Top 1000 Simpsons jokes of all time.

[small_world]

Because, come on. I think the Best Jokes Ever thread needs some room to breathe apart from the Simpsons....

I'd love to do this in the same style as the Best 1000 albums, or top 1000 games threads. So, put the joke[nb]Any kind of joke qualifies, wether it be spoken, visual or, er... the sound one.... [/nb],  in quotes, or a video.
And maybe, why you like it so much.

#1000
The speaking dog
Ep 3 Series 11

When questioned why he is eating everything at the party, (Homer) expresses his love for all foods in a short song, and the editor decides to give Homer a tryout, and that he will fill the now vacant position if it is deemed good enough.
When Homer gets home, he tries to type an example food review, but the E on their typewriter does not work— making it almost impossible for Homer to type anything since E is the most used letter in the English language. The editor of the newspaper reads Homer's review and proclaims it to be a joke since Homer's review contains gross misspellings, numerous threatening references to the United Nations, and is completed by repeating the words "SCREW FLANDERS" over and over again in order to break his 500-word limit.

The episode itself is great, a good strong story line to it. There are plenty of gags throughout, but this is by far and away my favourite, probably my favourite joke from The Simpsons ever.

Simpsons dog

I love a bit of surrealism, and you can't get much more surreal than a talking dog. A talking dog that understands the request he's been given and is obviously trying his hardest to be as helpful as possible.
It's added to by the framing of the gag. On one side Homer's run up of.
"Woof"
"Rough? Ah'dunno, you've been pitchin' that all night "
And followed later by the editor asking if the review was written by a dog.

Also, it's just a fucking excellent joke.

999 to go.

[2 Light Ales Please]

My favourite is from Last Exit to Springfield. I love the bit where Marge points out that Homer's friends don't seem to like him and his response is: "you know what, you're right. Tomorrow I'm gonna punch Lenny in the back of the head". Although the next scene is obvious, I love the way Lenny sips his coffee and grunts before being punched by off-screen Homer's fist.

Fucking love it.

EDIT: Excellent. Posted on my phone and was gonna find the clip afterwards. Saves me the job!

[small_world]

#999
Last Exit To Springfield.
Homer Punches Lenny.

Homer Punches Lenny

[small_world]

#998
In Marge We Trust.
Homer finds an image of himself on a washing powder box.

Just, the whole reaction.
"Wha?  Who?  What's going on?  Why am I on a Japanese box?"

[Subtle Mocking]

#998
Marge on the Lam
Homer Trapped in Two Vending Machines



This whole sequence is just superb. From the set-up, Homer is reminded that ballet is a form of dance rather than a monkey on a small bike. This is before the vending machines, it's also brilliant. There's some fantastic lines in this bit:

Homer (echoing through plant): Hello? Can I get some help? Snack-related mishap?

Marge (on the phone): Hello?
Homer: Marge, this may be hard to believe, but I'm trapped inside two vending machines...

Homer: I'm gonna have these things on my arms forever...
(imagining himself at Maggie's wedding with the vending machines on his arms, stood at the alter: Free candy and sodas for all! (the congregation cheer as he tosses free candy and sodas, without even moving his arms)

Fireman 1: Homer, this...this is never easy to say.  I'm going to have to saw your arms off.  (brandishes a buzzsaw)
Homer: (plaintive) They'll grow back, right?
Fireman 1: Oh, er, yeah.
Homer: Whew!
Fireman 2: Wait Homer, are you just holding onto the can?
Homer: Your point being...?
(cut to Homer walking out of the Plant to the sound of the firemen laughing, and then running away)

[benjula]

this is my absolute favourite bit ever:

#997 Thrillhouse "thrillho"

[benjula]

#996 you dont win friends with salad

[Subtle Mocking]

this is my absolute favourite bit ever:

#997 "thrillho"

Which leads me to:
#995
Marge Be Not Proud
Lee Carvallo's Putting Challenge

You have selected, NO

[benjula]

Which leads me to:
#995
Marge Be Not Proud
Lee Carvallo's Putting Challenge

You have selected, NO

haha

#994 The Simpsons - Lie Detector (the whole thing is just incredible!)

[small_world]

#993
April Foo......
The Simpsons April Fools
One of the best 'long' gags. he timing is amazing.

[Kishi the Bad Lampshade]

#992 I Am Evil Homer

Evil Homer [Real Vid]

It's just the three beats at the end played over Lisa's blank face that makes it for me.

[babyshambler]

#991

I think it's possibly Homer's little victorious smile at the end that does it for me here.

..sneh

[Marty McFly]

edit - shit, beaten to it at 994, LOVE the lie detector

[2 Light Ales Please]

#990 Any bit of Milhouse from Summer of 4ft 2.  The whole scene in the classroom at the beginning is brilliant, but so's the bit where they're playing the board game and Homer shouts: "Hey, he looks like you Poindexter!"

I was laughing as I typed that.

#997 Thrillhouse "thrillho"

Whenever I play computer games, that's always the name I choose.

[Subtle Mocking]

#989
Trash of the Titans
Ray Patterson Reinstated

Patterson walks on/off stage

Rubbish quality clip but the cheery music and Moe's line slays me every time.

[benjula]

#988 Bart Dancing to It's In His Kiss (the Shoop Shoop song) (couldn't find the original clip) in 'Homer's Phobia' (all in all a fantastic episode. zzzzzzap!)

[Subtle Mocking]

"Hey, he looks like you Poindexter!"

It's such a funny image. It's the dud flower that does it for me.

[Marty McFly]

#987
Homer Goes To College
Homer, singing, while the high school diploma he's just set on fire burns rapidly: I am so smart! I am so smart! S-M-R-T! I mean, S-M-A-R-T!

The Simpsons - I Am So Smart

As Wikipedia says..

During the recording session, Dan Castellaneta was singing the song and accidentally misspelled "smart". The writers decided that it was much funnier that way, because it seemed like something Homer Simpson would do, so they left the joke in. The song has since become a fan favorite.

[2 Light Ales Please]

#986: Bart of Darkness

Can't find the relevant clip, but I've just remembered the bit where Homer's trying to construct the swimming pool and inextricably builds a barn instead.  For whatever reason he's also managed to attract an Amish man whose presence is never explained.  Classic Simpsons and the sort of thing that displays a hell of a lot of imagination that simply doesn't exist in American shows anymore.

[benjula]

#987
Homer Goes To College
Homer, singing, while the high school diploma he's just set on fire burns rapidly: I am so smart! I am so smart! S-M-R-T! I mean, S-M-A-R-T!

The Simpsons - I Am So Smart

As Wikipedia says..

nice trivia, very interesting.

#986 up and atom "up and at them!"

[benjula]

#985 The Simpsons - McBain - Bye Book (another bit of Mcbain gold "bye book")

[Garam]

Bart's Comet episode, Simpsons watching the news when the only bridge out of town is blown up and they're waiting for the comet to hit Springfield.

KENT BROCKMAN
With our utter annihilation imminent, our federal government has snapped into action. We go live now via satellite to the floor of the United States congress.

SPEAKER
Then it is unanimous, we are going to approve the bill to evacuate the town of Springfield in the great state of--

CONGRESSMAN
Wait a second, I want to tack on a rider to that bill - $30 million of taxpayer money to support the perverted arts.

SPEAKER
All in favor of the amended Springfield-slash-pervert bill?

FLOOR
Boo!

SPEAKER
Bill defeated.

KENT BROCKMAN
I've said it before and I'll say it again: democracy simply doesn't work.

Love the lack of euphenism for 'the perverted arts'. Brilliant

[Subtle Mocking]

#983
The Canine Mutiny
Moe at the Repo Depot

Moe tells it like it is

The sulky delivery of Moe's last line is brilliant.

[benjula]

#982 McBain - Let's get silly (Long version) Last one for me I promise, so many reasons why I love this clip, so many amazing lines.

[Subtle Mocking]

#981
The Boy Who Knew Too Much
Bart reads Homer's thoughts

Simpsons - meow meow meow

[2 Light Ales Please]

#980 Cape Fear
Mr Thompson

Homer Thompson English

Okay, okay, I'll stop now, I promise.

[Small Man Big Horse]

#979 Blood Feud
"My name is Mr Burns."

Simpsons Mr. Burns letter

I can still remember watching the episode when it first aired, and the group of friends I was with being slayed by Homer's "I don't know". The delivery of that line is just perfect.

[Subtle Mocking]

#978
Simpson Tide
Starbucks

Starbucks in the Springfield Mall

[Catalogue Trousers]

#977 (complete with Dutch subtitles)

Poochie.

The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochy show [dutch subs]

The awkwardly-reworked theme song, the attempted "extreme" camera-trickery, that unceremonious lifting of Poochie's cel out of the frame, the hastily-marker-penned caption card. Just lovely.

[Subtle Mocking]

I need to go to bed but I adore this show.

#976
Itchy & Scratchy & Marge
The new Itchy & Scratchy Show


Porch Pals
010 No Title Boring

So glad I found the clips for this. Also led up to one of the best pieces of animation that's ever been on the show (I'll let someone else post that). There's something brilliant about that Itchy and Scratchy though, I love the almost drugged look in their eyes, the banal ideas for episodes, and the voices they've adopted.