The original 'Hi Fi Shop' sketch

[Emergency Lalla Ward Ten]

Thanks to Gavin for this - the original version of Andrew Marshall and David Renwick's 'Hi Fi Shop' sketch from The Burkiss Way, later reshaped for Not the Nine O'Clock News.

Gavin's download of the whole show is on the BBC7 Comedy Reviewing Show thread, but - for ease of analysis, and because I felt like it - here's a transcript of the sketch itself.

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[FH = Fred Harris NR = Nigel Rees]

SHOP DOOR BEING OPENED. ROCK MUSIC UNDER.

FH: Shop! [RINGS BELL] Shop! [RINGS BELL] Shop!!!

NR: I know it's a shop - I've just walked in here.

FH: Oh, sorry. Yes, er...well, what do you want?

MR: This is the Lewisham Hi Fi Centre?

FH: Oh, here we go - another radio character. Yes, yes, that's right, what do you want?

NR: Well, I wonder if you could help me. I want to buy a gramophone.

FH: A what?

NR: A...um, um, erm...a gramophone.

FH: Gramophone?! C'yuh, we don't do gramophones, dad!

NR: Er...oh. Er...wh-what's that then, there?

FH: That's a stereo record deck.

NR: Oh? Well, what's the difference between that and a gramophone?

FH: Thirty years and a plastic cover.

NR: Oh, I see. Well I want one of those, please.

FH: You're sure, are you?

NR: Yes, please, yes.

FH: Ha, this is gonna be a good one! Right...what sort of, er...output were you looking for then, eh?

NR: Output?

FH: Yeah, output, output - what sort did you want?

NR: What sort have you got?

FH: Ah-ah-ah-ah! No, no, no, no, no...no clues, no clues...you've got to do this on your own or not at all.

NR: Erm...oh dear.  Well, um, I-I-I want, um...

FH: Yeah?

NR: Um...a medium one.

FH: Ah-ah-ah...and what exact value?

NR: Oh, I should think about about, about...I suppose, er...fi-fi-fi-fifteen?

FH: Eh?

NR: Fifteen.

FH: Fifteen?! Ha ha ha! Did you get that one, kids? Fifteen!

SOUND OF OTHERS IN THE SHOP PISSING THEMSELVES LAUGHING

NR: No, no, not fifteen, I meant, um...two thousand.

MORE JEERING FROM EVERYONE

FH: Two thousand! Ha ha ha!

NR: I'm sorry...look, do those people have to sit there like that?

FH: Er, what, er...what people, dad?

NR: Well, those people in t-shirts with frizzy hair lounging behind the counter chewing gum.

FH: Them? Oh yeah, they're on the staff, see.

NR: Oh.

FH: Now then, what are you gonna do about this output then? Listen, I tell you what, I'll give you four options: twenty watts, eight thousand ohms, nine hundred and fifty killahertz, or twenty three and a half inside leg.

NR: Oh dear. Um...

FH: Come on, the choice is yours...

NR: Um...eight thousand, er...ohms?

FH: Wrong! Ha ha ha! It's twenty watts! It's measured in watts, you see! So that's the fishnet stockings on...

NR: Oh no, please...

FH: Put them on!

NR: Oh no, no please...

MORE JEERING

FH: OK, look, look...OK, this is the last piece of embarrassment now, right? This last piece of embarrassment and that stereo record deck could be yours, right? Ready?

NR: Yes, yes...

FH: OK. I want you to check out the woofers and the tweeters.

NR: What?!

FH: Yeah? Got it? Checo out the woofers and the tweeters and see if they're the sort you're looking for...

NR: Oh no, please...

FH: Woofers and tweeters. Alright? Go on, off you go, gramps...

FOOTSTEPS, FOLLOWED BY MORE LAUGHING AND JEERING

FH: Ha ha, wrong - he's picked up an LP of Percy Edwards. Ha ha ha! Wrong, wrong! So it's the head sliced off by Genghis Khan now I'm afraid...

NR: Oh no, no please!

SOUND OF HIS HEAD BEING SLICED OFF BY GENGHIS KHAN

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From The Burkiss Way, 'Lesson 33: The Last Burkiss Way' - Series 3, Show 14; tx 7 February 1978.

Later used in Not the Nine O'Clock News - Series 2, Show 6; tx 5 May 1980

[Bert Thung]

Thanks for posting that.  Goes with that extended Two Ninnies sketch you posted a while back, with extra Ronnie Barker going on about his "well publicised psuedynym"

The Pythonesque-light punchline is more reminiscent of Stuff that NTNOCN though.

[ApexJazz]

Really fantastic sketch. The famous answering-question-before-the-last Mastermind sketch from The Two Ronnies was also premiered on The Burkiss Way. Couldn't tell you what exact episode, it was in the middle of a blistering bunch of 1970's game show send-up's. Curious what other Burkiss Way material they recycled for different programs.

[keir]

Thanks for this, I remember the NTNOCN one very well, didn't know it was on The Burkiss Way.

[Emergency Lalla Ward Ten]

They did the 'Beeeeeefy Brunch Benders' (from NTNOCN 2.1) in Burkiss too - in the 'How to Survive In Business...' episode.

[neveragain]

What was that sketch?

[Bert Thung]

Has anyone got any recommendations for The Burkiss Way? I'm more familiar with the End of Part One Tv spin-off. Some of the stuff I've heard is quite bogstandard, whereas stuff like this and The Hitchhikers Guide to The Galaxy parody are absolutely sublime.

Did it improve over series?

[Mr. Analytical]

The original version's far more post-modern and mean-spirited isn't it?