!

2008, why are so many people reading it today - or was it "traffic" from here, "pulling" in the punters?

Not entirely sure. Since posting that it's showing up on my facebook feed as a recommended read!? I stumbled across it while Googling something else for Chris Morris & came across a link to it via someone who had made the connection on some tumblr or other. To be honest, I didn't even notice it was a 2008 story until you just said.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: popcorn on July 31, 2014, 02:06:15 AM
I realise the Sunday Sport is low-hanging fruit for this sort of thing, but this made me cry with laughter, I assume a word is cut off or something:

(https://pbs.twimg.com/profile_images/461159252782878721/s6v_UcE1_400x400.jpeg)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Pepotamo1985 on July 31, 2014, 10:46:13 AM
The missing word is chippy.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: jenna appleseed on August 03, 2014, 02:27:41 PM
Dead Cat Speaks Through Poetry
(http://i37.photobucket.com/albums/e94/jend80/deadcatpoetrycropped_zps04928b3b.jpg)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Morrison Lard on August 08, 2014, 12:18:00 PM
Underwear-stealing ghosts made my life hell (http://www.hulldailymail.co.uk/Underwear-stealing-ghosts-life-hell-Hull-woman/story-22218289-detail/story.html)

Quote
"Terrified" Hull woman Pauline Hickson says she was forced to moved seven times by ghosts that stole her bras
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: BlodwynPig on August 08, 2014, 12:22:44 PM
Underwear-stealing ghosts made my life hell (http://www.hulldailymail.co.uk/Underwear-stealing-ghosts-life-hell-Hull-woman/story-22218289-detail/story.html)

Biggy replies:

Quote
Pauline, who was living with her nephew at the time,

Quote
Within a few months she returned to Hull, this time to Orchard Park, with her niece
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Johnny Textface on August 19, 2014, 09:51:28 AM
Michael Jackson Eats Man In Front Of Horrified Wife, Is Shot Dead By Police (http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/2014/08/19/crocodile-named-michael-jackson-eats-man-front-horrified-wife-shot-dead-polic_n_5690271.html?utm_hp_ref=uk)[nb]Front page headline, they seem to have bottled it on the article page :([/nb]

Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Petey Pate on August 26, 2014, 05:03:16 PM
Doctor Who lesbian kiss sparks Ofcom complaints over 'weird lesbian-lizard perv trip' (http://www.independent.co.uk/arts-entertainment/tv/news/doctor-who-lesbian-kiss-sparks-ofcom-complaints-over-weird-lesbianlizard-perv-trip-9691238.html)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: BritishHobo on August 26, 2014, 05:15:41 PM
It's amazing the mindset that despite so much heterosexual flirting and kissing, one single kiss between a woman lizard and a woman is HORRIBLE GAY AGENDA.

I was just listening to the Down The Line episode where they talk about gayness in Doctor Who yesterday, and all. "I suppose you could say, him kissing another man, is evidence of a certain degree of gayness."
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Thomas on August 26, 2014, 05:22:27 PM
I like that 'lesbian' has been chucked in there to hammer further the idea of 'perviness'. It's not just any old kiss - it's a 'lesbian kiss'. Between two lesbians. Who are lesbians.

Maybe I'm just modern and hip, but, whatever qualms you might have with the sci-fi idea of a humanoid reptile kissing a human, the gender/sexuality of the kissers is totally irrelevant. Right?
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Ambient Sheep on August 30, 2014, 05:54:34 AM
Welsh Secretary takes flak for 'pathetic starter beard' (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-wales-politics-28347364) says the BBC.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: SteveDave on September 03, 2014, 11:35:04 PM
"Russian Sex Geckos Die In Orbit"

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/science-environment-29028326
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Ambient Sheep on September 05, 2014, 04:02:48 PM
Damn, I meant to come here and post that one myself when I first saw it, but clean forgot.

Good, innit?
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Subtle Mocking on September 19, 2014, 06:12:27 PM
Steve Albini calls Dave Matthews' wine "too jammy" http://t.co/RRAtFna6aj
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: thecuriousorange on September 23, 2014, 05:09:43 PM
Bristol man, 47, found dead with two hard-boiled eggs in his rectum

m.bristolpost.co.uk/articles/news/article/22965155 (http://m.bristolpost.co.uk/articles/news/article/22965155)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: copyingdogs on September 25, 2014, 12:10:06 AM
Norway cheese fire closes tunnel

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-21141244

Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Johnny Textface on November 06, 2014, 11:35:22 AM
Gay cake row 'disappointing'

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-northern-ireland-29929519
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Captain Z on December 13, 2014, 08:30:18 PM
Korean Air executive 'made steward bow over nut rage'

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-asia-30461979
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Shaky on December 14, 2014, 10:55:21 AM
Actor Alan Davies 'grabbed climbing instructor's throat at leisure centre in front of his children' during scuffle on the stairs

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2873106/Actor-Alan-Davies-grabbed-climbing-instructor-s-throat-leisure-centre-children-scuffle-stairs.html (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2873106/Actor-Alan-Davies-grabbed-climbing-instructor-s-throat-leisure-centre-children-scuffle-stairs.html)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: momatt on December 15, 2014, 01:28:32 PM
At least he didn't bite his ear off.  He's mellowing with age.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: great_badir on December 16, 2014, 01:55:43 PM
I can't remember exactly what it was, but the headline the BBC website originally attached to the Pakistan school bombing this morning sounded like it came straight out of Chris Morris' mouth - it flowed like a rap song.  It was "Pakistan Taliban..." something-something-something.  Unintentional I'm sure, but nonetheless not in the best taste.  I'm pleased to see that they quickly replaced it with something more in-keeping with the seriousness of the story.

An unfortunate entry into this thread.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: monolith on January 03, 2015, 01:19:08 AM
Constipated goldfish operated on by North Walsham vet

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-norfolk-30655444
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Frazer on February 14, 2015, 01:32:18 PM
Award-winning businesswoman who was ‘welded’ into Sunderland industrial unit now refusing to leave

Sunderland Echo (http://www.sunderlandecho.com/news/crime/award-winning-businesswoman-who-was-welded-into-sunderland-industrial-unit-now-refusing-to-leave-1-7105877)

"Not much gawn on with the police"
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Captain Z on February 19, 2015, 03:05:58 PM
Not a headline, but couldn't help hearing the first line of this (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-31525040) BBC article read out in that unmistakable tone:

Police Scotland has admitted it lost 20,000 stop and search records because someone "pressed the wrong button".[nb]This is the one thing we didn't want to happen[/nb]
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Thomas on April 29, 2015, 06:41:14 PM
(http://i62.tinypic.com/2432u5g.png)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: momatt on June 29, 2015, 01:07:25 PM
Venezuelan veterinarian arrested​ for smuggling heroin in puppies

http://www.theguardian.com/world/2015/jun/23/venezuelan-veterinarian-arrested-for-allegedly-smuggling-heroin-in-puppies

Heroin.  In puppies.
Puppies.  Full of heroin.


(http://i.ytimg.com/vi/ZATk0h4hUw8/hqdefault.jpg)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Quote on July 12, 2015, 11:42:46 PM
'My partner learned I was living as a woman when my chicken fillets saved my life in crash'

http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/my-partner-learned-living-woman-6055062

I'll be honest, my interest was piqued by the photograph:

(http://i1.mirror.co.uk/incoming/article6052921.ece/ALTERNATES/s458/Kirsty-Gilbert.jpg)

Who says tranny's can't be feminine and lady-like?
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Glebe on September 27, 2015, 05:47:32 AM
Major UKIP Donor Says Party’s Only MP Is "Borderline Autistic With Mental Illness Wrapped In". (http://www.buzzfeed.com/jimwaterson/major-ukip-donor-says-partys-only-mp-is-borderline-autistic#.jeKde1RZ5)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: daffs on September 27, 2015, 01:09:00 PM
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CP3EQ-bWcAISisX.jpg)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Head Gardener on October 03, 2015, 05:39:01 PM
WTF is this shit? (https://www.facebook.com/mikeybrgn/videos/10200957083166738/)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: BlodwynPig on October 05, 2015, 08:46:28 PM
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-cumbria-34449375 (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-cumbria-34449375)

Quote
There was no explanation for spitting at the baby.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Mijkediablo on October 06, 2015, 12:46:26 AM
WTF is this shit? (https://www.facebook.com/mikeybrgn/videos/10200957083166738/)

God, someone please push that cunt in the water. "What the fuck is that thing, Jay? It's a baby wheel!"

Sunfish mate.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: jenna appleseed on October 18, 2015, 07:23:39 AM
Police Investigating Reports of Clowns in Vans Chasing Students
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: monolith on October 18, 2015, 09:37:51 AM
Korean Air executive 'made steward bow over nut rage'

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-asia-30461979
If that was read out by Morris, together with the video, I would 100% believe it was a clip from the Day Today.

Ludicrous.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Famous Mortimer on October 18, 2015, 10:05:34 AM
Actor Alan Davies 'grabbed climbing instructor's throat at leisure centre in front of his children' during scuffle on the stairs

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2873106/Actor-Alan-Davies-grabbed-climbing-instructor-s-throat-leisure-centre-children-scuffle-stairs.html (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2873106/Actor-Alan-Davies-grabbed-climbing-instructor-s-throat-leisure-centre-children-scuffle-stairs.html)

Has he got a good agent, because he keeps showing up on stuff despite being a bit more violent than your average mum's favourite type?
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: buttgammon on November 04, 2015, 03:22:22 PM
(http://i56.photobucket.com/albums/g165/muguguyman/b4f0583e-c901-4cc7-b913-10fd63b377f4_zpsjnllxphi.jpg)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Petey Pate on December 07, 2015, 12:41:26 PM
Rabbi’s miracle cow threatens ‘apocalypse’ at al-Aqsa (http://www.middleeasteye.net/in-depth/features/rabbi-s-miracle-cow-threatens-apocalypse-al-aqsa-1154044130#sthash.nRf8Wdtr.dpuf)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: MoonDust on December 15, 2015, 01:34:37 PM
Shepherds storm Romanian parliament in protest over sheepdog law (http://www.theguardian.com/world/2015/dec/15/shepherds-storm-romanian-parliament-protest-sheepdog-law).

Okay, not that Day Today-esque, but reading this bit in Ted Maul's voice:

Quote
Riot police fired teargas at the shepherds, some of whom were dressed in floor-length sheepskins and blew horns, to keep them from charging at the parliament building.

and you can kind of imagine it.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: MoonDust on January 12, 2016, 12:03:24 PM
Vladimir Putin denies setting his dog on Angela Merkel (http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/vladimir-putin/12094074/Vladimir-Putin-denies-setting-his-dog-on-Angela-Merkel.html)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: DukeDeMondo on January 12, 2016, 06:58:50 PM
An oldie that's doing the rounds again. Missing woman unwittingly joins search party looking for herself (http://www.torontosun.com/2012/08/28/missing-woman-unwittingly-joins-search-party-for-herself)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Glebe on January 12, 2016, 11:54:18 PM
An oldie that's doing the rounds again. Missing woman unwittingly joins search party looking for herself (http://www.torontosun.com/2012/08/28/missing-woman-unwittingly-joins-search-party-for-herself)

Call off the search! (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BY84Ke3UYi0#t=2m36s)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: neveragain on January 13, 2016, 05:48:34 AM
Officer Traded Breath Evidence For Breasts


http://m.torontosun.com/2016/01/12/officer-traded-breath-evidence-for-breasts

Quote
The officer in this case, whether inadvertently or not, had the misfortune of trading breasts for breath.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Ambient Sheep on January 15, 2016, 06:37:57 AM
I'm not sure if these are quite surreal enough to be Day Today-esque, but I felt they warranted recording somewhere:

Daily Telegraph - Teacher who used meat cleaver to explain the splitting of atoms walks free from court (http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/law-and-order/11866496/Teacher-who-used-meat-cleaver-to-explain-the-splitting-of-atoms-walks-free-from-court.html)

New York Daily News - Mount Sinai doctor accused of ejaculating on patient's face (http://www.nydailynews.com/new-york/exclusive-mount-sinai-doc-accused-ejaculating-patient-article-1.2496055)

Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: MoonDust on January 15, 2016, 09:25:23 AM
An oldie that's doing the rounds again. Missing woman unwittingly joins search party looking for herself (http://www.torontosun.com/2012/08/28/missing-woman-unwittingly-joins-search-party-for-herself)

Well, they do say traveling is a good way to find oneself.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: KennyMonster on January 15, 2016, 10:28:05 AM
Woman with hairy Lidl turnip is living in fear of spiders!!!

http://www.onenewspage.com/n/UK/759gheqne/Family-left-in-fear-of-spiders-after-turnip.htm
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Natnar on January 24, 2016, 05:35:27 PM
Drive-by yoghurt chucker menaces West Country haberdasher

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/12118630/Drive-by-yoghurt-chucker-menaces-West-Country-haberdasher.html
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Glebe on January 26, 2016, 09:45:28 AM
Prairie Voles Show Empathy For Stressed Relatives. (http://www.natureworldnews.com/articles/19499/20160124/prairie-voles-show-empathy-stressed-relatives.htm)

NEW PAGE VOLE.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: MoonDust on January 26, 2016, 05:22:22 PM
Spanish matador investigated for bullfighting with baby (http://www.theguardian.com/world/2016/jan/26/fran-rivera-spanish-matador-investigated-baby-daughter-bullfight)

On a more serious note, the guy's a dick.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: MoonDust on January 28, 2016, 07:34:29 AM
IRA bomb dogs? ISIS bomb kangaroos! (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-australia-35425665)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: MoonDust on January 28, 2016, 05:37:26 PM
I actually laughed at this headline. Had to double-take.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-asia-35427926
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Robot DeNiro on February 23, 2016, 05:50:16 PM
Just now on PM Susan Rae struggled while reading the news headlines, and ground to a halt.  Eddie Mair could be clearly heard in the background shouting "You've lost the news! You've lost the news!"  Oh, and the BBC is going to do Question Time Live from Wembley in June (Arena rather than Stadium though.)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Ambient Sheep on April 26, 2016, 03:52:58 AM
This BBC News one really is straight out of the start of The Day Today, especially if you run with the slightly shorter version on the BBC sidebar, namely:

Bernie Clifton in death metal mix-up (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-derbyshire-36129559)

(leading to "Bernie Clifton death metal band album mix-up" which isn't quite so snappy)

You can just hear Christopher Morris saying it as you read it.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Glebe on May 10, 2016, 11:00:24 PM
Boy finds rat in his soda. (http://www.9news.com/news/weird/boy-finds-rat-in-his-soda-1/184299978)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: monolith on May 13, 2016, 09:53:02 PM
'Legal highs made me punch my own face' (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-36280501)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: greencalx on May 15, 2016, 10:06:44 PM
BBC news covering the Manchester United ground evacuation just used the phrase "explosive search dog".
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: phes on May 16, 2016, 01:23:45 PM
First thing I thought about as I read the story this morning was the bit when they send a notorious paedophile into space on a one-man prison ship but accidentally put an 8 year old child on board.

This is the one thing we didn't want to happen

Astonishing story, really.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Glebe on June 02, 2016, 11:06:21 PM
(http://i1265.photobucket.com/albums/jj506/Chuckopixs/dailyexpressmigrants_zpsukuohv22.jpg)

Heh... 'Sneaky migrants'!
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: great_badir on June 07, 2016, 01:27:25 PM
Saw one on the front page of one of the local free rags (Somerset Journal/Wells Gazette/Mendip Times or summat) at the weekend:

"Policeman's testicles groped during cheese roll".

In reference to the recent annual Cooper's Hill Cheese Rolling tradition.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Glebe on June 10, 2016, 08:32:10 PM
Man with 'testicles the size of an avocado' banned from all Matalan stores. (http://www.somersetlive.co.uk/Man-testicles-size-avocado-banned-Matalan-stores/story-29275318-detail/story.html)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: thraxx on June 15, 2016, 08:58:59 PM

Nigel Farage and Bob Geldof's rival flotillas clash on the Thames (http://www.theguardian.com/politics/2016/jun/15/nigel-farage-bob-geldof-rival-eu-referendum-thames-flotillas)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Petey Pate on June 15, 2016, 11:31:14 PM


Nigel Farage and Bob Geldof's rival flotillas clash on the Thames (http://www.theguardian.com/politics/2016/jun/15/nigel-farage-bob-geldof-rival-eu-referendum-thames-flotillas)

(https://scontent-lhr3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/fr/cp0/e15/q65/13412919_10208545409686490_8679416356018645744_n.jpg?efg=eyJpIjoidCJ9&oh=5d95d7db32e55459ce1a7b82c28fee54&oe=57CB7E5A)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Depressed Beyond Tables on June 16, 2016, 12:22:17 AM
Man with 'testicles the size of an avocado' banned from all Matalan stores. (http://www.somersetlive.co.uk/Man-testicles-size-avocado-banned-Matalan-stores/story-29275318-detail/story.html)

This seems harsh.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Steven on June 16, 2016, 08:47:10 AM
This seems harsh.

He was stoned.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: monolith on June 16, 2016, 12:32:59 PM
In other Avocado related news:

New Zealand avocado theft grows as demand surges

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-36541261
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Depressed Beyond Tables on June 16, 2016, 08:45:18 PM
Thai man returns home to find giant monitor lizard trying to get into his house (http://www.breakingnews.ie/discover/thai-man-returns-home-to-find-giant-monitor-lizard-trying-to-get-into-his-house-740286.html)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Glebe on June 16, 2016, 11:04:44 PM
Nigel Farage and Bob Geldof's rival flotillas clash on the Thames (http://www.theguardian.com/politics/2016/jun/15/nigel-farage-bob-geldof-rival-eu-referendum-thames-flotillas)

He didn't swear once! (Geldof, that is.)

Thai man returns home to find giant monitor lizard trying to get into his house (http://www.breakingnews.ie/discover/thai-man-returns-home-to-find-giant-monitor-lizard-trying-to-get-into-his-house-740286.html)

Any excuse. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jrANdklh5vw)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Natnar on June 18, 2016, 11:35:14 PM
Goldie Lookin Chain rapper claims to have photographed 'proof that fairies exist'

http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/goldie-lookin-chain-rapper-claims-8225389
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Glebe on June 19, 2016, 02:28:16 AM
Goldie Lookin Chain rapper claims to have photographed 'proof that fairies exist'

http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/goldie-lookin-chain-rapper-claims-8225389

(http://i1265.photobucket.com/albums/jj506/Chuckopixs/goldielookinfairies_zpsi3hgcxzm.jpg)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Glebe on June 29, 2016, 02:36:34 AM
Phil Lord and Chris Miller Call ‘The LEGO Batman Movie’ a “90-Minute Easter Egg”. (http://collider.com/the-lego-batman-movie-phil-lord-chris-miller)

No, I haven't accidentally not post in Deeper into Movies, it's just that it's quite amusing if you take it literally.




Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Petey Pate on July 03, 2016, 01:14:02 PM
New Zealand record cocaine seizure in horse's head (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-asia-36697323)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: jenna appleseed on July 11, 2016, 04:07:27 AM
Front page headline of local paper last week
"Boris - you are a massive child" [nb](tedious story about Boris Johnson giving a speech, (& local tory mp almost calling Gove a traitor), briefly mentioning he got heckled).[/nb]

Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Glebe on July 13, 2016, 07:41:14 PM
David Cameron: 'I was the future once'. (http://www.bbc.com/news/uk-politics-36781565)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: DrunkCountry on July 28, 2016, 11:15:29 AM
THIS IS THE NEWS

"Fuck off! Alan Partridge kind of shit."

https://twitter.com/BobbyFaghihi/status/758597388776898560 (https://twitter.com/BobbyFaghihi/status/758597388776898560)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: neveragain on July 31, 2016, 06:07:41 PM
What am I supposed to be seeing there? I can only make out two people's backs in a graveyard.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: DrunkCountry on August 01, 2016, 07:48:02 AM
It's a gif - click it & unmute it.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on August 01, 2016, 08:25:47 AM
What am I supposed to be seeing there? I can only make out two people's backs in a graveyard.

Plus ça change
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Starlit on August 01, 2016, 11:59:47 PM

http://www.worcesternews.co.uk/news/14653609.UPDATED__Naked_man_in_JCB_on_same_evening_as_electricity_substation_crash/
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Glebe on August 10, 2016, 07:48:09 PM
Crow who amazed the world by bending wire was simply using natural behaviour, scientists say. (http://www.irishexaminer.com/examviral/science-world/crow-who-amazed-the-world-by-bending-wire-was-simply-using-natural-behaviour-scientists-say-415186.html)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Bhazor on August 10, 2016, 08:33:35 PM
Gay couple's fury at Sainsbury's hand-hold complaint

http://www.bbc.com/news/uk-england-london-37034082
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Large Noise on August 10, 2016, 10:27:11 PM
(https://s9.postimg.org/o84k7ggr3/image.jpg)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Natnar on August 11, 2016, 09:19:43 AM
Pensioner’s huge cock in front garden is tourist attraction

http://www.fifetoday.co.uk/what-s-on/leisure-time/pensioner-s-huge-cock-in-front-garden-is-tourist-attraction-1-4199476
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: momatt on August 11, 2016, 01:39:25 PM
Gay couple's fury at Sainsbury's hand-hold complaint
http://www.bbc.com/news/uk-england-london-37034082

Blimey.  How vain do you need to be to go out with someone who looks exactly the same as you?

(http://ichef-1.bbci.co.uk/news/660/cpsprodpb/1059D/production/_90737966_rees.jpg)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Glebe on August 11, 2016, 04:54:57 PM
Blimey.  How vain do you need to be to go out with someone who looks exactly the same as you?

(http://ichef-1.bbci.co.uk/news/660/cpsprodpb/1059D/production/_90737966_rees.jpg)

Not exactly the same - the guy on the left is distinguishable by looking like a young Steven Toast.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: momatt on August 12, 2016, 12:31:27 AM
Whereas the other one looks a bit like a young Matt Berry.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: fit bird on August 12, 2016, 01:51:52 AM
Anger over stench of muck spreading around Sittingbourne (http://www.kentonline.co.uk/sittingbourne/news/anger-over-stench-of-muck-100583/)

Excellent photographs accompanying the article too.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Porter Dimi on August 20, 2016, 12:49:14 PM
The second in particular:

(https://67.media.tumblr.com/0edae8206a5f18f86629b9f96ee53911/tumblr_inline_nmf2xhSWk51s3vpt3_540.png)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Glebe on August 20, 2016, 09:52:45 PM
^ That's actually funnier if you imagine that the children were screaming anyway and Obama just randomly said, "Bees are good!" apropos of nothing.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Billy on August 21, 2016, 02:38:25 AM
I'll be disappointed if someone hasn't mashed his words up with The Shamen yet.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Quote on August 23, 2016, 11:22:48 AM
'Sex Pigs halt traffic after laser attack on Pokémon teens'

http://www.thelocal.se/20160816/pig-mask-pair-enjoy-waterwheel-sex-after-pokmon-hunter-attack

Quote
They wore rubber masks depicting pigs’ heads and they started screaming and waving a green laser.”

A laser beam hit one of the teens in the face and the children rushed back home, shaken but luckily unharmed.

The masked shooters, who also wore T-shirts labeled ‘King’ and ‘Queen’, were next spotted by incredulous motorists as they had sex beside the hamlet’s waterwheel.

Traffic backed up on the highway as some drivers slowed down and others clambered out of their cars to behold the bizarre spectacle, one motorist told the paper.

The police didn’t care so much about the traffic jam, she said, but officer Daniel Hagthorpe was concerned about the alleged laser attack and public sex.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Morrison Lard on August 23, 2016, 06:53:02 PM
Anger over stench of muck spreading around Sittingbourne (http://www.kentonline.co.uk/sittingbourne/news/anger-over-stench-of-muck-100583/)

Excellent photographs accompanying the article too.
Good grief.

Cllr Mike Baldock-
(http://media.kentonline.co.uk/filerepository/750x0/131001~0,0,99,E6,96,87,0~2424940.jpg)

You can click that picture for bigger, if your heart so desires
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Spoon of Ploff on August 23, 2016, 07:00:31 PM
Good grief.

Cllr Mike Baldock-
(http://media.kentonline.co.uk/filerepository/750x0/131001~0,0,99,E6,96,87,0~2424940.jpg)

You can click that picture for bigger, if your heart so desires

Gary Glitter's wig has let himself go.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: thraxx on August 23, 2016, 07:02:40 PM
Good grief.

Cllr Mike Baldock-
(http://media.kentonline.co.uk/filerepository/750x0/131001~0,0,99,E6,96,87,0~2424940.jpg)

You can click that picture for bigger, if your heart so desires

The Orgazoid has let himself go.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Glebe on August 24, 2016, 04:17:29 AM
^ Sigue Sigue Sputnik: We're too glum to make comeback.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Glebe on August 25, 2016, 04:29:39 PM
Norway promotes a penguin to rank of brigadier. (http://www.geek.com/news/norway-promotes-a-penguin-to-rank-of-brigadier-1667774/)

You couldn't make it up.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Glebe on October 01, 2016, 04:55:46 PM
Giant inflatable duck returns 'home' after its Glasgow adventure. (http://www.glasgowlive.co.uk/news/glasgow-news/giant-inflatable-duck-returns-home-11948801)

(http://i1265.photobucket.com/albums/jj506/Chuckopixs/giantinflatableduck_zps5ptoclnw.png)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: MoonDust on October 19, 2016, 11:16:02 AM
The second in particular:

(https://67.media.tumblr.com/0edae8206a5f18f86629b9f96ee53911/tumblr_inline_nmf2xhSWk51s3vpt3_540.png)

Not checked this thread in a while. I'm finding this very very funny!

Also, came across this. Kind of Day Today-esque(ish).

Oasis snubbed Trainspotting soundtrack thinking film 'was about trainspotters' (https://www.theguardian.com/music/2016/oct/19/oasis-trainspotting-soundtrack-noel-gallagher-danny-boyle)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Captain Z on November 18, 2016, 11:35:54 PM
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-leicestershire-38025670

(http://ichef.bbci.co.uk/news/834/cpsprodpb/BD9C/production/_92504584_naff_tree.jpg)

"Ths first attempt was abandoned due to heavy tinsel"
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: greencalx on December 05, 2016, 10:50:12 PM
Edinburgh man with bionic penis inundated with date offers (http://www.edinburghnews.scotsman.com/our-region/edinburgh/edinburgh-man-with-bionic-penis-inundated-with-date-offers-1-4309098)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: slicesofjim on December 08, 2016, 03:12:48 PM
'Sofia Vergara: US actress faces lawsuit 'from own embryos''
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-38252457 (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-38252457)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Bhazor on December 09, 2016, 04:34:59 PM
"'Unauthorised trousers' kill Canadian zoo's otter"

http://www.bbc.com/news/blogs-news-from-elsewhere-35604300
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Bhazor on December 13, 2016, 01:28:25 AM
Woman reckons her washing machine sounds like Danny Dyer saying ‘come on then’

http://metro.co.uk/2016/12/12/woman-reckons-her-washing-machine-sounds-like-danny-dyer-saying-come-on-then-6317402/#ixzz4Sg3NhGaV

Man stabbed to death at party remembering man who was stabbed to death

http://metro.co.uk/2016/12/11/man-stabbed-to-death-at-party-remembering-man-who-was-stabbed-to-death-6316296/#ixzz4Sg46RsoH
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Ambient Sheep on December 22, 2016, 02:09:24 AM
Putin acts as bath lotion deaths rise (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-38395013) (which is how it appears on the BBC News front page, rather than the more boring version on top of the article itself)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Phil_A on December 22, 2016, 09:17:34 AM
The second in particular:

(https://67.media.tumblr.com/0edae8206a5f18f86629b9f96ee53911/tumblr_inline_nmf2xhSWk51s3vpt3_540.png)

Oh dear, has Oprah been at it again?

(https://media.giphy.com/media/dcubXtnbck0RG/giphy.gif)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: BlodwynPig on December 22, 2016, 10:35:25 AM
I've seen it before but that animated gif sums up humanity in the last 30 years, its incredible.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Glebe on December 24, 2016, 02:41:44 AM
I've seen it before but that animated gif sums up humanity in the last 30 years, its incredible.

If only Nicholas Cage had been as fond of the common stinging insect.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Ambient Sheep on January 06, 2017, 04:44:33 PM
Not a headline as such, but things have reached new heights of absurdity when a BBC Northern Ireland reporter, commenting on First Minister Arlene Foster's handling of the Renewable Heat Incentive scandal, is reduced to saying (while desperately trying to keep a straight face):

"She has posted on her Facebook page a photograph of a guinea pig wearing heart-shaped pink glasses, and the caption on the photo says: 'Can't see all the haters when I got my love glasses on'."
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Bhazor on January 08, 2017, 04:20:52 PM
German Greens float sex prescriptions for disabled

http://www.bbc.com/news/world-europe-38549030

Quote
A spokeswoman for the Green Party in Germany has said disabled and seriously ill people should be able to claim back public money if they pay for sex.

They would have to prove a medical need and show that they could not pay to visit sex workers otherwise.

The newspaper wrote (in German) that increasing numbers of sex workers offered services in care homes. A sexual adviser for nursing homes told the paper that prostitutes were a "blessing" for some patients.

I wonder how much I could get back for a bad case of wankers cramp?
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: MoonDust on January 10, 2017, 01:03:08 PM
Nazi super-cows could be brought back by scientists after going extinct in 17th century (http://www.independent.co.uk/news/science/nazi-super-cows-extinct-auroch-bring-back-aryan-myths-17th-century-adolf-hitler-ecosystem-preserve-a7518766.html)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: MoonDust on January 25, 2017, 09:53:49 AM
(http://i.imgur.com/hJkjDnU.png)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Glebe on January 25, 2017, 08:24:59 PM
^Please let that happen literally.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: thraxx on January 25, 2017, 08:28:06 PM
Nazi super-cows could be brought back by scientists after going extinct in 17th century (http://www.independent.co.uk/news/science/nazi-super-cows-extinct-auroch-bring-back-aryan-myths-17th-century-adolf-hitler-ecosystem-preserve-a7518766.html)

Not just the headline:  That article is fit to burst with crackers:

'In 2015 a British farmer was forced to kill off half his herd of auroch-derived Heck cattle because they kept trying to kill him.'
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: NoSleep on January 31, 2017, 07:09:38 AM
That's actually the reason that we herd cows and sheep but not wildebeast and ride horses but not zebras; because they can be domesticated. There is a whole world of tasty animals, but many would take a pop at us rather than languish in a field until hamburger time.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Rocket Surgery on April 10, 2017, 11:39:32 AM
http://www.chron.com/news/houston-texas/texas/article/Texas-masturbation-bill-is-now-in-the-hands-of-11052043.php
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: George Oscar Bluth II on April 10, 2017, 12:58:13 PM
Quote
Terry Peck, AKA 2pec, was pursued by police on jet skis and charged with stealing after he allegedly tucked into a hefty meal and skipped the bill

https://www.theguardian.com/australia-news/2017/apr/10/gold-coast-diner-devoured-621-meal-then-ran-into-surf-without-paying-police-say (https://www.theguardian.com/australia-news/2017/apr/10/gold-coast-diner-devoured-621-meal-then-ran-into-surf-without-paying-police-say)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Quote on May 30, 2017, 09:42:35 AM
Mum & Daughter tricked into licking feet of Poundworld staff who rode them like horses (http://metro.co.uk/2017/05/23/mum-and-daughter-tricked-into-licking-feet-of-poundworld-staff-who-rode-them-like-horses-6656279/)

Quote
Naomi Desmond, 24, and her mum Pamela, 55, who has one arm, were doing some last-minute holiday shopping when they fell victim to a bizarre con lasting two-and-a-half hours.

....

The two women were duped into believing they could win £3,000 if they endured a series of humiliating tasks at the discount shop in Barnstaple, Devon.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: BlodwynPig on May 30, 2017, 09:48:55 AM
Quote
Naomi added: ‘We are both too scared to go into Poundworld now.’

Quote
Naomi added: ‘We are both too scared to go into Poundworld now.’

Quote
Naomi added: ‘We are both too scared to go into Poundworld now.’
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Chriddof on May 30, 2017, 04:42:32 PM
In all seriousness, that's fucking disgusting. Sick of fucking "pranksters" getting up to this shit.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Ambient Sheep on May 30, 2017, 08:12:35 PM
We actually had a thread about that one:

The pound world incident. (http://www.cookdandbombd.co.uk/forums/index.php/topic,60259.0.html)

Since I last read that thread there's been a new post that revealed that it's also happened in Iceland, only in that case the staff were told to lick the customers' feet, rather than the other way round.

It's either Stanley Milgram's reincarnation, or some mad power-play/foot fetishist.  I wonder if he's got the stores' webcams hacked?  Especially when you read the Iceland one, where at some point he tells the person holding the phone to pass it to someone "tall and beautiful".
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Bhazor on May 31, 2017, 11:16:17 PM
(http://i.imgur.com/JDuh5rj.png)

Hallelujah
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Bhazor on August 02, 2017, 05:21:01 PM
Not sure yahoo counts as real news but

Quote
Anti-Immigrant Facebook Group Accidentally Gets Mad at Empty Bus Seats

https://www.yahoo.com/beauty/anti-immigrant-facebook-group-accidentally-182157486.html
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Head Gardener on August 02, 2017, 06:26:05 PM
(https://68.media.tumblr.com/099fd57def48d3cb4ec1cefba01d48f9/tumblr_ok01lwQmZw1w2tm4wo1_540.jpg)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: jenna appleseed on September 28, 2017, 07:19:20 PM
Rescued piglets served up as sausages to firefighters (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-wiltshire-41012135)

"A litter of piglets whose bacon was saved from a barn fire has been served up as dinner to the firefighters who rescued them."

"Firefighters celebrated their reward by putting the sausages on a barbecue"
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Rocket Surgery on November 11, 2017, 04:15:14 PM
Are we still doing these? The BBC website is on form today:

Borth Wild Animal Kingdom 'outraged' over lynx killing

Adolf Hitler waxwork removed from Indonesian museum

Suspect's farts makes police stop interview in Kansas


No links because I don't want to risk spoiling them by actually reading them.

EDIT:

Why is this baby so fat?

Mum wins legal bid over son's nude photo

Iran 'torment' and Boris for bullfighting

Did you know under-fives need vitamins?
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Steven on November 17, 2017, 04:09:54 PM
Novocaine For The Arsehole:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-5092449/CT-scan-picture-shows-man-eel-trapped-body.html
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: monolith on November 18, 2017, 08:51:28 PM
Are we still doing these? The BBC website is on form today:

Borth Wild Animal Kingdom 'outraged' over lynx killing

Adolf Hitler waxwork removed from Indonesian museum

Suspect's farts makes police stop interview in Kansas


No links because I don't want to risk spoiling them by actually reading them.

EDIT:

Why is this baby so fat?

Mum wins legal bid over son's nude photo

Iran 'torment' and Boris for bullfighting

Did you know under-fives need vitamins?
I think Chris Morris has infiltrated the BBC website.

US Navy: Penis in sky drawn by jet trail was 'unacceptable' 

Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Rocket Surgery on November 20, 2017, 10:43:51 AM
I think Chris Morris has infiltrated the BBC website.

He's moved on to the Guardian, apparently:

Robert Mugabe stuns Zimbabwe by failing to quit – as it happened

Strictly Come Dancing: week nine – as it happened

Rude by Katie Hopkins – digested read


"please pay actual money for our online content"

Why?!
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Rocket Surgery on November 21, 2017, 09:11:33 PM
He's moved on to the Guardian, apparently:

UK water firms admit using divining rods to find leaks and pipes

Ministers back down over human rights to avoid Tory rebellion - Politics live

UK environment department using 1,400 disposable coffee cups a day


Is it just me that's going completely batshit?
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Rocket Surgery on January 02, 2018, 02:32:36 PM
BBC channeling Troy McClure again. (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-asia-42537953)

At least that bloke in the nappy seems to be enjoying himself.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: jenna appleseed on January 13, 2018, 10:24:54 PM
False missile alert sparks Hawaii panic. (bbc page).

H&M store trashed in 'coolest monkey in the jungle' row.

Facebook trending headline & web page title for Daily Mail story.
Actual story has a more accurate headline & (according to the Mail) it happened in  South Africa about an (accidentaly?) racist advert with a Black child model wearing a hoodie with that slogan.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: jenna appleseed on January 14, 2018, 01:34:40 AM
77-year-old man poses for passport photo with girl group Atomic Kitten.
Actual story is funny too - a 77 year old man trying to take his passport photo in a photo booth accidentally pressed the buttons for adding novelty celeb/pop star pics to the photo & apparently (according to his Granddaughter got so confused they looked back inside the photo booth to see if the band was in there.
http://kernelmag.dailydot.com/features/report/9705/77-year-old-man-poses-for-passport-photo-with-girl-group-atomic-kitten/)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: St_Eddie on January 14, 2018, 09:31:23 AM
'In 2015 a British farmer was forced to kill off half his herd of auroch-derived Heck cattle because they kept trying to kill him.'

Quote from: 'South Park' - Episode: 'Free Hat'

WOMAN IN CROWD: "But we have to free Hat."

STAN: "It's just that, you know, he killed twenty-three babies."

MAN: "Well yeah, but it was in self-defense!"

CROWD IN UNISON: "YEAH!"

CARTMAN: "He... killed... twenty-three babies in self-defense?"

SKEETER: "Hat was attacked maliciously and unprovoked, by a gang of babies in West Town Park. When that many babies get together, they can be like piranha."

MAN IN CROWD: "Three eyewitnesses testified that if Hat hadn't killed those babies, they'd have killed him!"

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It's either Stanley Milgram's reincarnation, or some mad power-play/foot fetishist...

(https://i.imgur.com/YgjHshZ.jpg?1)

When Tarantino visits the UK, he just loves to pull pranks on Poundland.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Sebastian Cobb on January 14, 2018, 07:08:51 PM
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-birmingham-42610625

Bell End: Thousands back petition to keep street name
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Shoulders?-Stomach! on January 31, 2018, 01:52:00 PM
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/amp/world-us-canada-42880690

Emotional support peacock barred from United Airlines flight
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: BlodwynPig on January 31, 2018, 04:15:12 PM
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/amp/world-us-canada-42880690

Emotional support peacock barred from United Airlines flight

Quote
In 2014, a woman was escorted off a US Airways flight when her pig, named Hobie, defecated and squealed before the plane took off.

Sorry about that, pre-flight nerves.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Quote on February 01, 2018, 09:13:06 AM
https://www.google.co.uk/amp/metro.co.uk/2018/01/31/pensioner-80-pushed-entire-arm-cows-rectum-masturbated-7276619/amp/

Quote
A pensioner has been banned from every farm in Britain after he allegedly pushed his fist into a cow’s rectum and performed a sex act.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Bhazor on February 01, 2018, 11:36:53 AM
Rookie mistake, horse anus is what he should have gone for. Now that's a socket worth the effort.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Norton Canes on March 06, 2018, 05:04:39 PM
Bill Turnbull reveals prostate cancer
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: drummersaredeaf on March 06, 2018, 06:21:55 PM
Lego admits it made too many bricks
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: drummersaredeaf on March 08, 2018, 11:22:57 AM
Drunk husband ‘kills his wife by using a MORTAR BOMB as a sex toy’
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Norton Canes on March 08, 2018, 11:37:02 AM
Trump wins order to gag porn actress

Admittedly that's more That's Life than Day Today 
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Glebe on March 09, 2018, 05:55:42 AM
Trump wins order to gag porn actress

Admittedly that's more That's Life than Day Today

Now here's Doc Cox with an amusingly-shaped vegetable!
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Norton Canes on March 13, 2018, 03:13:39 PM
Heather Lockyear charged with battery
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Isnt Anything on March 14, 2018, 12:43:15 AM
Drunk husband ‘kills his wife by using a MORTAR BOMB as a sex toy’

https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/5744236/mortar-bomb-sex-toy-woman-dead-arequipa-peru/

Since it didnt actually explode inside her its unclear how she died, surely you couldnt actually bleed to death that way ? Maybe was an alcohol / painkillers mix more than anything.

Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Norton Canes on March 21, 2018, 11:41:52 AM
Boy sitting on dog advert cleared
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Hobo With A Shit Pun on March 22, 2018, 02:43:09 PM
Early Medieval Bavarians Imported Brides With Elongated Skulls, Archaeologists Deduce

https://www.haaretz.com/archaeology/MAGAZINE-did-early-medieval-bavarians-import-brides-with-elongated-skulls-1.5895859
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Sebastian Cobb on March 28, 2018, 07:22:35 PM
Man has 'world's worst' super-gonorrhoea

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-43571120
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: popcorn on April 10, 2018, 03:30:30 PM
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DabaUZ_U0AAQwN0.jpg)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: momatt on April 11, 2018, 01:54:33 PM
Sundials are fucking hilarious.  Fair dos.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Glebe on April 11, 2018, 06:17:37 PM
That's worse than anything Prince Phillip ever done.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Steven on April 11, 2018, 06:18:50 PM
Sundials are useless anyway when you think the sun shines out of your arse.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Cold Meat Platter on April 11, 2018, 11:01:41 PM
"GEOFFREY RUSH VIRTUALLY HOUSEBOUND AND BARELY EATS, COURT TOLD."

https://www.theguardian.com/film/2018/apr/09/geoffrey-rush-virtually-housebound-and-barely-eats-court-told (https://www.theguardian.com/film/2018/apr/09/geoffrey-rush-virtually-housebound-and-barely-eats-court-told)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: popcorn on April 12, 2018, 05:15:40 AM
Sundials are fucking hilarious.  Fair dos.

"Do you know what I call them, your majesty?"

"What's that?"

"Bumdials."
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: momatt on April 12, 2018, 09:39:59 AM
Made me giggle, must remember that one.  :-D
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Rocket Surgery on April 16, 2018, 12:17:37 AM
Guardian again:

Quote
Tissue-destroying ulcer frequently found in Africa spreading rapidly in Australia



My penis has never even been to Australia!









(Not linking to it cos the pictures are quite upsetting. Investigate at your own risk.)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: oopett on April 16, 2018, 01:53:17 AM
"Bigfoot kept lumberjack as love slave. Outraged wife: 'He's no longer the man I married!' "

Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Gonk on April 17, 2018, 10:58:36 PM
Currently front page of BBC news,

Girl death bouncy castle 'blown 300m'.

A truly grim story, but the brevity and bomb-dogs image of the headline pushes it a bit.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Norton Canes on April 18, 2018, 03:41:59 PM
How Dutch stations help blind travellers
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: asids on April 19, 2018, 07:15:16 PM
The Sun: My husband gave me Aids but I forgave him as his gay affairs were partly my fault
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Captain Z on April 22, 2018, 01:43:50 PM
Korean Air 'nut rage' sisters step down
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: asids on April 22, 2018, 11:31:42 PM
Naked gunman kills four in Waffle House
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Bhazor on April 22, 2018, 11:58:39 PM
Man killed over argument about size of a dog.

http://www.wwlp.com/news/crime/argument-over-dogs-size-turns-fatal/1082415412
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: BlodwynPig on April 23, 2018, 12:09:18 AM
Man killed over argument about size of a dog.

http://www.wwlp.com/news/crime/argument-over-dogs-size-turns-fatal/1082415412

Boy, don't he betcha he don't he feel stupid, boy beach stupid now.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Norton Canes on April 26, 2018, 09:37:01 AM
Meghan Markle's Suits exit revealed
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Head Gardener on April 26, 2018, 05:12:11 PM
(https://i.redd.it/t61pqdbq17u01.jpg)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Bhazor on April 27, 2018, 09:56:46 PM
Tantrum Boy Crushed by 28 Stone Grandad

http://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-43927465
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Sebastian Cobb on May 11, 2018, 11:39:35 AM
(https://i.imgur.com/tk0KDok.jpg)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Isnt Anything on May 11, 2018, 01:37:13 PM
fuck thats awful

not sure i needed to read that

perhaps im getting too old and soft for this site

or life
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Isnt Anything on May 11, 2018, 01:49:58 PM
i mean, things you didnt know could actually happen. you think at my age youve heard it all but no fucking no.

'pparently there was a case in argentina in late 2017 and another in missourI in march 2011.

fuck me

Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Norton Canes on May 11, 2018, 02:54:56 PM
I know the S*n is a contemptible rag but I'm surprised that made it to the front page.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Sebastian Cobb on May 11, 2018, 04:41:31 PM
I know the S*n is a contemptible rag but I'm surprised that made it to the front page.

Yeah, I thought it was a really horrid bit of shaming, could quite easily directly result in something really nasty happening to the doctor.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Cold Meat Platter on May 12, 2018, 11:37:22 AM
Dog shoots owner in the leg in Iowa and appears to cry

https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/dog-shoots-owner-richard-remme-balew-fort-dodge-iowa-a8346231.html (https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/dog-shoots-owner-richard-remme-balew-fort-dodge-iowa-a8346231.html)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: MoonDust on May 12, 2018, 03:53:06 PM
Girl death bouncy castle 'blown 300m'.

I've moaned about this before but why are BBC headlines written in such basic English that it stretches the boundaries of what makes sense? Like, that's not even a sentence.

"You hear about that bouncy castle?"
"Which one?"
"Girl death bouncy castle."
"You mean... the bouncy castle that killed a girl?"

Just irks me to no end. It's as if their headlines are just twitter tags made into a sentence.

See also when the BBC use a country name as an adjective. So you get "Ireland election. Live updates." not "Irish election. Live updates." or something.

Fucking type properly! Gah.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Uncle TechTip on May 12, 2018, 06:07:58 PM
It's to fit them into limited space on tickers, index pages and the like. A hangover from Ceefax days.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: BlodwynPig on May 12, 2018, 06:11:45 PM
It's to fit them into limited space on tickers, index pages and the like. A hangover from Ceefax days.

Ceefax didn’t scan the same though. Perhaps the medium selects...
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: kalowski on May 12, 2018, 10:44:38 PM
It's to fit them into limited space on tickers, index pages and the like. A hangover from Ceefax days.
But Irish elections is shorter than Ireland elections.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: asids on May 17, 2018, 08:25:50 PM
Man makes £1,000 a year from moans about mayo and shoddy service
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: magval on May 18, 2018, 12:41:16 PM
Rights To 130 JUDAS PRIEST Songs Up For Sale After K.K. DOWNING's Golf Dream Comes To An End

Twist ending to that sentence, isn't it?

http://www.blabbermouth.net/news/rights-to-130-judas-priest-songs-up-for-sale-after-k-k-downings-golf-dream-comes-to-an-end/
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Norton Canes on May 18, 2018, 12:49:28 PM
Courtney Barnett turns on troll
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Zetetic on May 18, 2018, 06:27:15 PM
It's to fit them into limited space on tickers, index pages and the like. A hangover from Ceefax days.
And newspapers. It's not just the BBC: http://languagelog.ldc.upenn.edu/nll/?cat=118 (http://languagelog.ldc.upenn.edu/nll/?cat=118)

Preference for punchier language - favouring shorter verbs (which are often ambiguous with nouns?) and combinations of nouns over adjectives-as-modifiers - not just space-saving, I think, that's now gone a bit up itself over the decades.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Rocket Surgery on May 18, 2018, 07:19:39 PM
There was one in the i last week: Man awarded $10m for false testimony

The paragraph below clarified that the man in question had spent several years in prison because of somebody else's false testimony, hence the big payout.

Incidentally, the wrongfully-incarcerated fellow's name was Khanefah Boozer, which is pretty Morris-esque in itself.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: asids on May 23, 2018, 10:01:46 PM
London mosque becomes first to accept cryptocurrency after bitcoin declared halal
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: MoonDust on June 12, 2018, 06:19:24 AM
Swarm of angry bees attacks Colombian presidential election rally

https://www.theguardian.com/world/2018/jun/11/colombia-bees-attack-rally-presidential-election
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: saltysnacks on June 12, 2018, 03:02:02 PM
Swarm of angry bees attacks Colombian presidential election rally

https://www.theguardian.com/world/2018/jun/11/colombia-bees-attack-rally-presidential-election

How do they know they were angry? It could have been a perfectly methodical affair.

Although I can definitely imagine our Morris delivering this line: Some even suggested that the Farc had a hand in the incident, though experts say the mostly likely explanation is that the gust generated by Uribe’s helicopter upset a nest in a nearby tree.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: slicesofjim on June 22, 2018, 12:44:51 PM
'Adolf Hitler cutlery to be sold in Dorset'

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-dorset-44574109
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Isnt Anything on June 23, 2018, 02:23:15 AM
Bakewell pudding 'lost in space'

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-derbyshire-44536052

full title -
Bakewell pudding sent to the edge of space goes missing
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Cold Meat Platter on June 28, 2018, 06:43:17 PM
Elon Musk accused of stealing farting unicorn image

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/technology-44642137 (https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/technology-44642137)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Bhazor on July 04, 2018, 03:19:27 PM
Star Wars: Jar Jar Binks actor Ahmed Best considered suicide


https://www.bbc.com/news/entertainment-arts-44708983
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: boki on July 04, 2018, 03:34:36 PM
Couple ‘banned from looking at next-door neighbours' home’ by police (https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/couple-ban-neighbours-look-home-east-sussex-dispute-council-cpn-order-a8423256.html)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: drummersaredeaf on July 04, 2018, 03:35:22 PM
Telford bin men trained to spot child abuse

https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-england-shropshire-44710845
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Captain Z on July 04, 2018, 03:53:22 PM
Star Wars: Jar Jar Binks actor Ahmed Best considered suicide


https://www.bbc.com/news/entertainment-arts-44708983

These new Oscar categories are certainly controversial.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: asids on July 06, 2018, 10:55:33 AM
‘Curious’ boy, 13, gets USB cable stuck up his penis

https://metro.co.uk/2018/07/05/curious-boy-13-gets-usb-cable-stuck-penis-7687456/
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: magval on July 26, 2018, 09:10:23 PM
Man guilty of first date speedboat death
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Bhazor on July 28, 2018, 11:04:23 PM
‘Curious’ boy, 13, gets USB cable stuck up his penis

https://metro.co.uk/2018/07/05/curious-boy-13-gets-usb-cable-stuck-penis-7687456/

Good job he wasn't bicurious.

Because he would have tried to shove a bike up there.

Fuck it, post.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Head Gardener on August 01, 2018, 05:40:44 PM
(https://i.imgur.com/75EBfiQ.jpg)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Clownbaby on August 01, 2018, 05:52:52 PM
That lil shark that got smuggled in the pram
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: alan nagsworth on August 01, 2018, 09:40:00 PM
These new Oscar categories are certainly controversial.

brilliant
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: jenna appleseed on August 12, 2018, 11:28:40 PM
Phuket python chokes the chicken
https://thethaiger.com/news/phuket/Phuket-python-chokes-chicken
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Norton Canes on August 15, 2018, 10:34:52 AM
Just wanted to mention the Sun's TERRORIST IN A FIESTA because there looks like there should be a pun there but there isn't is there?
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Head Gardener on August 21, 2018, 05:46:42 PM
(https://i.imgur.com/Ck09Em2.png)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Norton Canes on September 24, 2018, 12:45:35 PM
"I’ve gotta say it makes me laugh when i hear people say VW. It’s actually quicker to say Volkswagen..." (https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-45625191)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Pearly-Dewdrops Drops on September 28, 2018, 04:36:13 PM
https://www.theguardian.com/music/2018/sep/28/stinking-thinking-bez-gets-happy-mondays-disqualified-from-bargain-hunt-special
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Norton Canes on October 09, 2018, 09:19:19 AM
On the front page of the BBC news site right now: How Brexit could change your fag packets

Classy, the BBC.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: buttgammon on October 09, 2018, 11:28:25 AM
BRING BACK SMOKING IN PUBS!

That'll show the nanny state do-gooder Brussels bureaucrats. Bring back our brave British lung cancer!
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Isnt Anything on October 12, 2018, 04:11:13 PM
Man spent dead neighbour's £6,000 on pizza

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-northern-ireland-45837991
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Norton Canes on October 18, 2018, 09:14:11 AM
(https://ichef.bbci.co.uk/news/660/cpsprodpb/17368/production/_103908059_thetimes.jpg)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: imitationleather on October 18, 2018, 11:37:19 AM
On the front page of the BBC news site right now: How Brexit could change your fag packets

Classy, the BBC.

A sneak-peek of a post-March 2019 packet of Benson & Hedges:
(https://res.cloudinary.com/teepublic/image/private/s--x5dOk35u--/t_Preview/b_rgb:191919,c_limit,f_jpg,h_630,q_90,w_630/v1465647196/production/designs/540459_1.jpg)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: greencalx on October 21, 2018, 08:05:35 PM
Train into Edinburgh breaks down after problems with horn (https://www.edinburghnews.scotsman.com/news/transport/train-into-edinburgh-breaks-down-after-problems-with-horn-1-4817846)

Not sure whose horn was the one that broke the train. (Don’t click the link unless you really like shitty local news websites that load and play 30 videos and make you do a questionnaire in lieu of providing you any actual content).
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: BlodwynPig on October 21, 2018, 11:28:43 PM
(Don’t click the link unless you really like shitty local news websites that load and play 30 videos and make you do a questionnaire in lieu of providing you any actual content).

The equivalent of going to the newsagents to get your Telegraph & Argos but being hassled by beggars and flashers on the long route.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Isnt Anything on October 25, 2018, 08:18:32 PM
Deport buttock death accused, says judge

is the current homepage headline for this story -

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-essex-45980070

Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: drummersaredeaf on October 26, 2018, 10:43:58 AM
Caller calls Anne Diamond a fat c**t live on air

https://metro.co.uk/video/caller-calls-anne-diamond-fat-c-t-live-air-1789718/
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: BlodwynPig on October 26, 2018, 02:39:20 PM
Caller calls Anne Diamond a fat c**t live on air

https://metro.co.uk/video/caller-calls-anne-diamond-fat-c-t-live-air-1789718/

Dr. Rock has jumped the shark.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Spoon of Ploff on November 06, 2018, 09:31:35 PM
Bill Gates brandishes poo to showcase reinvented toilet tech

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/technology-46108083 (https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/technology-46108083)

where's the poo? it's in a jaaar mate.

Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Cuellar on November 07, 2018, 12:02:11 PM
Quote
Man Who Writes Bigfoot Erotica Now a U.S. Congressman

https://www.thecut.com/2018/11/denver-riggleman-wins-his-congressional-race-virginia-midterms.html
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Norton Canes on November 20, 2018, 04:20:07 PM
Dunno where else to put this (is it worth starting a 'How shit is the BBC these days' thread?)

Singapore otters photobomb UK couple's marriage proposal (https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-asia-46273058)

(https://ichef.bbci.co.uk/news/660/cpsprodpb/125D5/production/_104412257_image1.jpg)

So, hang on, you went out with the express intention of watching some otters - along with a wildlife photographer - then you were surprised when some otters turned up?

Quote
The otters are part of a group known as the Bishan 10, one of several otter families thriving in Singapore's urban areas.
They have featured in multiple news outlets, a David Attenborough documentary and have whole Facebook groups dedicated to them.
Mr Doyle and his now fiancée Mary Lister are travelling around the world and had contacted Mr Seah, who regularly follows and photographs the otters, to see if he could help them see them while they were in town.
On Tuesday, they met up with Mr Seah and a group of other local photographers, who then led them to the Marina Reservoir in the city.

Quote
"When I asked them to pose for a photo, the otters came out of the water and approached the couple," photographer Bernard Seah told the BBC.
"I was like, oh my god, I cannot believe this.


Fuck.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Captain Z on November 20, 2018, 04:30:28 PM
Still, congrats kittens.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: slicesofjim on November 22, 2018, 08:24:07 PM
Can't get images to appear.

But: 'Les Dennis graffiti mystery in Norwich'

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-norfolk-46308262 (https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-norfolk-46308262)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: kalowski on November 23, 2018, 06:38:23 AM
Can't get images to appear.

But: 'Les Dennis graffiti mystery in Norwich'

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-norfolk-46308262 (https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-norfolk-46308262)
Cook Pass Babtridge.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: FerriswheelBueller on November 25, 2018, 09:28:41 PM
“Taliban sneak back into Kandahar dressed as grape farmers”

https://www.theguardian.com/world/2014/sep/14/taliban-back-in-kandahar-400-people-die-august-fighting
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: jenna appleseed on December 08, 2018, 03:31:52 AM
Hotel apologises for 'dummy body' tribute to UK couple's dead son
https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2018/dec/07/hotel-apologises-for-dummy-body-tribute-to-uk-couples-dead-son

"His godmother, Karen Baker, who was on holiday with the couple, had asked staff at the five-star Royalton Resort to surprise them with balloons and cake in their bedroom to mark the day.
The hotel workers instead created an effigy of Alex by stuffing the couple’s clothes with towels and arranging it on the bed. The figure had tears on its face and a can of lager in its hand and was positioned next to petals spelling out: “We miss you Alex.” "
and the photo
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/Dt0csSzX4AEL9pR.jpg)
serious wrong lols - going to hell brb
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Bennett Brauer on December 08, 2018, 03:38:49 AM
serious wrong lols - going to hell brb

We've all duplicated General Bullshit threads hours later, don't be too hard on yourself.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Head Gardener on December 11, 2018, 11:16:21 AM
(https://images.tmz.com/2018/12/10/1210-julia-roberts-newspaper-headline-fb-2.jpg)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: greencalx on January 06, 2019, 10:29:59 PM
Edinburgh hospital worker hit surgeon’s head with wine glass after he compared her to orangutan

https://www.edinburghnews.scotsman.com/news/edinburgh-hospital-worker-hit-surgeon-s-head-with-wine-glass-after-he-compared-her-to-orangutan-1-4852405

The picture accompanying the story is particularly good.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: FerriswheelBueller on January 06, 2019, 10:59:54 PM
Hotel apologises for 'dummy body' tribute to UK couple's dead son
https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2018/dec/07/hotel-apologises-for-dummy-body-tribute-to-uk-couples-dead-son

"His godmother, Karen Baker, who was on holiday with the couple, had asked staff at the five-star Royalton Resort to surprise them with balloons and cake in their bedroom to mark the day.
The hotel workers instead created an effigy of Alex by stuffing the couple’s clothes with towels and arranging it on the bed. The figure had tears on its face and a can of lager in its hand and was positioned next to petals spelling out: “We miss you Alex.” "
and the photo
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/Dt0csSzX4AEL9pR.jpg)
serious wrong lols - going to hell brb

How did I miss this?! The can of lager is what puts it over the top for me.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Bazooka on January 07, 2019, 03:10:30 AM
Edinburgh hospital worker hit surgeon’s head with wine glass after he compared her to orangutan

https://www.edinburghnews.scotsman.com/news/edinburgh-hospital-worker-hit-surgeon-s-head-with-wine-glass-after-he-compared-her-to-orangutan-1-4852405

The picture accompanying the story is particularly good.

Without checking the link, I was confused why there would be wine glasses knocking about in a hospital.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: BlodwynPig on January 07, 2019, 10:52:14 AM
Edinburgh hospital worker hit surgeon’s head with wine glass after he compared her to orangutan

https://www.edinburghnews.scotsman.com/news/edinburgh-hospital-worker-hit-surgeon-s-head-with-wine-glass-after-he-compared-her-to-orangutan-1-4852405

The picture accompanying the story is particularly good.

In stitches

Quote
Mr Gaston, 48, lightheartedly likened Knight to one of the ruddy-coloured great apes.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: greencalx on January 07, 2019, 08:48:16 PM
Without checking the link, I was confused why there would be wine glasses knocking about in a hospital.

It’s a very ungainly headline, for sure, and manages to be misleading in at least two ways (this and the fact it’s a hospital worker who lives in Edinburgh but not someone who works in an Edinburgh hospital).
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Captain Z on January 18, 2019, 07:57:29 PM
Currently on BBC site:

IVF couple have triplets after sex mistake
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Head Gardener on February 01, 2019, 05:00:31 PM
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DyRIpUbU8AArz4Z.jpg)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Norton Canes on February 08, 2019, 01:05:39 PM
Martin Lewis cancels TV work over 'agonising' ulcer (https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-47171459)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Norton Canes on March 12, 2019, 11:41:40 AM
Ed Sheeran's 'wild lifestyle' pond to be investigated by council (https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-suffolk-47525357)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Chollis on March 29, 2019, 02:07:34 PM
‘Ching, wap, ox’: slang interpreters decipher texts for court evidence

https://www.theguardian.com/education/2019/mar/29/ching-wap-ox-slang-interpreters-decipher-texts-for-court-evidence
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Glebe on April 06, 2019, 02:50:54 AM
Three arrested after seizure of guns, drugs and monkey in cage. (https://www.rte.ie/news/2019/0405/1040923-gardai-drugs)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: FerriswheelBueller on April 17, 2019, 03:33:30 PM
Llangollen priest to bless beer for 'real ale train'

https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-wales-47719407
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Glebe on April 17, 2019, 11:02:41 PM
Llangollen priest to bless beer for 'real ale train'

https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-wales-47719407

That's also an Only Fools and Horses in real news story (the one where the priest blesses the trucks of Romanian Riesling)!
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: FerriswheelBueller on April 18, 2019, 01:30:46 AM
That's also an Only Fools and Horses in real news story (the one where the priest blesses the trucks of Romanian Riesling)!

Yes! I was put in mind of “Trotter’s pre-blessed wine” and the shot of the priest blessing the back of the lorry. It also has a Father Ted angle. It’s really quite the story
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: popcorn on April 19, 2019, 12:52:59 PM
(https://i.imgur.com/yx404TO.png)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: rectorofstiffkey on April 19, 2019, 04:45:57 PM
I never thought I'd read the headline "Did police use Emma Thompson as bait?"

(https://i.ibb.co/tP3GTFW/bait.jpg) (https://imgbb.com/)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Sebastian Cobb on April 23, 2019, 11:30:20 PM
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/D4x9_O3XoAAF4iS?format=jpg)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: JamesTC on April 23, 2019, 11:41:48 PM
Wayne Hennessey 'desperate' to learn about Nazis - Crystal Palace boss Roy Hodgson (https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/football/47996638)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: imitationleather on April 23, 2019, 11:54:19 PM
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/D4x9_O3XoAAF4iS?format=jpg)

Ah man, they look so happy about it being grey.

(Her husband seems a little young, though.)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: BlodwynPig on April 24, 2019, 12:12:51 AM
Ah man, they look so happy about it being grey.

(Her husband seems a little young, though.)

I think these type of stories are sinister. There is dumbing down and comfort news, but this seems like it was sent from a malevolent alien race to destroy our minds with banality - unaware that our minds are already destroyed by epsilon less banal stories generated from our own brains.
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: FerriswheelBueller on April 29, 2019, 03:46:37 PM
Essex Police misconduct probe over toilet fingertip loss

https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-england-essex-48092601
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: PlanktonSideburns on April 29, 2019, 03:56:42 PM
Wayne Hennessey 'desperate' to learn about Nazis - Crystal Palace boss Roy Hodgson (https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/football/47996638)

This image

(https://ichef.bbci.co.uk/onesport/cps/800/cpsprodpb/55BC/production/_105084912_hennessey_twitter2.jpg)

This image has destroyed me, completely

What's happening with those eyes
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: St_Eddie on April 29, 2019, 06:39:43 PM

(https://ichef.bbci.co.uk/onesport/cps/800/cpsprodpb/55BC/production/_105084912_hennessey_twitter2.jpg)

What's happening with those eyes

(https://i.imgur.com/B0r0qaC.jpg?1)

"His Eyes. What's wrong with his eyes? For God's sake, what happened to his eyes?!"


(https://i.imgur.com/4HJ3VRz.jpg?1)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Tony Tony Tony on April 30, 2019, 01:05:47 PM
(https://cdn.newsapi.com.au/image/v1/168f245f82d39322edc9848ce2cc8184?width=650)
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: FerriswheelBueller on April 30, 2019, 05:14:55 PM
Lesbians the toast of the Two Ferrets

https://www.theguardian.com/uk/2001/jul/29/theobserver.uknews2
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Phil_A on May 01, 2019, 01:15:33 PM
https://www.theguardian.com/music/2019/may/01/pete-doherty-hospitalised-following-hedgehog-injury
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Norton Canes on May 13, 2019, 03:38:39 PM
Ballymurphy soldiers 'out of control'
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Sebastian Cobb on May 15, 2019, 11:56:54 AM
Potato-throwing teenagers scaring off town’s tourists

A Highland town has been described as a “no-go” area at night after teenagers drove at a group of tourists – before throwing potatoes at them.


https://www.pressandjournal.co.uk/fp/news/highlands/1746765/youths-drive-at-group-of-tourists-before-throwing-potatoes-at-them/?fbclid=IwAR3DV-y-a4mP1z3cHYv1T5W1M-iHzv3sDv0gXgr43Phrfxa1z43W1l1CIrs
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: FerriswheelBueller on May 15, 2019, 03:09:18 PM
^thats excellent
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: FerriswheelBueller on May 16, 2019, 11:54:01 AM
Monkeys Can Help Unlock the Secrets of Trauma

https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2019/05/14/magazine/monkeys-puerto-rico-trauma.html?action=click&module=Top%20Stories&pgtype=Homepage
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Norton Canes on May 16, 2019, 12:01:31 PM
Ballymurphy soldiers 'out of control'

Sorry, just realised it's not 'Balamory'
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: FerriswheelBueller on May 16, 2019, 12:05:14 PM
You can create/improve any headline by adding “, say scientists” to the end.

My monkey one above is much funnier with that added
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Bazooka on May 24, 2019, 12:02:54 AM
Quote
A judge has questioned whether prosecuting a man who was sent "snake porn" via a WhatsApp messaging group was in the public interest.

https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-england-bristol-48379744
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: Ambient Sheep on August 09, 2019, 01:05:23 PM
Helter-skelter 'first' for cathedral

...it says on the BBC News homepage, leading to this (https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/av/uk-england-49285829/norwich-cathedral-helter-skelter-offers-new-experience).

All it needs is ", says bishop." on the end to make it 100% perfect Chris.

Quote
The Very Reverend Jane Hedges, Dean of Norwich Cathedral, said the installation was "certainly not a gimmick".


Also being discussed here (https://www.cookdandbombd.co.uk/forums/index.php/topic,74580.0.html).
Title: Re: Day Today-esque headlines in real news stories
Post by: oy vey on August 10, 2019, 08:12:54 PM
Badger rescued from pit on military firing range.

https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-wales-49306466?intlink_from_url=https://www.bbc.com/news/science_and_environment&link_location=live-reporting-story

Admittedly this is BBC Wales and so isn't surreal in that context.